Inviting my daughter's grandma

Hi Cynthia,

I actually think thats a fab idea, no need to bring in anyone other than those who matter. If both your FH and you are both in agreement that this is what you'd like then why not? After-all its someone you trust as well as a person your daughter trusts so all the better, plus it seems like you have kept open communication with grandma and are both in good places in your lives so I say go for it. If people don't ask don't tell but if anyone asks be honest because there is no reason for you not to have a good relationship with your daughters grandmother who loves her and is there for her she'll gladly watch over your daughter and you'll know she's being looked after and can enjoy! You're good girl, don't worry about it!

If you and your FH are good with it then I wouldn’t worry about what anyone else thinks. It sounds like it would be good for everyone, including your daughter so go for it.

I would definitely invite her. I invited my stepdad even though he’s not married to my mom anymore. Sat him in the front row and took all the pics with him and everyone was super nice about it. Most people didn’t even know who he was and the ones that did knew how important he is to me and it’s my wedding not theirs. She’s important to you and your daughter, and she’s not going to walk around with a name tag saying ex’s mother lol. I think it’ll be fine and wonderful.

If your fiance is down for the idea which it sounds like he is, then I would invite her. While it definitely isn't the norm, who cares. It is your wedding so do what you want.

View Quoted Comment Aw thank you so much! I was just over thinking it to much. Plus my FH's family is judgemental but they also love my daughter so I'm sure they can understand. But I'm 100% sure they will ask "whose the lady watching katalina?".

View Quoted Comment Yes we all have a good relationship (thank goodness). I just hate explaining myself to people who aren't or won't ever go through the situation. Thank you for your words! I'm relieved

View Quoted Comment Hahaha that last part made me laugh! But it's true. No one will know unless they ask. And when they ask it'll be the day of and I can't change it. That's awesome they accepted your wants of your stepdad being there. Thank you!

If anyone reads, do I send a formal invite to the grandma? Or do I ask her to join so she can care for my daughter? Or send an invite then see if she can make it or not and then ask her to take care of her?

View Quoted Comment Very true! Thank you!

Family is family no matter how they came into your life. You can invite who you want. Look...wanna talk weird? I used to work with a guy that separately dated two woman that were also friends and when they both got married to other men, he was the best man in each of the weddings because he became good friends with their grooms :/ lol. I think it would be nice and forget what anyone says if they do. I think it is a great idea.

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I am sure they will ask but the reality is that both your hubby to be and you both agree on this and as judgmental as anyone wants to be, because we all have someone like that lol, its your choice and your partner has your back 100%. My in laws were judgy about certain things I was choosing for the wedding and has always tells my husband how spoiled I am, etc. It was super annoying but at the end of the day my hubby chose me and we are super happy together and his family loves to see him happy and I make him happy so either we all get along and are a merry happy family or we dont. They got on board and love me!

Back to you though, as long as princess Katalina is happy and taken care of, don't worry about it! lol

Don't worry yourself about something because of what others will think, just do you! Weddings make us overthink things to the power of 1,000.

I would definitely invite her! In fact, my ex-father-in-law and his girlfriend were guests at my second wedding, and he still regularly comes to our gatherings. As long as you all get along, it doesn't really matter what other people think about it, and it will mean a lot to your child someday.

I would formally invite her. But she’s a guest and shouldn’t be expected to watch your daughter. I’m sure she will but your hiring her if that’s the case you should pay for her ticket, hotel etc so she can watch your daughter.

Sounds totally good to me. Today's family is a mix of all sorts of relationships. I would send her an invitation and put a note inside asking if she'd be in charge of her granddaughter so you have peace of mind and can relax.

View Quoted Comment I would reach out to her first, to see if she is willing and able to attend and take care of/keep an eye on daughter throughout the day, so that it’s up front that that’s part of the deal. IF she says yes, then I would also send her a proper invite (you’ll need to include her in guest count for seating/meal anyway— easier to stay there with an RSVP just like your other guests).



I would advise NOT to just send an invite, wait for a response, and then ask about childcare. This is misleading in 2 ways: 1. She could say yes excitedly thinking you want her there just to be there, and then get upset to feel like she’s really just being asked to be a baby sitter or 2. She could say no bc she feels awkward about just attending , even though she’s available and willing to watch the kid, and if she knew that was part of the invite , she would’ve definitely come.
So definitely a good move to discuss first. And if it’s a yes, personally I’d go for the proper invite. Easy way to ensure she gets all the necessary details, and that you get your formal rsvp

I would say yes, definitely invite her but not necessarily expect her to watch your daughter all night

That is terrific. It is nice that you invite her, and make it clear that she personally is important to you after your marriage, as well as your daughter. She probably is hoping you will make a positive effort or gesture . People say, oh we will always be in touch, then do nothing to make it happen, too often. How his family ( her son's) in general feels doesn't matter a hoot. It matters very much for your daughter's long term security not to feel she looses her Gran when you marry her new stepfather. He wants what is best for daughter. Great!

Your wedding is about who you want to be there. I'm inviting my uncle and his wife (I adore them both.) And I'm inviting his ex wife and her husband. (They get along now, and they have always been in my life.) We are also inviting my cousin's aunt. Who I always thought was family until a couple years ago. We also have an aunt who married into our family. When her husband (our relative) walked out on her, our family decided we liked her better. Kept her, and I've never met her exhusband.
If she is someone you want there, invite her.
Families are sometimes more about choices than blood.

We are also inviting my FHs cousin and mother. FH's uncle (cousin's father) is not invited.

That is not weird at all. It takes someone with a big heart to be able to do that. You will teach your daughter what a healthy relationship is. Nothing is more important than the support you have from your FH. It's lovely and do invite her with no bad feelings