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Dedicated October 2019

Inviting Second Cousins/first Cousins Once Removed

KAREN, on August 20, 2019 at 3:32 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

I'm sure this has been discussed on here to some extent, but figured I'd give it a shot.

Same old story as so many of you: Fiance and I are attempting to have a small wedding. We only wanted around 50 people but are already a little over 100. We had to draw the line somewhere, and we did at second cousins. We've accepted that we're bound to have around 75-85 at the end of the day, but if we included second cousins or first cousins once removed, we'd be closer to 200, which we simply cannot afford. Considering I don't know any of my second cousins, an I've met first cousins once removed a total of maybe 3 or 4 times, we felt this was a fair and fine decision. According to certain family members, this makes me a horrible person and a bridezilla to boot. I honestly think that as I'm footing the bill for this whole wedding, that none of them get a say. I would also like to add that it's only two first cousins once removed that people are hemming and hawing over, even though there are a ton others (and second cousins) that no one seems to care about. It's very hypocritical in my eyes, but perhaps I'm missing something here.

Truthfully, this has caused some hurtful comments from family members I thought had my back, and I'm getting shut out by a few of them because of it.

The worst part about it is that when I sent out the save the date and the invitation, I made it clear that only the first cousins were invited, but it was only when I was texted about booking the hotel and if it's kid friendly that I had to have the uncomfortable conversation about it.

Am I in the wrong for not inviting these people to my wedding?

10 Comments

Latest activity by Rebecca, on August 20, 2019 at 9:25 PM
  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    You should invite the people you want only. Weddings are expensive and sometimes we can’t have everyone. It’s tough when people assume they are invited. We only had 52 people and many of them where our friends. Lots of family wasn’t invited and I figured I would just deal with it as it comes. We’ve had some negative comments but it was OUR day and we did what we wanted. They will get over it.
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  • K
    Dedicated October 2019
    KAREN ·
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    Thank you! I know all of this, and everyone I've discussed this with has been in agreement with me, but these family members are so out of line in their treatment of me that I wanted to be sure that I didn't make any sort of mistake that I wasn't aware of. It got to the point that one person actually said that my grandmother was frowning from heaven because of my decision. We've done literally everything to accommodate everyone (including getting married far from where we live) so that as many family members as possible could attend. It's just so ridiculous to me.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    You are absolutely not in the wrong. Unfortunately, things like this happen all too often in wedding planning. They will get over it. Stick to your guns.

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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    We had the same issue. We were told we had to invite second cousins and parents second cousins and that we were being so rude and creating a family scandal if we didn’t. We politely told those people that we missed the part where they were financially contributing to our wedding in order to have a say over our guest list. We also said at their future wedding they were free to invite or not invite whoever they wanted. But we prioritized food/drink and guest experience over having 300 people.
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  • K
    Dedicated October 2019
    KAREN ·
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    Thank you! Oh, I don't have a choice. If I let them come, I have to let all others come, and that's just not happening. Truthfully, if this person and her mother stop talking to me, I won't lose much sleep over it. It's my sister stirring the pot and telling me I am the worst person in the world that's getting to me.

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  • K
    Dedicated October 2019
    KAREN ·
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    It's so funny, I basically said something even less direct (I'm really sorry for the misunderstanding, but we cannot afford to invite second cousins simply due to monetary constraints. We would love to still see you at the wedding and see your children some other time, though! We hope to still see you on our special day!") but I'm the bridezilla here, LOL! My coworker I felt put it best: It's your wedding, not their (bleeping) family reunion! If you were paying for a family reunion and neglected to invite them, then ok, but it's your WEDDING!" People have some nerve.

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  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    Yes it is ridiculous. I would stop talking to anyone that is negative about your wedding for now. They will get the hint. Too much stress!
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    You're definitely not wrong! The guest list is up to you and FH's discretion. I think it's rude for anyone to feel entitled to an invitation

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  • Kelly
    Super October 2019
    Kelly ·
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    Definitely not rude. Last count we had 210 invites & that was only first cousins. We simply could not afford to invite second cousins.
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  • Rebecca
    Devoted September 2021
    Rebecca ·
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    I have a big extended family too-my mom and I keep going back and forth about who should be invited. If it were up to her, everybody and their mailman would be invited. Definitely stick to what you want. You aren’t being ridiculous for putting your foot down.
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