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Just Said Yes May 2021

Inviting future sister in law to bachelorette?

Jaime, on April 30, 2019 at 12:17 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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I know there’s a few similar threads but nothing quite similar to the issue I have at hand.

My my fiancé and I met in college, I am from New York originally and he is from a small rural town in the south (Georgia). His family is super religious, grandfather is a pastor, go to church 3 times a week kind of religious. They don’t believe in drinking and my fiancé has never seen a family member of his drink in his life.

He has 2 younger sisters- one who is my same age and one who is 5 years younger who I have asked to be my bridesmaids. We get along well, although not best friends or very close because we love far from them.

Now, my sister and best friends are planning a weekend away bachelorette party and if any of theirs are any indication-there will be a lot of booze, probably a stripper or two, inappropriate decor, etc....that’s just the way we are! All fun-all laidback.

Im worried that his family will be offended if I don’t invite the sisters to my bachelorette weekend. They don’t really drink either (one drink here or there but not drinking drinking), don’t party and I am honestly afraid I will be uncomfortable getting drunk and letting loose with my friends if they are there since they don’t see me in that light.

I know if I invite them they will for sure want to come, so I’m stuck in a place of inviting them for courtesy and potentially not enjoying myself or possibly making a bad impression with my soon to be sisters.

Any advice or help on similar situations please!!???

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Jenna, on April 30, 2019 at 12:30 PM

Savvy March 2019
Future Q. · on April 30, 2019 at 12:34 AM
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I can completely relate to your dilemma. My MIL and family are religious and conservative drinkers too so what we did was host 2 parties~one for the wild night out, and the other a more quiet and subdued low key affair at a restaurant with drinks, food and all the trimmings (i.e. team bride necklaces and mother of the groom buttons, father of the bride hats, groomsmen hats, flashing lights, ect...)where we could all "get down" and celebrate in a more family-friendly way at a decent hour since work was the next day, lol. It turned out pretty fun and still gave off the bachelor/bachelorette party vibe...would recommend going this route for anyone who is nervous about partying too hard in the presence of more conservative family members. Best of luck!
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VIP September 2019
CDickman · on April 30, 2019 at 1:00 AM
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I would maybe go for a mani pedi with his sisters at a different time,
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on April 30, 2019 at 1:59 AM
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I wouldn’t invite them. I don’t think it would be expected and could offend them. I like CDickman’s spa day idea.
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Master May 2020
Tara · on April 30, 2019 at 6:13 AM
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I would either a) warm them about it and ask if they would even feel comfortable in that environment or b) do something else with them, separately; such as going out for brunch then getting nails done.
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Super September 2019
Anna · on April 30, 2019 at 6:25 AM
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I second this! They may be totally cool with it or they may not, so I would ask and say hey it’s completely ok if you’re not comfortable, we can set aside a day to hang just the three of us.
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Super September 2019
Alyssa · on April 30, 2019 at 7:51 AM
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I totally agree with an above post. I think that if you just don't invite them it might come across bad to them. I think just being honest and upfront will be best in this situation. Explain what you expect to happen with the party and express how you want them to decide if they want to come or not. If they decide not to come, than I think it would be a nice gesture to do something with them separately at a later date. If they want to come and accept what may happen than you warned them and there is nothing else you can do!
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on April 30, 2019 at 8:26 AM
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I agree with this. I don't think it is right to have a wedding related event and not invite all your bridesmaids. I understand your hesitation but they are adults and should make the decision for themselves. Good luck
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on April 30, 2019 at 10:00 AM
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I don’t think it is particularly appropriate to include someone in your wedding party but exclude them from the bachelorette— Bach feels like a bit of a package deal, and the lack of inclusion does come off a bit offensive (if I put myself in their shoes, I would feel bad). You could warn them that there will be drinking so they can opt out if they’re not comfortable, or you could plan itinerary where the start of the day is family friendly good clean fun, and they can opt in to that and leave before the rowdy parts. Or, you could have 2 separate events entirely— one for all, and then a separate girls’ weekend that I would probably call a “girls weekend” instead of “bachelorette”
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Super October 2019
Jenna · on April 30, 2019 at 12:30 PM
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Yep, this exactly! Leave the ball in their court.
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