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Liz
Devoted August 2021

Inviting people when you don't know if they have kids

Liz, on September 14, 2020 at 2:52 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12
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So I know this is going to sound strange, but here goes. How do you address STD and Invitations when you're unsure whether the couple you're inviting has kids.


Also is there a line item I could put on these to identify that we would prefer if you don't bring the young kiddos but if its something that would prevent you from coming please bring them, we would much have you there to celebrate with us.

For clarification; FH and I are regulars at a bar and want to invite the other regulars to our wedding as they've been with us through every step of our relationship and we talk to these people typically 2x+ a week in person then frequently through text or Facebook throughout the week. However the topic of kids doesn't always come up so there's some I honestly don't know whether they have kids or not. Even after stalking Facebook pages lol.



12 Comments

Latest activity by Margaret, on September 15, 2020 at 9:12 AM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    There's really no proper way to say "hey we don't know if you have kids, but if you do, we don't want you to bring them, but if not bringing them means that you won't come, you can bring them." Decide if you want kids there or not, don't leave it up to your guests. If these are your friends, it shouldn't be that difficult to figure out if they have kids. If you really don't feel comfortable asking, you can address the save the date to "The Smith Family," and they will assume that it includes their children if they have them.

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  • Liz
    Devoted August 2021
    Liz ·
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    We already know there will be guaranteed kids at the wedding, 15 just including our immediate families. So we're not anti kids at all, just rather it not get out of control.
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  • Liz
    Devoted August 2021
    Liz ·
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    Oh and I forgot to add that because of COVID our bar will be shutting down in the next 2 weeks so I most likely won't get to see several of these people face to face until the wedding where it will be a reunion of sorts.
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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    I agree with this. However if you don't want kids in attendance, don't invite them. Address it to adults only. If you do want them there, address it as 'The Smith Family'. But pick one and stick to it, and be consistent so that it's either all kids or none.
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  • Liz
    Devoted August 2021
    Liz ·
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    Would addressing to the Smith family be poor etiquette when there are no children?

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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    If there are no children, address it as John and Mary Smith.
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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    You can still keep in touch via text or DMs on social media
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  • Kia
    Devoted September 2021
    Kia ·
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    I am assuming if you guys meet up pretty regularly you probably ask each other “what’s new?” in each other’s lives. Next time they ask, just talk about the wedding and get their “input” on what they think you should do/say in regards to verbiage: “Do you have kids? What do you think I should say?”
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  • VIP August 2020
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    I think it would be a bit awkward.
    It sounds like you don't really want these people to bring their kids, but if they're desperate to, they'll probably tell you and you can address the actual invitations appropriately. Although, you hang out with these people regularly and don't even know if they have kids, so if they do have them, they probably also have reliable babysitters.
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    Just don't invite the kids
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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Frankly if I didn’t know if they had kids or not, I wouldn’t invite their kids either way. Just because you’re inviting some close kids doesn’t mean you need to include the children of every guest. I’d just address the invite to the people I know— to me, those are the only ones that I’d like to invite to my wedding. I think of this like coworkers. I have a relationship with them but absolutely not with their kids and vice versa, so they don’t have a place at my wedding. It’s okay for me to invite my coworkers without their kids....probably everyone would be more comfortable that way anyway.
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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    For our STDs we just addressed it to the couple; these are sent far enough in advance that I don't think you need to address the entire family. For our invitations we addressed it to the couple and family (e.g. Mr. & Mrs John Doe and family)

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