Inviting a separated couple

Well the good news is that you still have about a month before you have to send invites out. Can you hold off until then?

Can you just ask him what he prefers and go from there?

ETA: If I was in the middle of a divorce, I wouldn't expect to be invited to family events for my ex-in-laws.

I would just send the invite to FH's brother. If they reconcile before the wedding, let the brother know his wife is, of course, welcome.

If they're going forward with the divorce and you have knowledge of this, I think his brother would find it upsetting to receive an invitation addressed to both of them. I agree with waiting to address his invite until you're closer to mailing them and possibly reaching out to ask how he's doing and verify that they're still moving forward with the divorce. Depending on what he says at that point, it might be completely appropriate to let him know he's welcome to bring a friend. Then he has an open ended plus one and he really can bring a buddy if he wants or he can bring his wife if, against all odds, they reconcile.

Well, FBIL stated pretty clearly not to communicate while lawyers are involved, So there is that.

Just invite him, if they get back together Great! If not, you're inviting the ex wife who has every right to show up just because she was invited.

Thank you ladies, that was really helpful! I am going to go with Bookcasehat because the longer I wait to send them out, the harder it has been getting to decide. This way, we can make it personal and show some empathy/be there for him if he wants to ask questions or talk about it.

I appreciate everyones advice!

I would take her name off for now. I like the PPs advice, if they reconcile (with lawyers that doesnt sound likely) you make sure shes welcome if need be later. .

I would be upset if her name was on it and we were splitting.

Coming from a divorce where lawyers were (and still very much are 8 years later) involved, I would make sure she is NOT on the invite as for some reason, if she takes a page from my exs book, would find a reason to be a douche about it just because.

My advice is to leave her off.

Definitely just invite the brother. Let him bring whomever he wants, including the wife on the off chance that they reconcile before then.

I agree with Bookcase as well!