Inviting One Cousin but Not the Others?

If you're not in touch with the others, I don't think this would be a big deal, but do you think she would let it slip and then others would get offended?

View Quoted Comment They may find out just through pictures and whatnot - and I’m thinking of inviting her but not her brother, so he’d know. But he didn’t invite me to his wedding a few years ago, and none of my other cousins did either - I don’t really think they’d be justified in being offended for me not inviting them.

I think you’d be fine. You haven’t had any contact with them in years & most importantly, you didn’t get invited to their weddings.

This may be a rule among individual families but it is not an etiquette rule. Only invite you cannot imagine the day without who will add to your happiness and don’t do anything out of obligation to please others who don’t have a say in the details. The only “if you invite one, you must invite all” rule according to etiquette, which is the guidelines to navigate social situations with fellow humans to avoid awkward and hurt feelings, is related to children 17 and under who are or are not invited. Either invite all or none because you will offend when you pick and choose, including “wedding party only” or “our offspring only” or “newborns only”.



As far as aunts/uncles/cousins, use the same rule as for deciding on any other guest: “can you imagine the day without them or are they only invited to please parents or other relatives?” If they are part of your must-have list because you want them in attendance, then invite them as an individual family. The fact one aunt/uncle/cousin group is not close to you and will cause you more stress by attending is reason to not invite them. If someone else is upset, that is their issue to deal with.
Start a tradition of a family reunion picnic at another time at the local state park where you all can gather and it is not on your dime to host anyone you are not comfortable with paying for at your wedding.

Yes. There’s general rules, and then there’s real life situations. My husband invited only one cousin from his late dad’s side of the family, she was one of 3 siblings….and the only one who 1: lives locally and 2: makes any effort to be involved in our family. But she does make an effort— a very big one. Comes to family holidays and everything. Tbh I’m not even sure of both her siblings’ names. But I know her, and well! So it made all the sense for her to be invited. Nothing is weird with the rest of those cousins bc we already have no relationship with them ! (No ill will…I don’t think. Just no relationship)

I was in a similar situation to yours. I am not close with a lot of family members outside my immediate family. I did invite my aunts and uncles except for one and I only invited one cousin and her BF. And the only reason why I invited that one cousin is because she is the only one who I really talk to and we are fairly close. The others ( her sister and brother included) I didn't invite because the other cousins who have gotten married didn't invite me to their weddings or I'm just not close to them at all. Maybe that hurt my aunts and uncles feelings IDK. But they didn't bring it up and I wouldn't have cared either way. But that is just me. I have a large, blended, complicated and dysfunctional family. Our wedding was on the smaller side 100 people invited and about 85 showed up and it was mostly my husband's side of the family that took up the majority of the guest list. My side was fairly small.

I agree, in this case, because it's only one cousin, I think you're fine. You didn't attend their weddings and you haven't seen them in more than a decade, it makes sense not to invite them. Also it's only one cousin. You're not inviting half and not the other half. I personally feel like you're good.

I'm doing something similar. Of my 20+ cousins, only the two I talk to are invited. The other all know about my wedding, too (family members told them).