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Beginner December 2021

Inviting 1 friend to intimate family wedding ?!

Walter, on December 21, 2020 at 3:25 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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Help! My fiancé and I are having such a hard time with our list. We NEED an intimate wedding bc we just have way too many friends.

I have a group chat of about 10 girls that we are all very very close! I’m closer to one of them more than I am to the rest , let’s call her Sandy, but overall we all are always at each other’s birthdays and big event, 2 of them are married and I just can not fill 12 people on my side with just my friends , I can’t! Then I can’t invite my immediate family !
I’m torn bc I have a best friend that I’ve known for over 15 years , let’s call her Jessica, that I asked to be my bridesmaids before I scaled down the wedding & I want her to be there but she’s not immediate family ...
Is this bad? If I invite Jessica and not Sandy? I feel like Sandy comes with the package of my 10 other friends even though I KNOW sandy doesn’t see herself as a package with the other 10 bc she’s already expressed how she will feel offended if she’s not invited but it’s like I really only want family there and I consider Jessica FAMILY
Would it be rude though to invite Jessica and not Sandy?

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Latest activity by Judith, on December 21, 2020 at 7:38 PM

Master January 2022
SLY · on December 21, 2020 at 3:40 PM
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If you're wanting a very intimate wedding, then I would skip having friends there all together if all of them know one another, and you're equally close to them all. I will say that I don't think there's anything wrong with having Jessica there and not Sandy, but this is purely because Jessica is part of the wedding party, and Sandy is not.
The last part of your OP has me a little confused. "I feel like Sandy comes with the package of my 10 other friends even though I KNOW sandy doesn’t see herself as a package with the other 10 bc she’s already expressed how she will feel offended if she’s not invited"
The part in bold has be confused. Does Sandy not see herself as a package deal with the girls bc she HAS said she'd be offended if she isn't invited....or is it that she HAS NOT said that she wouldn't be offended?
Either way, if it were me, I would skip inviting Sandy or any of the girls in the group message to avoid hurt feelings. If you only invited Sandy, the other girls would more than likely feel slighted since you said you all are equally close!
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on December 21, 2020 at 3:50 PM
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Invite whomever you want there. For many people, their friends *are* family while they are not close to relatives at all.

You can always have a get together later with the chat group.
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Beginner December 2021
Walter · on December 21, 2020 at 4:20 PM
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Sorry for the confusion, Jessica and Sandy don’t know each other like that. Jessica is my college friend and I met Sandy during a program I did with the other girls.

even though I met Sandy at the same time as the other girls I am closer to sandy but still met them all at the same time and I know that Sandy sees herself as more important than the other girls bc she already expressed feeling offended if she’s not the chosen person to be invited out of the group of girls if I were to have an intimate wedding
Your advice is valid and I think the fact that Jessica is actually my bridesmaid weather I choose to have a big or small wedding should mean that no one can be offended .. I hope I don’t loose friends over this
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Beginner December 2021
Walter · on December 21, 2020 at 4:21 PM
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This is true! I hope they will understand and not be offended I would hate to loose them as friends
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Master May 2020
Kari · on December 21, 2020 at 4:40 PM
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I would say its rude for Sandy to expect to be invited before a childhood best friend, Jessica. If you consider Jessica like family and really want her there, you should invite her.
If Sandy has a problem with it, she's being a bit of a brat. You've known Jessica longer and its your wedding.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on December 21, 2020 at 5:01 PM
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If they do, then they weren't real friends to begin with
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on December 21, 2020 at 5:57 PM
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I recommend you Invite whoever you want present.
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Master 0000
Judith · on December 21, 2020 at 6:56 PM
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Because of legal things, most states still require two people not related by blood or marriage etc, yo witness any wedding. Whether or not your does, most people assume 2 not family is fine. Even those who elope traditionally, leave the area, no family, still are granted 2 friends.
I think you are worrying needlessly.
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Master January 2022
SLY · on December 21, 2020 at 7:24 PM
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That clears things up, thank you! I hope it all works out. If this becomes friendship ending, I think it speaks a lot about the characters of your friends. It’s important for friends to understand one another and be respectful of decisions.
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Master 0000
Judith · on December 21, 2020 at 7:38 PM
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This. As someone you know through a chat group, if she had progressed to be someone you regularly invite to ypur home, or out for dinners and activities, AND she entertained you in her home or on ited you to meet for dinner, etc, and no one else in the group did, that might give her reason to wonder if she might stil be the one mon family person . But that might put her on equal footing, it still does not mean she is entitled to it
That is very presumptuous amd controlling. And inappropriate from her.
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