Inviting late spouse family to remarriage

This is a really really personal decision. If you are close with them, I feel that I would invite them if you are comfortable inviting them. If she isn't ready to see you with someone else, she won't come. I'm not sure when you're wedding is but things can change with time. I think it will always be hard for her to see you with someone else but like I said, if she feels uncomfortable, I'm sure she'll politely decline. I'm sorry for your loss, also congrats & good luck

My DH was widowed at a young age. It would have bothered me if he had invited her family (different circumstances as he doesn’t have any children) but I still find it strange that you would want to invite them.

On a a different note, are you sure you are ready to get married again? Your wedding is in a few months and your husband passed only two years ago. Dealing with a terminal illness is extremely difficult. While I realize that everyone grieved at their own pace, please make sure you are ready and completely healed.

I think it’s really a personal choice. If you feel like you should, your ex MIL could always say no. That would work for both parties, but if she were to say yes, for he sake of her grandkids, would you be okay and comfortable having her witness your marriage to the man she didn’t want in her home?

If she didn't want him in her home for Thanksgiving, I think it's highly unlikely she'd be okay with attending your wedding to him.

Please accept my condolences for your loss but, I am very happy that you have found love again. That is something special and should absolutely be celebrated without any guilt or worry.

Personally, I would not invite her. She was unable to accept your new partner at Thanksgiving dinner which means she is clearly not ready to move on. She will likely decline even if invited. If circumstances were different and she was open and accepting of your new relationship I'd say it would be a nice gesture but, I feel like your FH will be uncomfortable if she does attend knowing she doesn't approve and you will likely feel weird that day too. If she attends it will be awkward for all involved. This is not something that should be worked out on your wedding day. Hopefully, with time your late husband's mother will become more accepting and welcome you and your FH into her life but, that is something she will need to do on her own terms when she is ready.

Also, I just wanted to say kudos to you for ensuring your children still have a relationship with her and her family even if she does not accept FH.

When my late hubby passed I never ever thought I'd get married again (5 year widow) and upon his sudden passing his kids from a prior relationship...well I will just say we never got along afterwards. However I was close friends with late hubbys family members but at the end of the day still I didn't invite them. When they heard I was remarrying they reached out and gave me their blessings (best wedding gift ever). I married a widower (8 year widower who also planned never to remarry) and we invited his late wife's kids who are adults. I very much wanted them to take part in some way in the wedding but the request was declined. The best wedding gift they gave us was their blessings and they attended all events and welcomed me wholeheartedly into the family. I said that to say this families are all different and its best not to push those who aren't on board. Deep down your former MIL wants what's best for you and will eventually come around. You mentioned you and your late hubby had kids, just keep their grandmother in their lives. I humbly submit my reply.

I am marrying a man who lost his first wife to cancer in October 2014. He has chosen to invite his in laws to our wedding, but they are accepting of me and it’s been a bit longer for them than it’s been for your in laws so they’ve had more time to process the grief.

I'm kind of in a similar situation. My fiancee is a widower also, been over 2 yrs for him also. His mil, hasn't been welcoming with me and that in turn his daughter hasn't given me much of a chance because of her. I don't want her at our wedding, but I'm trying to get passed the things I've been dealing with. He wants her invited. Do what you feel is right for your new life. It's a wonderful thing to have a new start. The last thing you want is to look in the crowd and see frowning faces at your beautiful day. I'm afraid, I might see that at mine. Do what's best for you great guy as well, he needs to feel wanted and nothing less by anyone in your previous family. He deserves respect. That is something that you'll have to make that strong statement with them. Congrats and you'll do what's best.

I'm so sorry for this bittersweet situation. I don't think I would invite them if it would cause more pain.

How does FH feel about inviting her? She's still healing, its understandable for her to feel this way right now but FH is here to stay and that's your kids grandmother... There's got to be some sort of acceptance eventually. I think I would invite her even if she does decline at least she was given that option.

I'm so sorry for your loss and such a heartbreaking dilemma.

