Inviting estranged family members?

I was in the same situation and invited my aunts and uncles but not all my cousins. I'd find it strange if I got an invitation from a cousin I barely know, but as an aunt myself I had a hard time imaging my niece or nephew not inviting me to their wedding even if I didn't speak to them regularly. Do what you're comfortable with.

I think it depends on what you want to do. I only invited aunts uncles and cousins that I have a relationship with. My mom is one of 10 and my mom only has a relationship with like half and I have a relationship with way less than that. I was/am prepared for any fallout but really if they are not in my life at all what fallout will there be? I only had one cousin that has said anything but in the time between our engagement and now he got married and had a kid and I didn't get an invite or wedding announcement or any baby shower invites so I'm not worried.

Do not invite anyone you cannot afford to host assuming they will decline. If they accept, you will have to accommodate them.

That's the thing. We did over estimate (100) when we booked. Ideally I want the guest count around 85-90. Our list at the moment is 105 including us and those family members I'm unsure of inviting. If I cut them that's 8 or so people closer. I know people say not everyone on your list will attend, we are the exception and I know we will make the minimum if anything Wichita is 75 and that would be even better, not necessarily for money sake bit because I always imagined a smaller wedding. Originally we wanted 60 but then FMIL gave me her list and it was 45, that was only her family and her friend :/

Exactly. Our venue is a bit more pricey $165pp and I really can't see spending that on them let alone sending them an invite that cost me $4 or so to make lol and I'm not a cheap person.

I wouldn't. This isn't a family reunion; it's a time to be surrounded by people you really know and love. And want to spend 200 bucks on, not to be pragmatic but seriously.

Is your mom paying for these guest?

We have the situation with my mom's family. I'm only inviting the 2 aunts and 6 cousins that have always been in my life and see/speak to regularly.

I was not included to their life events, why are they coming over now at my expense?

If you don't even know if you'd recognize them I think you don't need to invite them. It sounds like your mother wants a family reunion but your wedding is not the place for that to happen. If she cares that much, she can have a reunion at a later date.

My mother is also 1 of 6 but the difference in my case is that only 1 aunt doesn't spend time with our family. I would not have even entertained the idea of inviting her as this aunt lies about everyone in our family and causes drama anytime she is at a family function. I feel like if my mother or any of her siblings want to reach out to her they can do that on their own time, my wedding wasn't the place to do it.

@CeliaMilton I agree that's why our list is so small in the first place. My FFIL is a retired detective and when my FH's brother got married 6 years ago he invited his whole office it was like 30 people. Their wedding was huge and had loads of unnecessary people. I remember asking my FSIL if she got around to everyone and she didn't get a chance to also she said it was super awkward to say hi nice to meet you at her wedding. When we got engaged I said to my FH that wasn't happening, he looked at me and said Duh!

We have a similar situation. My Mom has a lot of family that she doesn't see/talk to. Her younger brother for instance (youngest sibling), who will certainly by no means be given an invite. I doubt he even knows I'm engaged, him and my family have mutually cut each other from our lives. There's another family member who I didn't really want to invite, but that one my Mom insisted on and since she's helping pay for the wedding there are some family members on her side that even though I don't care for in the least I'm sending them invites per her request. ETA: There was also an uncle and aunt of her's that she was going to invite along with some cousins, but she has since changed her mind.

Also there is my uncle on my dad's side who I've literally never met. For years we didn't even know if he knew I existed! We found out later he knew about me by the time I was 14! He is my dad's oldest brother age difference of 11 years so my dad was basically an only child. He is on the list at this point but that ine feels the weirdest! I may as well invite my neighbor who I do the awkward wave to, at least I've laid eyes on him!

I'm going to address with her today but I may be in the same situation as you @Nicole R.

Yeah, I def wouldn't invite them. I didn't want to invite anyone that I wasn't close with. This is my wedding, if you aren't in my life and don't even know my spouse, then why would I want you there eating up food and pretending to care? Nope.

This is why I'm keeping my invites to immediate family and to two cousins and their parents because pretty much the rest of the family I see once every 3 years or longer and don't talk to. I know alot of them would come for the free food, I'm sorry, but you're right, it's like inviting a pizza delivery man or something.

Those people she wants to invite and you're stressing over? They'll be the first ones out of the ceremony on their cellphones . I see it every week. They don't want to be there, you don't want them there, and it's far too important a day for that shit.

I have some pretty cool coworkers I will invite before any of these "relatives".

FIL/MIL asked us to invite relatives like that. They did offer to pay for them, and it seemed really important for them, so we agreed. They stayed the whole ceremony and reception, but never talked to me. I was with my friends and family the whole time so I didn't notice all the time, but when I walked past them to go to the bathroom or snack bar, they never acknowledged me, which did feel a bit weird.

I think it's a matter of (1) how comfortable you are with having almost-strangers there, and (2) whether you can afford it.

I have several estranged family members who I will not be inviting, one of whom is my biological father. Weddings are for celebrating love, family, and the joining of two lives. I don't want to make awkward small talk with people neither FH nor I are close to.

Update: spoke with my mom and she was understanding minus my dad's uncle I explained above. I guess my dad and him have been in touch lately. I did tell her I need to meet him before the wedding but I still feel super weird about.

It's always really complicated to work in our parents' wishes. I commend you on trying to make it work instead of just saying flat out no. It means a lot to my Mom that I invite the family members she has asked me to, despite my extreme bitterness that I feel towards them, so I can understand your position.

Good luck! Glad your Mom understands for the most part.