Erin
Devoted September 2017

Inviting someone who invited me to their wedding?

Erin, on April 23, 2017 at 1:32 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10
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Hi everyone,

I am getting married on 9/16/17. We are trying to keep our wedding as intimate as possible, not only for the cost, but also for the feel of the day. I have a large family, so that has taken up a good portion of the guest list. My friend and former coworker is getting married on 10/14/17 (which also happens to be my birthday!) and she sent me a save the date. I plan to attend her wedding. I would love to invite her to our wedding, but if I invite her, I would likely have to invite 3-4 other people in the same social circle that will be at her wedding one month later, otherwise there will be some intense awkwardness. There is the possibility that we can add everyone as some from our guest list will not be able to attend, but I feel badly that I've already taken up a large portion of the guest list with my family and my fiance has a smaller portion of it.

Help!

10 Comments

  • FutureRand
    Master July 2017
    FutureRand ·

    Just because you have been invited to someone's wedding does not mean you have to invite them to yours. .

  • Leah
    VIP July 2017
    Leah ·

    You don't have to invite people you don't truly want to, and you don't have to invite someone to yours just because you were invited to theirs. Just don't B list (not saying you are, but based on the "some from guest list may not be able to attend" I figured I'd throw that in there).

  • GymRat
    Master May 2017
    GymRat ·

    Weddings aren't tit for tat. Just because someone has invited you to their wedding, doesn't mean you have to invite them to yours.

    There are at least 4 couples whose wedding we've attended, we're not inviting any of them to our wedding, and we have a pretty large guest list.

  • Erin
    Devoted September 2017
    Erin ·

    I get it. I guess I just figured it would be super weird that her wedding is so close to mine and I will be seeing them.

  • NerdyBride
    Super August 2017
    NerdyBride ·

    The sides of the wedding also don't need to be even! I do also feel bad that my side tends to dominate more of our guest list, but I have family coming from both my dad's family and my mom's, while FH doesn't speak to his dad's family so they will not be invited. Don't worry if you have more of "your guests" than "his guests," because people don't have equal sized families!

  • Bemyguest
    Master April 2017
    Bemyguest ·

    My family is definitely bigger than FH's. It's not a competition.

    And I was a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding a few years back, and because we aren't that close anymore, she's not even invited? to mine. No big deal.

  • Maria
    Master June 2018
    Maria ·

    I think about this all the time. Social circles are tricky and things can get awkward.

  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·

    First, you don't have to invite someone who invited you to their wedding. Invite simply the people you feel closest to and leave it at that. Second, if you do want to invite this person, that doesn't mean you have to invite everyone from that group/circle. FH and i cherry-picked our college friends that we wanted to invite, and that does not include every single person in that circle. You get to choose your guest list, and basically you don't have to invite in circles.

  • MoreMoore
    VIP November 2017
    MoreMoore ·

    I don't feel an obligation to invite someone just because they invited me. They had a big extravagant wedding with 250+ guests. We are not, not even close. So nope, they don't get an invite.

  • Celine
    Just Said Yes August 2015
    Celine ·

    I've seen this question a lot and what confuses me the most is, why attend a wedding if you know you probably won't invite them to yours? Yes you don't have to, but doesn't it matter that the couple may feel offended that a person had no problem making the choice to come to their big day without caring how they would feel not receiving an invite to that person's? I think in general the thought should be that the couple invited ppl bc they feel you matter enough to be part of their special day and they believe the guests they invite feel the same. So if they're disillusioned in thinking that, then you shouldn't attend their wedding and regretfully decline. It's a big expense on them just as much as it is for others...

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