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Dedicated October 2018

Inviting guests to bridal shower but not to wedding?

Oct62018bride, on July 3, 2018 at 11:03 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14
So, there are people (old co workers and some high school friends I see at Christmas parties and sometimes baby showers) that I'd love to invite to my bridal shower but can't afford to invite to the wedding. It'd be nice to celebrate a little with them but I don't want them to feel like I'm only inviting them for the gifts or money. Has anyone ever been invited to just the shower?

14 Comments

Latest activity by J. N., on August 6, 2020 at 3:06 AM
  • Daria
    VIP January 2019
    Daria ·
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    I'm sure it's been done before, but that doesn't make it right. It's extremely rude. Keep your shower to wedding invitees only.

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  • augbride
    Super August 2018
    augbride ·
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    This is generally considered rude and gift grabby, and for good reason. If I was invited to just a shower and not the wedding I would be a little off put and likely not attend the shower.

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  • Tori
    Devoted March 2019
    Tori ·
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    Bridal shower should be immediate and some extended family, bridal party, close friends. Do not invite them if they are not invited to the wedding. Big no-no.
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  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
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    People who are invited to any pre -wedding event must be invited to the wedding. It is rude to invite someone to come to give you a gift, then not be invited to the wedding.

    It is however, no breach of etiquette, if a group of women, knowing they are not invited to the wedding, want to host a shower in your honor. This is often the case with co-workers, church members, old neighbors, club members etc,

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  • N
    Expert October 2018
    Nicole ·
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    Unfortunately guests that are invited to the shower will usually assume that they are then also invited to the wedding. So you may want to steer clear of this. Maybe do a brunch with them separately?
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I would probably be offended if I was invited to a shower and not wedding, unless it was a SUPER small wedding (like under 20 people) or small DW.

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  • C
    Dedicated August 2018
    Crystal ·
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    No, either invite them to both or neither. I've read that people see it as greedy for gifts. haha. inviting them to the bridal shower will imply they will be invited to the wedding. just think, how would you feel if you were invited to a bridal shower, bought a nice gift for the bride, and never got invited to the wedding? awkward??

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  • Shelby
    Devoted September 2018
    Shelby ·
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    I would be very upset if I was invited to a shower, purchased a gift, and then found out I didn't make the cut for the wedding. I would say squeeze them into your guest list somehow or don't invite them to the shower at all. If you really want to reconnect with them and can't invite them to the wedding, just meet up for lunch or something one day instead.

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  • OrangeCrush
    Super October 2017
    OrangeCrush ·
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    I agree with this. Do not invite anyone knowing they are not invited to the wedding to the shower. Big no no, for sure!

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  • M
    Expert May 2018
    Monica ·
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    No and I would advise not to because it does look like you are gift grabby. Only invite those you can afford to attend both
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  • Jen
    VIP July 2018
    Jen ·
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    No, that's not happened to me. If I knew at the time that I wasn't getting invited to the wedding I wouldn't attend the shower. Honestly these people will assume they are getting a wedding invitation so I wouldn't even go there. It will end up being awkward.

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  • Joanna
    Devoted February 2016
    Joanna ·
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    Actually a shower is a gift-giving event so yes, they'd probably feel like they were invited for their gift. Have a non-wedding-related bbq or something a few weeks or so after the wedding.

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  • K squared
    Super October 2017
    K squared ·
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    You can say that you're not just inviting them for gifts but you're doing exactly that as you're inviting them to a party that exists solely for gift giving. If you really want to celebrate with them then you would have found a way to invite them to the wedding. You didn't because you're not that close. Which is fine, we can't invite everyone we've ever met to our weddings. However, they don't need the consolation prize of buying you a gift and attending your shower. I am going to strongly assume that they're fine with not attending and would rather just catch up at the annual xmas party.
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  • J
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    J. N. ·
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    I think the people obsessed with gifts are the ones with the problem here. A bridal shower is intended for the women in the bride's life (or who are going to be in her life, i.e. in-laws) to get together to socialize. Who cares if they bring gifts? And if you want to give a gift to someone for their wedding, you don't have to be invited to their wedding. A wedding is an intimate thing, not the circus people try to turn it into. A shower is a chance for people to celebrate even if they can't be there for the vows themselves. Also, you could think of it this way, you don't give a gift at a baby shower and then get upset for not being invited to the birth. Seriously.

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