Inviting for the sake of inviting

First of all, just because she was invited to theirs doesn't mean they have to be invited to yours.

I would never invite my parent's cousins! I can't IMAGINE how many people that would add to the list!

Just tell her, listen mom, we can't invite them because then we have to add dads cousins to be fair, as well as FMIL and FFIL's cousins too, which would increase our guest list by approximately 50 billion people.

Or, just say no.

Only invite those you want to invite. My mom was okay with the guest list on our side but MIL was not and thought our wedding should be a reunion. She also gave us the "invite them but they won't come" reason. DH put his foot down.

My thoughts toward this (see meme)

My mother is the same way, and I'm getting a lot of "you know they won't come anyway" or from others that they won't come and you don't have to worry about paying for them, but that you will still get a gift. The worst! The add-ons and just-becauses add up quickly and you may end up on the hook for more than you can afford. If mom isn't helping you guys pay, she doesn't get to choose who you invite.

Mom isn't paying so mom can't demand or insist. There was a bride on the knot a few years back whose FMIL SWORE non of those on the obligatory send them an invite list would not show. Well, the elderly favorite 94 year old aunt from the other side of the country decided she would attend as it would most likely be her last chance to see that side of the family. Word got out and every single one of the guests FMIL swore would not attend, did attend because of the elderly aunt. It was a family reunion. Bride was pissed as Hell.

Don't invite them and since you have a very long time til the wedding, I wouldn't discuss the guest list with your mom anytime soon.

My FMIL kept adding people and saying "they won't come, but they'll at least send you a gift." I didn't know that's what a wedding was about. I mean, I thought we were supposed to invite people that we want to spend the day with. Not invite people that we don't want to see just to hopefully receive a gift.

Invite who you want. This is how guest lists get bloated and budgets go out the window.

You're talking two years away. Stop discussing guest lists with her; it's far too early.

Oh my @jeleebeenz I would die!

@celia, I wasn't even trying to bring up guest lists but more of "I have a couple ideas for location".... When she said I had to invite everyone I just clammed up! I think I'm going to let this sit a bit before I start bringing up wedding details with her again haha.

If you're financing then it's your decision as to who you want to invite. Don't invite people that you don't want there just to make others happy. It may start some fights with your mom but you'll be happier in the end. I've been going through the same thing.

Just say no - it's not necessary and if they come you guys will have blown your budget. Remind your mom this is a wedding not a family reunion.

Yeah, shut that down before it gets out of hand. I've seen a lot of posts from brides on here who wanted a small wedding, and the guest list snowballed because of this exact situation.

Thanks ladies! I'll just need to put on my big girl panties for this one. My mom's scary to me lol. Like, I'm 26, living halfway across the country, living with FH, and I still get scared when she calls me by my first and middle names together lol!

Agree with PP definitely. FMIL gave us a list of over 50 and MOB gave us over 70 a few weeks after being engaged and without asking us anything. None of whom we knew because they were church or work friends, distant relatives. We planned a very small wedding we could afford 35 maximum. If she starts to invite who she wants, she will want to step in and plan what she wants for her friends not you later on.

Don't let her do this to you. What happens if these people end up coming? You're financing the wedding, so you do not want to trap yourself into having to pay for more people than you can afford. Explain this to her. Even if she keeps insisting that these people won't come, you never really know!

You've got to shut her down before your guest list is 3x the size you wanted. My FMIL tried to pull that crap too because she cared more that her sister would be mad at her than our wedding. These are the sort of "old school" crazies who think they are hosting the wedding and it is a reflection on them so they have to save face and invite every single family member and every single person they know. News flash to my FMIL: our wedding, our money, our choice, and frankly I don't care about your second cousins who we don't know and wouldn't even be able to pick me out of a lineup if it weren't for the white dress.

Don't agree because "they won't come". Your mom does not get to control your wedding and if you only want to invite immediate family, make no exceptions! Tell her you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but you will not be opening the door to extended family because that would be 100 extra people and you will not be picking and choosing from only her side. She just wants them to think they are invited to save face, but what that really boils down to is "I care more about my reputation than my daughter's wishes, respect and financial future". What if 50 extra people showed up? What if only 10 extra people showed up? It still f*cks up all your plans, venue size and finances when those 10 extra people created a completely unnecessary source of stress and $2000 debt.

Yeah parents always seem to throw out the quid pro quo for weddings. That is old school etiquette.

Nowadays with smaller budgets and brides paying for weddings themselves, people are inviting who they want.

Don't invite anyone on the assumption they won't come... Because they might.

I too got the same thing from both mothers.

FH and I have made it very clear to our parents. "If you want them there and we didn't invite them then you pay for them to be there. If you aren't paying don't ask us to invite them." This has been our motto and it has caused many arguments in the planning (mostly from FMIL) but we are sticking to our guns because we are having the wedding WE want, and the one WE can afford. They want to invite people to show off or feel important that their little babies are getting married and want to bring the family together etc. but they don't want to make the sacrifice so no! We're not inviting people who we don't know and have little to no relationship with so that people who aren't helping can be accommodated. Sorry Not Sorry

I'm having a similar issue with my FH, not FILs. He has close aunts, uncles, and cousins that live in Minnesota, Iowa, and Nebraska and is convinced most won't attend since the wedding will be in Florida. But if we didn't invite them apparently it would be a whole thing so we sent STDs and plan to send invites. We're prepared to accommodate them if needed, but I'm hoping he's played this the right way and the majority don't show. So far a few have already said they can't make it, but only time will tell. And yes, I'm already stressing about it!

My mom and FMIL both wanted to invite people they insist won't come. My mom is helping to pay and FMIL was going through a difficult time and we're all close. The requests put the guest list higher than I would have liked, but we could afford it. There is still insisting they won't come, but we're planning for if they do, so no surprises.

But you don't have to invite someone to your wedding because you or your parents were invited to there's.

We did this with FH's family (His mom is 1 of 10!!) They all live in Canada or Virginia, and the thing was, NONE of them RSVP'd no. Like, we called them, and they were like "oh yes, we can't come." but because of that, they just didn't RSVP at all. It made the process so much more stressful, even though none of them did end up saying they would come...

You are paying, you make the list. My mom is paying for my venue/food, and she is saying the same thing. But it's her money, so who am I to say no? It would be different if I was financing that portion.