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Devoted March 2021

Inviting guests to wedding events who are not invited to the wedding.

on February 12, 2019 at 2:51 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 25

According to etiquette, you are not supposed to invite guests to your bachelorette party/bridal shower who are not on your guest list to attend your wedding. In my opinion, that really stinks!! I don’t think it’s fair that people aren’t considered at all just because they aren’t on your guest list....
According to etiquette, you are not supposed to invite guests to your bachelorette party/bridal shower who are not on your guest list to attend your wedding. In my opinion, that really stinks!! I don’t think it’s fair that people aren’t considered at all just because they aren’t on your guest list. There are so many events leading up to that one* BIG day, but if your budget or your venue does not allow you to have everyone attend, why should they be left in the dark all together? Personally, I think that would hurt my feelings more if I had a friend who I considered to be a good friend who didn’t allow me to join in on her excitement.
With all that being said, I sent a message to all of the friends who I could not invite explaining that my FH and I are paying for our own wedding and that we wish we could have everyone there, but we just can’t. I also mentioned that of course I would never expect any type of gift from them if they chose to come to the bachelorette party/bridal shower, that just having them there would make me so happy. Every single person that I sent the message to was so sweet and understanding and thanked me for letting them know ahead of time. They’ve all been in my shoes planning weddings, baby showers....etc. They know what all is involved cost-wise as well as having to choose your guests, and said that they would love to still be a part of anything that they could. That was such a huge relief because I truly love all of my friends and I wish I could have them all there, it caused me physical pain and anxiety having to tell them this, but I am glad that I sent this message because it cleared the air and hopefully prevented any hurt feelings or drama. If you would like to see the message I sent word-for-word I would be willing to share if you find yourself in this position as well.

25 Comments

  • Rayna
    Devoted July 2019
    Rayna ·
    • Flag
    I highly doubt they’ll tell you if they find it rude. I’ve gone to a shower where I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I loved my friend and was happy for her so I went. But it was very awkward for me being there surrounded by the people who mattered enough to get an actual invite. It was uncomfortable and rude but I never said anything bc nothing is gained by making the bride feel bad about it.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
    • Flag

    I agree with what Caytlyn said. You can't afford to host everyone at your wedding, but you still want gifts and attention and found a pseudo-"cute" way to cover it up by saying "I dont want gifts." No one is going to come to a shower without a gift. It's a shower, it's literally a party for gifts. Also, no one is going to tell you that they are hurt or offended. They're just going to say it behind your back. If I got a message like this, I would re-think my friendship with the bride. It's one thing to not be invited due to budget reasons, it's entirely another to gift grab and still expect people to celebrate with you at the other events. If your friends truly wanted to celebrate with you despite not being invited to the wedding, they would probably offer to take you out for a drink and give you a gift on their own accord.

    • Reply
  • Angerra
    VIP August 2019
    Angerra ·
    • Flag
    I'm glad that you received positive feedback from your friends and that they'll be able to enjoy some of the pre-wedding moments with you!

    Maybe I'm just different. I think that some of the wedding traditions are antiquated. Now knowing how much a wedding can cost, I don't think I would have an issue with being invited to pre-wedding events; especially if it was someone I wasn't super close with. If it were a close family member or friend, I would be disappointed that I'm not invited to the wedding.

    I find it to be a nice gesture that you're honest enough to say, hey we really can't afford to invite everyone that we would love to share our special day with; but, we'd like to have you join us at the bridal shower/bachelor(ette) party/welcome party. With emphasis that they are not expected to bring a gift, just their faces!
    • Reply
  • Fwbride
    Super July 2024
    Fwbride ·
    • Flag
    It’s always the same people on here saying the same old things about why etiquette is so important: blah blah blah. If I were you I would have stuck to inviting them to the bachelorette and not the shower or maybe naming the shower an engagement party. You do have to think about how awake are it is for them to go to a gift giving event and bring 0 gifts... or you could have had a get together with all your friends that didn’t make it on the list. If I couldn’t tell my friends that I couldn’t afford to host them at my wedding without them getting pissy with me I would re-think the friendship altogether. I say go head with your bad self!😎
    • Reply
  • K
    Just Said Yes February 2023
    Kim ·
    • Flag

    Hi,
    Yes, I would love to see the wording. My daughter is getting married with only the immediate family. I was going to host a bridal shower for her friends who would not be invited to the wedding. I did not realize that was considered rude. She's not looking for gifts just to party and hang out with her gurls one last time. She's going to do a zoom link for those that are not invited as well as send a shot glass to each of them so they can join in for the toast.My email is ********@***.*** (that's 4-e's)Thank you for sharing!



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