Inviting some cousins and not others from the same family?

If she's not extremely close to her cousins I would honestly just invite your siblings and thier spouses and just not invite any cousins. It seems like the simplest and cleanest way to make the cut. What does your daughter want to do? She should be super involved in making the decision.

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The funny part is, my siblings are so tight, we can be a bit clannish (my husband's words). The spouses glaze over as we repeat the same stories from childhood - apparently family events like this are torture for them. 3 of 6 siblings didn't bring their spouses to the last wedding! My daughter is close to 3-4 of the cousins and wants 2 in her wedding party. So the cut is clean, but now we have people who don't want to be there checking their watches, and desired cousins not there.

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Since you know your family so well, then I would probably still invite just the parents but make it clear that it is fine with all of you if they bring one of their kids instead of a spouse. Typically invites aren't "transferrable" like that, but if you're fine with it then they might appreciate it that way?!

We had the same situation - I wanted a really small wedding (40 people each for 80 max) and my future mother-in-law was very honest in saying she just couldn't get that small due to the family size. So she gave it some thought and gave me a list (its almost 60, not including any of my fiancé's friends). I gave in and upped my count to 100.

What she did, was cut at a certain level. So for my future father-in-law, its only his siblings being invited (he has 5 living siblings) with the exception of a single cousin, because they live literally around the corner from us. For her side, which is smaller, her siblings and first cousins (who my fiancé is much closer with) are being invited. (My family is getting a completely separate party a few months later back where I'm from on the other side of the country). I had to cave a little on the amount of people, but we expect a handful to not come due to distance/time of the year/money etc. None of the cousins on the dad's side have been upset or offended, which has been nice.

I would go that route and cut it off at your siblings. For us, we know some of the husbands may not come, and for those that are in question, we know that an adult kid might come instead - and that's fine with us. But you have to know your crowd - their your family after all! Ours is going to be a bit lopsided (my guest count is 37, his is 63) but our other reception is going to be the exact opposite (only his parents are coming, the rest is all my family). I'd talk to your daughter about it, see if she's set in stone for that number, and see how she feels about cutting it at a certain level.

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Great idea! Thank you!

I am a bride with a small family, and my fiancé has a big family. We originally wanted a smaller-more intimate wedding (smaller crowd) but had such a hard time choosing which guests to pick to make it more intimate. We decided to just say “screw it, we’re going with what makes us happy.” Originally, we were planning to invite less than 100, but we’re currently at 150 and perfectly happy with it. At the end of the day - the best thing is for both the bride and the groom to pick whomever they want at their special day - whomever makes them feel most loved, happy and supported during such an important time of if their lives and then go from there.

I did this - I am having a very small wedding of 60 ish and I invited only the cousins I was close with and not ones I haven't seen/ do not regularly see socially. Everyone seems to understand due to the size (or else perhaps they are just not telling me!)

We had the same issue especially because my fiancées mother has 11 siblings! We just decided to invite local family only. For instance only two of his aunts were invited and 3 cousins. Then I invited two of my cousins but not their brother who is 5 hours away.


So far no one is annoyed plus we just said our package at the venue was 50 people max. Little white lie but everyone seemed understanding.

View Quoted Comment I agree with you, I guess I’m team let’s invite everybody. But of course we don’t have any serious family rifts going on, so that makes it a bit easier. My family is extremely large my fiancé‘s family is not but we are looking forward to using our wedding as an opportunity to bring both sides together no matter how large or small either side is.

A happy medium is to start a tradition of a family reunion picnic at another time at a local park that everyone contributes to. For the wedding guest list, let the couple invite only those they are super close to. Some people are not close to all relatives and it makes no sense to invite Uncle John and Aunt Ella if you are only close to Cousin Brenda. Same goes for not inviting best friends because people tell the couple “your parents and siblings are more important and it doesn’t matter that you don’t have a relationship with them”.


If someone is invited out of obligation to please others, then they see the invitation as a gift grab rather than the couple wanting them there. Many people do understand and respect when the couple chooses a small guest list