Cherie
Just Said Yes August 2021

Inviting fellow staff members?

Cherie, on January 5, 2021 at 9:44 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
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My fiancé and I work at a k-12 private school. Between us, we have quite a few staff members that we are close to and would like to personally invite. However, there are a good number of staff members that we have little or no connection with. How do we invite staff personally but not offend those we feel no connection with if almost all staff are making the invite list? One suggestion was a combination of personal mailed invites and a bulletin board invite (please fill out the RSVP card if you would like to attend and slip it in my box)

16 Comments

Latest activity by Jessica, on January 7, 2021 at 12:01 AM
  • Jasmine E.
    Rockstar May 2022
    Jasmine E. ·
    • Flag
    I think a bulletin board is too public. I'm a teacher too, and I'm close with my team, but our guest list is already bigger than I want so I'm not thinking about inviting coworkers at the moment. If you really want to, I would suggest limiting it to your respective grades or teams... unless you want literally everyone showing up. People love free food and drinks, LOL.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    I would honestly do private invitations as you would to any guest. Definitely not something public as it openly states who is not invited. I mean with weddings you are going to offend some people no matter what so at the end of the day those not invited should know that you are not close to them.

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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    Hmmm I'm not a fan of inviting some co-workers and not others unless you were friends with them b4 you started working together.
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  • Raelynn
    Dedicated October 2021
    Raelynn ·
    • Flag
    I kind of ran into this issue. At the end of the day I thought about who would actually come/want to be there and who I was genuinely close with and while I still worry about some being offended about not being invited while others are, it’s not going to significantly impact my wedding or my participation in the group.
    I do think if you’re going to do a bulletin board post, you might end up with more guests than you want. My parents are actually both teachers and we’re super close with a lot of their colleagues and moderately close with others so I have a feeling if my wedding invitation ended up in the break room billeting board we’d get an extra hundred guests we didn’t plan for lol
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  • M
    Savvy May 2020
    Meredith ·
    • Flag
    I only invited coworkers that I hung out with regularly outside of work. I also work in a school. Otherwise, it would have been way too much!
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    I work in a rehab center, 17 OT, PT, SLP, brace and orthotics maker, PT for pools. Very like a school, all independent much of the tome, but next to a school, some see schood kids, others mostly stroke patients, others general community. But though a summertime cookout or holiday party may include all, most weddings and dinner parties, or groups going to a meal and a show, staff only invite the people they socialize with as friends regularly, in each other's homes or regilarly going out. So no one leaves out just one person. But newer staff likely only invite 3-4 , and older staff maybe 9-10. Plus SO. Always invited privately, a written invitation, or by phone. But never posted in the workplace. That was true when I worked in hospitals, and on Army bases too. And it is true in most larger groups. Most places this is the rule. People know whether or not the usually socialize outside their work or club, though there are a few grumblers, who unrealistically think they ought to be invited everywhere. If work is your only group, maybe inviting everyone and SO is possible. But inviting only those you see outside work, outside quilting group, outside book club, outside Hubby's ball team and choir, might be 6-20 people, and SO, where All of each group could be 60 or more. And SO. Inviting everyone rules really don't work, for most.
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this!
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    I’m getting my co workers personal addresses and mailing them home.
    I’m counting on them being reasonable adults and not rubbing it in people’s faces.
    But...I work in a fairly male dominated field and am close with the women I work with (all four!) and am inviting them. I highly doubt the men I work with would care to be invited.
    • Reply
  • SHY
    Master January 2022
    SHY ·
    • Flag

    I would personally send private invitations to those that I and my spouse spend time with outside of work the most. A bulletin board announcement opens up the invitation to everyone that will see that board, so to make sure you don't have a bunch of unwanted guests, do private invites!

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    Invite them personally, no public invites.


    I also think it’s important to consider how many you’re inviting and how many you’re not. For example if there’s 50 staff and you’re inviting 30 but not 20 that’s okay, but if you’re inviting 45 and not 5, I’d maybe invite everyone just not to exclude anyone and have them feel bad if it’s a big thing that everyone is going. They may well chose not to come anyway if they don’t feel close to you.
    If it’s on a bulletin board anywhere, you’re automatically inviting everyone. I also caution against this bc the most important people may not see it, and it will be very hard to get fully committed rsvps. Asking everyone you want to invite for the addresses is a pain, but it’s worthwhile to include only the people that you want and ensure you can easily get an accurate guest count.
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    ** also want to specify, in this case I would definitely mail invites to homes, not leave them in teacher boxes— if it’s in a teacher box it may be opened in front of someone who wasn’t invited . A little guestlist privacy is good where not everyone makes the cut.
    • Reply
  • RaylaSan
    Expert February 2021
    RaylaSan ·
    • Flag

    A word of advice, would be to only invite coworkers that you actually hang out with outside of work. That way it would be fair game.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle Online ·
    • Flag
    Hand deliver the invites privately or mail them. Do not make it a public announcement unless you want everyone to attend.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    If there are a lot of coworkers then it's fine to just invite the select ones you are close to so if for instance there's 50 coworkers but you only work closely with 10 then it's ok to invite only that 10. but if for instance there are only 8 coworkers and you only want to invite 6 then you may as well just invite all 8.

    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    No public invites. That's just dangerous. You're opening it up to anyone.


    I'd privately invite the ones you really want there
    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Savvy November 2021
    Jessica ·
    • Flag
    My department has 100+ people and I might invite 8-10 who I’ve actually seen and talked wi outside of work and would live to celebrate with. If you’re leaving out just a few people that might be kinda sad but like PP have said if there’s a big margin then inviting your own work friends is fine especially since you and your fiancée both know them !
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