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Jenna
Savvy October 2020

Inviting Kids Etiquette

Jenna, on October 1, 2019 at 3:47 AM Posted in Planning 1 8
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My fiancé and I started our guest list and I'm trying to figure out the etiquette surrounding inviting kids. To start off, my fiancé and I love kids and don't necessarily want to have an adults-only wedding. However, if we invite everyone's kids, that could easily take up a huge chunk of our guest list. Even though it's likely that most people won't want to bring their kids, I imagine you would still have to count them as going until you get a definite "no" on the invite and those are fewer spots for other people to come. Many of the people we want to invite have like five kids that we either don't know or barely know. I've heard that you can do a situation where you only invite the kids in your wedding party and kids of close family, otherwise you have to invite everyone's kids. We also are in a unique situation where we're close with many of the kids because we help out in the kids room at church a lot so it would feel weird not allowing some of those kids to go. Our friends from church got married recently and did no kids except babies, close family's kids, and the officiant's kids, but their wedding was out of state so everyone treated it like an adult's vacation. I'm not sure how to get away with that when we're staying in town and having the wedding at our church. What rules should we follow when it comes to inviting kids to the wedding?


Should we invite just kids in the wedding party and kids of family members? Could we get away with also allowing the kids from church to come or even just the few we're really close with? Could we get away with allowing people to bring their kids who let us know it'll be a big issue? I'd rather them come with their kids than not come at all. If we go with no kids, what is the age limit to allowing friends to bring their babies? If the church has a max capacity would we need to count the babies as an actual guest? Do we need to invite our wedding party's kids? One of my bridesmaids has like 5 kids and her parents can't watch them because they're also invited. But they're all traveling out of state to come. If we decide to invite everyone's kids, would we also have to count their adult kids who live with them? If someone has some kids under eighteen and some adult kids, do we need to invite them all?

I have so many questions and all help is appreciated.


8 Comments

Latest activity by Brittany, on October 1, 2019 at 3:53 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    It seems like children of the bridal party and family members would be your best bet. I get wanting to include the kids that you're close with from church, but there's no way to explain to another congregation member that, sorry, we aren't close with your kids like the others. I think anything without a clear definition is where it starts to become trouble. "Family member's children" is clearly defined, "kids from church that we're close to" is not. As far as capacity, yes, kids should be included. If the fire department shows up and you're over capacity, they don't care that little Johnny is only a year old, he's still a person. If you go with no kids except young babies, I think a year old is a good cut off. Adult children don't have to be invited with their parents, but if they also have underage kids that you do want to invite, I would just invite all of the children. For example, if one friend has a 20 year old, they don't need to be invited. If they have a 16 year old and an 18 year old, I would invite them both. If one sibling is invited, they all should be.

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  • J
    Expert May 2021
    Jaime ·
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    I asked a similar question recently and the consensus was to invite kids in circles. So, wedding party children, family children, friends children, etc. I would honestly keep it to wedding party and family children in your situation. It sounds a bit too much like you are picking and choosing which church kids to invite which may cause confusion and hurt feelings.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    We invited family children only (didn't have kids in the wedding party) so our siblings and cousins. A few other friends or family friends had kids that were not invited. You certainly don't have to invite all children but as long as you do it in "circles" you're fine.

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  • Jenna
    Savvy October 2020
    Jenna ·
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    That makes a lot of sense! Thanks for that advice!
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  • Jenna
    Savvy October 2020
    Jenna ·
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    Right! I get that! So in regards to the circles, would it half to be inviting kids of all our friends? We have different circles of friends we’re inviting. We have church friends and then also an organization we volunteer with, everyone involved is invited since it’s a fairly small group. Could we invite kids from church and not kids of people in the volunteer group? Or would we just have to invite kids of all our friends in general?
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  • Jenna
    Savvy October 2020
    Jenna ·
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    Okay that makes sense. Luckily even though my fiancé has a big family, the only family members with kids are his sister and my cousin. So the circles thing would help a lot!
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  • Jacquelyn
    Beginner December 2019
    Jacquelyn ·
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    I am only inviting the kids in the wedding. On invites to families with kids that are not invited, I do not put the children's name on the invite, hoping it is clear! It was nothing personal against kids, they are just expensive to feed!

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  • Brittany
    Dedicated May 2021
    Brittany ·
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    I say only invite children that are part of the family. This way no one can be hurt that their kid was not invited but someone else's was. You can simply so no kids, except family.

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