Hi girls ! I’m in desperate need of some help! My partner and I are planning our wedding and are discussing who we are inviting. We have a really close friend in our friend group who we will be inviting, however, his girlfriend is a bit of a handful. Her and I used to be close but then had a go at me and essentially did not want to be friends, which I was fine with due to her having a go at me every week. She still makes smart remarks here and there even though we clashed in November last year. Now that the back story is out of the way, I do not want to invite her at all as it will just make me uncomfortable on my partner and I’s wedding day. I guess I’m just wanting some advice on how I can handle this?
Ordinarily you invite both halves of a couple. But in a situation where one party has had an open fight, or threats, with either member of the couple, you have no obligation to do so. But one of you needs to talk to the close friend and tell him. Ask if he would still like to come, with the understanding the girlfriend may not attend.
I’m going to go opposite of normal etiquette and say that you shouldn’t invite anyone that makes you uncomfortable/will cause drama. She shouldn’t expect an invite just because she’s dating a close friend of yours when she’s been nasty to you (but I know this is probably an unpopular opinion)
If she is a dangerous person, don’t invite her. If she’s not, and you just find her annoying, you have to invite her. If you don’t, you most likely will ruin the relationship with your close friend over it.
I've struggled with similar issues! I don't believe couples are an immediate packaged duo - but it's all relative. If you know this girl and they've been dating for a while, I think it would cause more drama by not inviting her. You won't even give her a though on your wedding day. Unless you really just don't care for this person, I would say you don't have to invite anyone. It all depends on the backstory I think!
But, I do not think all guests with a 'girlfriend' have to get a plus one. My fiancé and I said that we would not be meeting anyone at our wedding. We had to downsize, so we are being selective. Everyone in our wedding party gets their plus one, all married couples, and couples we know/are coming from out of town. I don't think for a second that you have to allow someone's Tinder date that they've been seeing for 2 months come to your wedding.
Couples are a package deal when it comes to invites, so unless she's physically harmed you or your partner, and/or she's dangerous to be around, she should still get an invite. I highly doubt you'll be around her all day long, so I would just invite her and avoid her as much as possible.
The problem with not inviting her, is that you run the risk of hurting your friendship with her bf. You have to step back and think about whether that's worth it or not.
If you are inviting your close friend, you can't really tell him who is plus one is allowed to be. If he chooses to bring his girlfriend, then she will be there. Hopefully she will be an adult that day and not cause a scene.
I'm also going to go against the grain on this one. I'm usually 100% for the couples are a package deal, no exception. But if this person has gone out of their way to be nasty to you, I think that's a valid reason to not invite them.
However, I would recommend talking to the friend about it before sending the invite. No one likes a blindside, and I wouldn't want to invite someone to my wedding that I'm going to just be waiting for the shoe to drop with them all day. There's enough stress on your wedding day, you don't need to add to it.
I agree with those who said that you are under no obligation to invite a guest who has directed threats, offensive comments, or other acts of aggression and hostility towards you, even if they are the SO of another invited person. If this was just a girlfriend you found annoying or who you just didn't jive with, I'd say you'd need to include her, but in this case, I think it is totally fine to let the guy know you'd like him to be at your wedding but his girlfriend is not invited because of her history of nastiness towards you, and then leave it up to him to decide whether to attend or not. It does have the potential of causing a rift between the guy and you and your partner, but it sounds like this girl is just a rotten person and no one needs that. Either the guy will realize his girlfriends behavior is completely inappropriate and do something about it, or he'll choose to side with her and not come. Regardless it's the girlfriend's nasty behavior that is causing the problem, not you holding her accountable for it.
If you dont invite her you should be prepared for your friend not to attend either, and depending on how serious their relationship is/becomes, be prepared it may end your relationship with him. If you value your relationship with him, just invite her.
Id talk with the close friend about your concerns and how you would rather not have her at the wedding. Then go from there. You may have to decide on either not having this close friend at the wedding at all or have to like someone said suck it up and invite her. But definitely talk it over with the friend, they obviously or i should say at least know the situation between the two of you and be understanding of it.
If the relationship is serious, when it comes to couples, you should invite them both or invite neither of them. Your friend may not take it kindly when you explain why you are not inviting his girlfriend.
I get it it is your wedding, but this is a minefield.