Although it’s technically not official yet (no ring!), my boyfriend and I have set a tentative date to get married this July
I knew this would be coming, but now that I’m actually having to make a decision around the guest list, I feel stuck.
Here’s a little backstory: my sister and her boyfriend had been dating for about a year before they moved to Oregon together. We all loved him, thought they were going to get married. But eventually he got a better job opportunity here, and moved back East. Since my parents had a great relationship with him, they offered for him to come live with us. Everyone was on board with this. But after about 3 months of him moving back and living with us, and them trying to make long distance work, they broke up (mutually and kindly). So they were still on good terms. But, because of convenience and money, he continued to live with us even after they parted ways. She was okay with this for a little bit, but quickly became frustrated and angry by it. Which I understand, I’m sure it wasn’t easy trying to step away from a breakup while still knowing they have a relationship with your family. My parents felt like he needed the help, and it didn’t directly affect her since she lived on the other side of the country. My sister felt betrayed and like we weren’t being loyal to her. She says there’s still wounds that haven’t been able to heal because of it.
Fast forward to today, almost two years later, trying to decide whether or not to invite him to the wedding. It’s likely gonna be pretty small, so it’s not like they’ll actively be able to avoid each other. I know it’ll be a little uncomfortable for the both of them but he’s honestly one of my closest friends, like a brother to me, and I really want him to be there. I hope they’d both be able to set aside feeling for one day and be there to support us. But upon talking to my sister about it, she made it clear that she’s still hurt by what we did, and said “if he’s there I may not come” for the sake of her mental health. I really don’t wanna damage my relationship with her, but I also feel like the sort-of ultimatum wasn’t fair of her. I’m not sure what the right thing to do is. It makes me sad that I feel like I can’t have every important person in my life there on what’s supposed to be the happiest day, but maybe for the sake of peace and loyalty I shouldn’t invite him.
Sorry for such the long story, but I thought context would be important! Really appreciate any advice or words of wisdom you can muster, thanks
TLDR; my family is still close with my sister’s ex boyfriend. She still feels hurt that we hang out with him/see him despite them breaking up almost two years ago. He’s become like a brother to me, and I would really love him at my wedding, but I’m afraid of damaging the relationship with my sister.
