Erin
Dedicated November 2022

Inviting co-workers/bosses?

Erin, on August 12, 2021 at 12:02 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
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My FH and I work for the same company so everyone at our job knows us, our relationship, and that we are getting married next year. We keep to our personal/professional boundaries and do not hang out with anyone from the company outside of work. We maintain cordial relationships with our coworkers/bosses.

My parents are insisting that it is a major "faux pas" to not invite our bosses to our wedding. We will be inviting people who we did become close with at this job but were let go by these people due to COVID downsizing. I would rather avoid any awkward situation all together and just not invite anyone from work.

I'm wondering if I should invite them and be professionally polite or will it be rude to our guests who were let go by them?

15 Comments

Latest activity by Candace, on August 14, 2021 at 7:07 PM
  • Samantha
    Devoted May 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    Oo yikes, that's a tough one. I would say it depends how your relationship is with your boss. Do you discuss details of wedding planning or any outside-of-work stuff with them? If not, I would think they would be grateful to not have to go lol.

    • Reply
  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
    • Flag

    I'm not inviting my bosses or anything. I'm not trying to have my whole office there when I don't like a majority of them. I'm only inviting one person who I have hung out with outside of work and that's it. Don't feel obligated to invite people, its not a faux pas to leave them off the guest list

    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag

    Its not rude at all, if you don't have a personal relationship with them outside of work then you don't have to invite them if you don't want - you aren't obligated to.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    The only way to invite bosses/coworkers is if you socialize with them outside of work, and don’t play favorites.
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    Neither of us invited our bosses (and we’re actually all pretty friendly with our bosses and socialize/drink together outside of work). Just wasn’t a line we were interested in crossing. Nor a faux pas.
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie Online ·
    • Flag

    I strongly disagree with your parents. That may have been a custom in some places/work cultures in the past, but it doesn't make sense for how the business world works today. And I definitely agree with everyone who says to only invite coworkers with whom you hang out outside of work.

    People change jobs much more frequently now than, say, 30 years ago, which is why it isn’t reasonable for bosses or colleagues to assume they will be invited. There will be no hard feelings for the lack of invitations.

    • Reply
  • Jessi
    Expert October 2022
    Jessi Online ·
    • Flag

    None of my current coworkers are invited. I was first worried that I should invite my department because everyone seems to believe they're being invited, but my company is small and family owned so there wasn't a clear cut way to divide anyone up. There's only one of FH's coworkers invited and that's because they were friends before & that person got FH his job. We both have people who were past coworkers that will be because we're still friends with them.

    I would say just don't invite anyone from work. It makes everything easier and if people want to be offended they will be no matter what.

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  • Erin
    Dedicated November 2022
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    That's what I thought! That my boss would be grateful to not have to go! I do know that my boss has pretty severe social anxiety and would most likely not attend so I would be inviting them just to be polite. So my parents think if I am so certain they won't come to the wedding then I should just invite them and be polite. But if I'm so certain they will decline... why invite them? Smiley xd It's a vicious circle with my parents haha!

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  • Jasmine E.
    Rockstar May 2022
    Jasmine E. ·
    • Flag
    Unless you're good friends with them outside of work, there's no need. Back when your parents got married, it may have been custom to invite them, but weddings are smaller now and work people often don't make the cut. It's not a faux pas and you shouldn't feel bad. I work in a large organization and don't see my boss much, so it would definitely be weird to invite her. My FH has a decent relationship with his boss so he might invite him and his wife on the"B list" if other people decline.
    • Reply
  • Corinne
    Beginner November 2021
    Corinne ·
    • Flag
    Definitely don’t need to invite them! I’m very friendly with my direct supervisor and close with a couple other coworkers, but we decided not to invite any current coworkers. I felt a little bad about it at first because I’ve heard coworkers talk about attending other colleague’s weddings in the past, but I just don’t have the space (or budget) to invite the whole team and wouldn’t want some people to feel left out if they didn’t make the cut.
    • Reply
  • Chloe
    Dedicated February 2022
    Chloe ·
    • Flag
    It depends on the industry you work in. If you're in law, accounting, banking or anything similar, then not inviting your bosses and coworkers could be seen as major faux-pas, since networking is everything and these things are expected. I'm even inviting my two biggest clients and their wives, since I've known them for years, and I speak with them more often than with most of my family... And my FH is inviting his old mentor from his first firm, they don't speak that often anymore, but he wants to show that he still respects and remembers him
    Otherwise, only invite your coworkers if you have a relationship outside of the office. But then do not share your wedding details at work.
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Dedicated November 2022
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    This actually helps explain why my parents think I should invite them! My dad works in law and my mother in accounting! My FH and I work in food and agriculture so it’s a little bit of a different professional culture there, I think. Thank you!
    • Reply
  • Alyssa
    Dedicated July 2021
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag
    My husband and I also work together and had this same dilemma! We ended up going with our gut and not inviting anyone from work. It was the best decision ever! It also sort of helped that we downsized our wedding due to covid, so our coworkers didn’t expect it anyway. Plus, if you invite one person, you’d likely have to invite more people from the same group. So it was just easier to not invite anyone from work. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Ashlee
    Expert September 2022
    Ashlee ·
    • Flag

    I'm pretty friendly with everyone I work at (I work at a small medical office with less than 20 people) but I'm choosing to not invite anyone because I feel like I'd either have to invite everyone or no one, not picking favorites so it's easier (and cheaper) to not invite anyone.

    • Reply
  • Candace
    Devoted March 2022
    Candace ·
    • Flag
    As a boss, I would not be offended at all if my staff didn't invite me to their wedding. In fact, in the last few years, there were two weddings among my employees and I was not invited. I didn't expect to be! Weddings are expensive, for one, and I know guest spots are coveted lol. And being a guest at someone's wedding is a step you take if you're invested in their personal lives. I was super happy for them and enjoyed hearing about their special day. But certainly didn't think anything of it.
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