I would love to know what ever became of your decision. I hope that you did what was best for YOU and not what you thought would make everyone else happy. Wedding or not, it wouldn't change they way your ex- in laws feel. Nor should you require anyone's "approval" of your new love. At some point you are disrespecting your new love by being overly concerned about your ex-in laws feelings about your life choices. Moving forward is not an indication of disregard of your love for the past. No one can say how they would feel if they were in your situation unless they have been. Shame on anyone who thinks they even think about asking you if you are "ready" to get re-married. Love is love. We don't have control over who and when. God doesn't make mistakes regarding who he places in our path.

I am currently in your situation exactly. My late husband of 26 years passed 2 1/2 years ago after a 5 year long battle with Melanoma. Although my ex-in laws act and speak as though they are supportive and happy for me and my new boyfriend, they also show signs they don't want to be witness to the reality of my new relationship. I totally understand. However, on my wedding day (or post celebration) I do not want to feel as though I have to be discreet with my affection towards my new spouse because I'm worried about how anyone of them would feel. I personally have not decided what I will do, but I'm leaning towards writing an individual letter to each of them, with an invitation, offering for them to decline the invite without worrying about how I feel about it and that I will still love them the same. I will also be having a very intimate celebration. By the way, this also includes my older adult step-children.

I wish the best for you and your new husband. Life is for the living, LIVE YOUR LIFE!

Inviting them is the best thing to do for your conscious but expect them to decline at least you put the invite out there and honored your husband and your relationship with them.

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Thank you for your response. I ended up not inviting them. It was a very difficult decision and I know it hurt their feelings, but my former mother-in-law and I talked it out, and we still have the same close relationship we did before. I think by not inviting them, my mother-in-law could see how hurt I was that she didn't want to include my finance in Thanksgiving. It wasn't like I was trying to "get back at her," but I think she then understood how it felt. Now she is sure to invite my new step-family to all the family gatherings she hosts in her home.

Best wishes to you on your journey ahead. Moving forward in this situation is certainly not easy, and everyone has their own pace that they are comfortable with.

And by the way, my late husband died of melanoma as well.

I would love to know how this worked out for you... I am actually in the exact same situation. My husband passed 2 years ago and I’m getting married next year. I’m so nervous about this and just want to relieve the stress. My fiancé doesn’t want late family to come as it’s our day. I do/don’t for the same reasons, don’t want to make anyone sad but this is our day and our new life. I feel like one day should be my fiancé’s... really hoping you see this message. Thanks in advance. I hope it worked out for you. It’s such a unique and touchy position to be in.

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I am in the same situation. I was a widow at 23 and am getting married now. Ultimately I ended up talking to them in person and asking them what they wanted to do. Something along the lines of being really grateful for having them in my lives and how they are my family but I understand that there are so many feelings involved in a wedding and how their happiness was more important than feeling obligated to join. Also if you don't want them to come I would either do a small dinner with them if they want to celebrate with you and your fiance at a different time. My ex in laws knew that I still love their son and always will and I did mention to them, at first, that I wasn't sure if I would be able to invite them. Weddings are really emotional times and I just said that I might not be strong enough. Hope it helps, grief is a hard thing to go through especially when you are trying to focus on creating happy memories.

I have to weigh in on this one - just to provide another perspective. I lost my first husband 27 years ago almost to this day - very suddenly. He was 35 and was larger than life. We had 2 very young children (5 and7) and as you can imagine, we were totally devastated by the loss - as was his family. I met my current husband and we married after 5 years. My MIL was loving and accepting of him but my brother in law was not accepting whatsoever. My SIL was luke warm - would acknowledge him but only invite me to family functions - he was not invited. Needless to say they were not invited to our wedding. I always kept a good relationship with my MIL and my kids always saw my late husband's family and attended all events..but 25 years later - when my older daughter was married, they WERE invited to her wedding and both BIL and SIL + family attended. They all were so overcome with grief (crying and carrying on at the reception) that it really tainted my daughter's day. I was so stressed and nervous about my BIL making my husband (of 20 years) uncomfortable, I was not able to relax and honor the day as I wish I could have. It makes me very sad that my daughter not only went through the horrible loss of her young dad as a child but had this bittersweet reminder of it on her wedding day. I would be careful if you feel your late husband's family could in any way take away from your special day. You loved your first husband totally when he was alive, but now you should be focused on your husband to be...imho.