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Rylie
Savvy May 2022

Invites

Rylie, on August 11, 2021 at 6:48 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9
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I need some help guys. I have ultimately decided that I would not invite one of my aunts to my wedding because as a grown adult I have come to the conclusion that I do not wish to associate with her. Everyone else in my family is hurt that this particular aunt is not invited and is making me feel guilty and out to be the bad guy. They say she has and would do so much for me, but yet her behavior, her actions and overall morals since I was a kid is something I do not or would not associate with. Everyone has forgotten that I am an adult and this is my wedding, not so sound like a Bridezilla, but I am allowed to make my own decisions when it comes to my family and its future. My Fiancé has aunt who is similar to my aunt. Everyone is wondering why she is invited and not my own aunt. I have been upfront and open about not being controlling about who my Fiancé can and cannot invite. At this point my grandparents on my moms side will come to the ceremony but the reception and it hurts. And they say they are hurt by my decision.



Am I the bad guy? Are my feelings valid? What should I do? I don't want to be guilt tripped into inviting someone I swore I would never invite to my wedding or allow near my children, but idk what to do?

9 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on August 12, 2021 at 11:49 AM
  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Your feelings are valid and you should not be punished or bullied because they don’t agree with you. You are not the bad guy, they are.


    If you choose to go no contact with her and not include her on the guest list, that is your choice. You as the host decide who is invited and who isn’t. If your family chooses to bully you instead then they have made their choice that the aunt is more important to them than you are. Toxic people see nothing wrong with bad behavior and at some point, you have to decide what your boundaries are and stick to them, even if that means cutting out people who otherwise claim to love and support you. By taking aunt’s side and bullying you for your choice to set healthy boundaries, they don’t support you at all and you are within your rights to cut them out as well for your mental health and peace of mind. Especially when children are involved.
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  • Rylie
    Savvy May 2022
    Rylie ·
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    Thank you Michelle!
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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    Your feelings are 100% valid. My FH doesn’t want to invite his half brother for similar reasons, and his family (mom and grandparents) want me to talk my FH into inviting his half brother and I told them I will not do that because I am respecting his decision and being supportive of who he wants to invite. If they chose not to be supportive of our marriage and not come, that is on them. Not on us.
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  • J
    January 1895
    Jessa ·
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    I agree that you have the ultimate right to invite whomever you want to your wedding/reception. Your family then has the right to decide for themselves if they want to attend. I do not consider it bullying by your grandparents if they refuse to attend an event that their child was not invited to. I might do the same depending on the circumstances.

    This is a case of making your own decision and then living with the consequences. One of the consequences you have already experienced is your family being upset with you. Its okay for them to be upset , just like its okay that you don't want to give in. Everyone is an adult in this scenario and can make their own decisions.

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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    You have the right to invite and not invite whoever you want. My husband and I went through the same thing with a few of his family members but we choose our happiness ANY DAY over someone being around just because they are family. Choose your peace!

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  • Michelle
    VIP September 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Yeah that's a tough one and I have a similar situation. I did end up inviting her (rolls eyes) but only because my other aunt reached out to her nasty self lol. She was off OFF the list lol but I still love her so that's the only reason she made it back on lol. I think your feelings are very valid and if you don't want her there, don't let her come. People can be upset with you all they want but what about how it makes you feel? People always say that BS about well it's family...yeah well FAMILY shouldn't treat you this way. And yes what I took as a child I will NOT take as an adult. And shame on them for making that decision, they will just miss out on so much fun with you. I'm sorry you have to decide but like my mom always says...stick to your guns...don't invite her. Your peace at the end of the day is what truly matters!
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  • Samantha
    Super May 2022
    Samantha ·
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    I would explain to this aunt or someone close to her why she isn't going to be in your life anymore, maybe she wants to change? Family goes beyond the wedding. But if you're sure she isn't going to change, and you dont want to risk her being at your day, then yes you have to just stick to your decision, and tell the other people you hope they can put their feelings aside to respect yours on your day.

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  • Rylie
    Savvy May 2022
    Rylie ·
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    It a Rollercoaster with my aunt. She has times where she does better and is doing good and then she get into trouble again and ends up doing bad things. Throughout my childhood and early adult life I have heard and witnessed this kind of stuff and I had one point been hopeful that she would change. But after like the last last time she was doing then got into bad things again. I decided that I would not put all my hope for her into one basket. I decided to face the facts and let go. You can only hope and try so hard with people until it becomes your breaking point. And who knows in a few years she could be fully straightened out and on the right track but as for now I need to worry whats best for me and my future family.
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  • Samantha
    Super May 2022
    Samantha ·
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    I agree with that! You and your new family are all you have an obligation toward!

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