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VIP October 2016

Inviting fighting family members?

ALH, on June 25, 2015 at 10:54 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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Was hoping I could get some input on this. My mother (now deceased) remarried after my father's death. The man that she remarried took us all in and cared for us (to the best of his ability) when I was 12 years old. He had to deal with her always being drugged up and having out of control children to take care of-- let's just say it was a hand-ful. Well, she passed away about five years ago and got her urn- since he was her husband. Long story short, my brother and his wife stayed with him when they had no where to go. My stepfather's new girlfriend did not like them and caused fights among all of them. Well, my brother's family ended up leaving because of her and the influence she had on my step-father. He still has my mother's urn, even though my older brother wants it. My question is: I know they are fighting and disagree about the urn, but I want to invite my stepdad because he did take us in and take care of us. Any ideas to make sure they don't all fight or argue at the wedding?

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Kristina, on June 25, 2015 at 9:19 PM

VIP August 2015
Sassy Cincy Bride · on June 25, 2015 at 11:01 AM
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You cannot control how others act. You can only imvite them both and hope they can be in the same room without fighting foe you om your special day.
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Master December 2015
OriginalKD · on June 25, 2015 at 11:04 AM
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^^agreed. Maybe speak to your brother to keep gf away from your stepdad?
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Master April 2015
Lucy · on June 25, 2015 at 11:05 AM
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You can't keep them from arguing. Seat them at opposite sides of the room.
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Master July 2015
annakay511 · on June 25, 2015 at 11:08 AM
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First, you should change your avatar to something other than the standard rings- you will get more responses. The rings are associated with trolls and spam

Secondly, I think you should absolutely invite your step-father. It sounds like he did the best he could in a very difficult situation. You can speak privately to him and your brother to make sure they know you expect them to be on their very best behavior. Also, take care to seat them away from each other at the reception.
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VIP May 2016
Cat On a Hot Tin Roof · on June 25, 2015 at 11:15 AM
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Your wedding is also over a year away. A lot can change before then. No need to worry about it now. If anyone brings up who is being invited or not invited, to try to drag you into their drama, just inform them that your guest list is not yet finalized.
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Master August 2015
Jeanne · on June 25, 2015 at 11:16 AM
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I have an aunt who has spent the last 3 years suing her 8 other siblings (including my dad) over something ridiculous. She recently lost and she and her siblings are all very bitter about the situation. However, they are all invited with the understanding that they will all behave like adults. If he's important to you, let your brother know that and seat them away from each other. Good luck!
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VIP October 2016
ALH · on June 25, 2015 at 11:28 AM
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^^ to Sharon&Brad: They have been fighting/ not talking for the past three years so I highly doubt anything is going to change between now and then. However, we have a very serious guest cap of 50 for our venue and since I am in school, I am planning this wedding during the summer when I am not so busy... so these are things I have to be thinking about right now, while I still have time. And thanks for the advice, everyone, I'm working on changing my avatar now.
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Master September 2014
Snarky · on June 25, 2015 at 11:31 AM
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How about "If you love me you won't ruin my wedding?"
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Master April 2014
Nonna T · on June 25, 2015 at 11:43 AM
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They are fighting over an urn?
Talk to your stepdad about giving you and your brother each some ashes and you can purchase containers, scatter them or do what you like. I did this with my late husband's ashes and everyone was pleased.
Live is too short (and too long) for this boola sheet. Hope it all works out for all of you
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Savvy April 2016
Abbie · on June 25, 2015 at 9:02 PM
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I made it very clear to the fighting family members that if they tried anything, I would kick them out immediately. My wedding is not a place for their BS.
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Master September 2016
Kristina · on June 25, 2015 at 9:19 PM
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My parents have been divorced for years but my mom still holds a grudge against my dad and she is remarried. I plan on talking to them both and telling them I dont want any issues since this is a very special day for me. I am also planning to sit them far away.
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