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anna
Dedicated July 2018

Invites to People who can't come

anna, on March 28, 2018 at 2:08 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 22

So here is a question I have been getting different answers on. If people have told you, after you have sent save the dates, that they can't come for whatever reason, do you still send them an invite? My parents say yes, but several etiquette boards say you don't. It seems that some people think if it is family you should send the invite. What do you guys think?

22 Comments

Latest activity by Annie, on March 28, 2018 at 3:41 PM
  • Kristie
    Beginner June 2018
    Kristie ·
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    I had a few people say no when I handed out save the dates so I didn't give them a invite. People were happy that I didn't give them one because they felt bad because they wouldn't come. They know it's your wedding and if plans change for them they can always let you know.
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  • AQuixoticBride
    VIP July 2018
    AQuixoticBride ·
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    I have only heard from a few people who said they likely can't come, but I am sending invitations anyway. I would hate for them to not get an invite if their other plans change (they said this months ago) and they are now available. I know I wouldn't ask for an invitation if my plans changed and I didn't receive an invitation.
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  • Yoomie
    VIP October 2018
    Yoomie ·
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    For the people that told me they couldn't come for sure after I sent out the STDs but before the invitations we're mailed, I didn't send them an invitation.
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  • Danielle
    Savvy September 2018
    Danielle ·
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    If family couldn't make it, I was still going to send an invite. Friend and coworkers who can't make it don't get an invite. That was my plan. Invites don't go out until July so I have some time to change my answer lol.

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  • anna
    Dedicated July 2018
    anna ·
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    Thats kind of what I was planning -- family gets invites anyway -- friends, etc. who specifically said they absolutely can't come, we won't send them.

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  • Lindsey
    VIP June 2018
    Lindsey ·
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    That's how I am doing too. lives change, maybe they will be able to go after all

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  • M
    0000
    Mim ·
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    A save be date requires a proper invitation to follow. Sometimes people will quickly say they can't make it after receiving the save the date but then the conflict resolves it's self. If someone was important enough to send a save the date, they should be important enough to still extend the invitation
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  • FutureMrsR-M
    Expert August 2020
    FutureMrsR-M ·
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    We are having a DW that will require everyone on my side to fly. We’ll probably send the STDs out a year in advance, and I know there will be some people that absolutely can’t come because of financial issues (but I still want to invite them). If someone makes it clear that they can’t come, we won’t be sending an invite.
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  • Bluey8616f
    Devoted August 2018
    Bluey8616f ·
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    I'm still sending them so if they want to keep the invite as a memento they can. Also, things can change. My coworker told me she couldn't come because she will be away on vacation but now says it may wind up being cancelled.
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  • Amandaw
    VIP April 2018
    Amandaw ·
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    I think if you gave a save the date or verbally asked them you need to send an invite since plans can change.
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  • ValleyBride
    Dedicated June 2018
    ValleyBride ·
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    We’re having a really small wedding so we only had one person so far tell us they would not be able to make it.. we still sent them an invite just incase things change and because FH is close to them. If I were having a large wedding with a lot of people and a lot told me they weren’t able to come, I don’t think I’d waste a ton of invitations on people that have made it clear they cannot attend.. however I think I would still send close family and friends that can’t make it an invite.. but distant relatives/friends, probably not. I know proper etiquette is to send an invitation to every person you sent a save the date to though.
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  • Munchkin9218
    Master September 2018
    Munchkin9218 ·
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    Yes. Everyone who received a STD needs an invite - even if they verbally told you they weren't coming. Plans and circumstances change so they could end up coming after all, but even if they can't its just kind of rude to not send it to them. So send one either way - it won't hurt anything and that way you get an official no RSVP and no surprise guests the day of,

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  • RachMariee
    Dedicated June 2019
    RachMariee ·
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    When I told a friend of mine that I wouldn’t be able to come after I had gotten her save the date, it was with the intention that she could save an invite/on postage by not needing to send me an invite!
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  • M
    Expert July 2018
    Melissa ·
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    I had a few people who said they couldn't make it but still wanted and invitation so they could send a gift.

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  • FME
    Master March 2018
    FME ·
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    Yes, I think everyone who gets a STD should get an invite no matter what the circumstance. Some things change. I had like 3 people say "Hey I got your STD we will be there! won't miss it!" and wound up RSVP'ing no, and someone who said they were going to be gone in the military and couldn't come, wound up RSVPing yes. So things change, still invite them!

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  • Future Mrs M
    Super June 2018
    Future Mrs M ·
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    We have 2 that said they won't be able to make it, however we are sending the invites so they can formally decline.. things change, too. So you never know!

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  • D
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Demitre ·
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    I don’t think you should send one, invitations are not cheap and the purpose of the save the date is to inform them you are getting married. If they let you know they won’t be able to make it, I believe that is very courteous of them, but you shouldn’t waste the invite.
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  • Mrs. Fall Bride
    Master October 2016
    Mrs. Fall Bride ·
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    Yes, because plans can sometimes change, and it's rude to tell someone you're going to invite them via save the date, and then not invite them.

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  • FutureMrsWhite
    Dedicated April 2018
    FutureMrsWhite ·
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    I sent invites anyway in case plans change. Luckily, a few people who thought they couldn't make it when the STDs when out are actually able to make it.

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  • Casey
    VIP December 2018
    Casey ·
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    I would still send them unless it's like a 100% chance they will not attend, like they're studying abroad, they'll be on their honeymoon, they're pregnant and due that week. Otherwise, plans change, and if you want them there, still send them. You can always shoot them a text like "I know you said you can't come but if anything changed there's still room for you!"

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