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Just Said Yes July 2020

Inviting Kids

Danielle, on July 14, 2019 at 2:59 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13

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I’m struggling with inviting my extended family’s kids. I want my extended family to be there on our special day, but we are limited by space at our venue & there just isn’t room for all of the kids on that side of the family if they all come.

They live two states over and I used to visit them all the time as a kid, and we stay in touch over social media some, but I don’t know their kids. My fiancé’s extended family is local and their kids are part of our lives, so they will be invited.

Can we invite the kids we know & not the kids we don’t? If the extended fam can’t come without their kids, I would totally understand, but not sure if they would be as understanding if they made arrangements to come without their kids & then saw the other kids there.. thoughts??

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Latest activity by Rachel, on July 15, 2019 at 4:40 PM

Champion October 2018
Kelly · on July 14, 2019 at 3:04 PM
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With kids you can invite in circles. So saying wedding party kids only or kids of immediate family. But you can’t invite some cousins kids and not other cousins kids.
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Just Said Yes July 2020
Danielle · on July 14, 2019 at 3:09 PM
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So this is REALLY extended family. My fiancé’s extended family is cousins. I have a really small immediate family (only child, no aunts or uncles with kids) so we always called that side of the family my cousins (that is now 4 generations long & all with multiple kids).. but they’re actually like my cousins twice removed or something like that. Is that splitting hairs or is that valid? With their side being so big, and actually having cousins, I don’t know if they think of me over here two states away the same.
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Just Said Yes July 2020
Danielle · on July 14, 2019 at 3:14 PM
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And by twice removed, there my grandmas niece’s & their grand kids. We’re the same age & it’s their kids, so the great grandkids on that side, that I’m iffy on. That whole side of the family is just so big.. and it’s 10 kids that I’ve maybe met once.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 14, 2019 at 3:16 PM
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I think it's fine. If anyone asks just say you couldn't afford it and that should be all there is to say. Someone will always complain about something so don't worry too hard on it.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 14, 2019 at 3:36 PM
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I would invite children in circles. So maybe children of immediate family only, or immediate family and cousins, whatever you can fit. It would be rude to invite the children of some cousins and not others.
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Super July 2020
D · on July 14, 2019 at 4:23 PM
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Maybe it's just me but I'd be mad to find out the wedding wasn't adults only after traveling 2 states aways and being asked to keep my children at home.
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Master September 2020
Jessica · on July 14, 2019 at 5:11 PM
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I agree with this. If it was children in the WP only it would be different, but with local family bringing their kids I’d be pretty pissed to have arranged someone to stay with my one do I could travel and attend.
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Just Said Yes October 2019
Julie · on July 14, 2019 at 5:47 PM
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It can be a lot to ask of family members to find childcare for their kids when they’re traveling a few states away. One idea would be to make it an “Adults Only” wedding, but arrange childcare/babysitters nearby so that parents can still bring their kids on the trip, but won’t have to worry about them at the wedding itself. We’re considering this for our wedding, and have gotten some positive feedback from family members!
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Savvy August 2020
Lauren · on July 14, 2019 at 5:58 PM
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I think this is a good idea! We are personally only having our nieces and nephews invited (and they’re all in it, as well). We figured that most people have their parents/in-laws for babysitting purposes so we didn’t arrange to have a babysitter available although we’d of course recommend people if they ask, but that’s a nice idea!
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Super October 2020
Renee · on July 15, 2019 at 4:50 AM
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Personally I'd reach out to them and explain it like you did on here. You have fond memories of growing up together and it would mean a lot to have them there with you on your special day but you're limited on space. If you're still close enough, explain that there will be some kids there but they're local family you see more often and you don't want to upset them, but honestly you don't know their kids and are limited on space.
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Super October 2019
Cassi · on July 15, 2019 at 11:46 AM
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This is tricky. As a mother ( a single mother for the longest time). I was in these positions for adult only events and I had to find childcare. I didn't mind BUT honestly I probably would have if I showed up to these events and kids were there. It is a lot to ask family to come 2 states away and leave there children behind. that means they will need to find childcare for 3 days. May not be so hard for some people but others might opt out of coming in general just because of that factor. If that's okay then I would just go for it. I do believe you need to be 100% upfront about it though because you will have upset people that had to travel for a wedding AND find someone to take their kids for the time and then they show up and see kids there. I get where you are coming from, unfortunately this is just one of those tough situations.
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Devoted October 2020
Alli · on July 15, 2019 at 3:54 PM
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I won't tell you what to do because it's you and your FH day, and you should do whatever you think is best but, I would be hurt to find out my children weren't important enough to be invited but other (even if on the other side..) children were. Whether you know them or not is kind of irrelevant, especially since they are out of town.
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Expert September 2019
Rachel · on July 15, 2019 at 4:40 PM
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I struggled with this as well! The thing is, I KNOW their kids!! I ended up still doing an 18+ invite, though. There has been some drama, but ironically not by these kids' parents (my cousins), but by the grandparents (my aunts and uncles). I'm mostly letting my parents handle their siblings with a "we did this because we literally cannot afford to feed all these kids; we promise we still love them." I don't know how well that's going because, well, I'm staying out of it.

If you have a really tight-knit, huge clan-type family, you might run into the same issue. Other people have had no issues with it. It was hard for me at first to cut the kids off of the list, but now that RSVPs are coming in, I'm seeing the sense in the decision we made.

Good luck!
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Inviting Kids

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