Invites to bachelorette party

No - you only invite people who are invited to the wedding

I don't know, I have been invited to a bachelorette party and not the wedding (when it was a really small wedding) and I loved being able to share in part of the fun. I get that etiquette might say don't do it, but if your wedding is really tiny, and you are up front about that, I don't see an issue. It's really more of a girls night out if anything. I would, however, encourage no gifts if they are likely to. Make it about celebrating your friendships and less about the wedding. imo

Technically no. But if I was very close with you, I'd want to go but then again if I was that close to you I'd wonder why I wasn't invited to the wedding so I probably wouldn't invite anyone else.

It might come off like you're important enough to come pay for a bachelorette night for me and spend your money on me but you're not important enough for me to invite you to my wedding and spend my money on you

I agree with PP. If your close friends know it's a super small wedding but they still want to celebrate in some way, I'm sure they'd be excited about a bachelorette. But just be really honest about it when inviting. Maybe say no gifts and make it a low spend event for those invited.

I've been invited to a bachelorette party that I didn't get a official wedding invitation to. However, that wedding was a destination wedding and, at the time, I couldn't afford attend and had a heart felt talk with the bride as to why I couldn't attend (she's a good friend).

No. Only people invited to the wedding, and if it's huge, not all of them either,.

My fiances best friend just got married in a similar way - immediate family only. No friends. People are free to get married with whomever they want there but I'd be lying if I said it didn't cause some seriously hurt feelings for my fiance and other friends we talked to. His brother in law threw him a bachelor party and invited a whole bunch of people who clearly weren't invited to the wedding. My fiance went because he's a good person (can't say I would have done the same) but it was like rubbing salt in the wound for him and the rest of the guys there. They had a fun time, everyone knew and understood about the wedding but it didn't mean that feelings weren't hurt and it didnt take away the reminder of this wedding that they weren't invited to and really wanted to be at...

UO, if one of my friends was having a family-only wedding, i would still want the opportunity to celebrate her wedding with her. i wouldn't mind being invited to such a bachelorette party.

its different if it is just a small wedding where some friends are invited. then it would be rude to invite friends to the bachelorette who aren't invited to the wedding.

I am having a 16 person destination wedding with no siblings on either side and only 2 of my friends. We are technically having a bachelorette party this summer (a year early), but more of less just called it a beach weekend and invited 8 people, though everyone knows the reason it's happening is because of my wedding. It was thrown out as more of a who wants some beach time with the bride. 7 friends are coming, I don't expect or want any gifts and offered to pay for my share of the hotel room but was swiftly told absolutely not. I truly just want time to spend with my friends that all live in different states and I don't get to see often. Might be unpopular, but in my friend circle it worked:

I went to a bachelorette party for a school friend and wasn't invited to her family-only, destination wedding. None of us invited from her school circle were insulted, we understood (plus we're all paying grad school loans and understand weddings are expensive). We all chipped in to pay for the bride's drinks and dinner that night but I don't think we were asked to provide gifts on top of that; don't think she did a registry either.

Oh, so now it's okay, if the couple has a small wedding, to bulk up their guest lists with uninvited wedding guests, at optional, pre-wedding parties? If you're having a small wedding, that doesn't give you a pass to embarrass yourself or insult those in your universe -- those who won't be invited to your wedding, but are invited to pay and celebrate you. Geez...

It doesn't matter who got suckered into attending and financing a BP without receiving a formal wedding invitation (and the back story means zip). The fact is that it is grossly inappropriate to invite anyone to a BP who isn't going to be invited to the wedding. Is this really so difficult to figure out? Doesn't this kind of fall under that "Everything I needed to know about life, I learned in Kindergarten?"

Think about it...a woman invited to a BP is a woman who is a close friend or a relative of the bride. Whichever the case may be, the invitee has a shared history with the bride. She'll joyfully attend the BP (and throw in her portion of your expenses, plus her own) because she's anticipating the wedding day -- an event that she'll naturally be invited to attend.

To ask a woman to attend your BP -- to celebrate YOU -- and then give her a kiss on the cheek after she's handed over her cash or credit card at the end of the night, and to not be able to say, "I'll see you at the wedding in _____ weeks/days" is just unconscionable.

Any woman who attends your bridal shower or bachelorette party is on the top of your wedding guest A list, and she's entitled to an escort card that includes her plus one. If you won't/can't do that, leave her alone and celebrate with the women who are important enough to invite to your wedding.

I can't believe this is even a question.

You only invite people who are invited to the wedding

Well, UO over here. I think since your wedding is family only that you're a special case. Your friends want to be able to celebrate with you and they won't be able to do that at the wedding. You might want to leave out the bachelorette stuff and just make it a party with your friends, but I don't think this is inappropriate considering the circumstances.

You can't really have your cake and eat it too- meaning, you can't have your small, intimate, budget-friendly wedding, but still expect those who aren't invited to go out of their way to celebrate you. I know a lot of people said they'd still want to celebrate a friend and maybe this is an UO, but if I wasn't good enough to be invited to your wedding, in not spending my time and $ celebrating that wedding.

Sos0033, I don't think it's that UO. I don't understand the people who are so happy to throw money at someone to celebrate the event they're not invited to. It just seems a little sad.

Well, I am having a small intimate wedding (family only) and was not going to have a bachelorette party. But I had MULTIPLE of my friends, that knew they were not invited to the wedding offee to throw me a bachelorette party so I had one. They still wanted to celebrate me even if not invited to the wedding. I enjoyed it and maybe it's a know your crowd thing? I clearly have an UO here, but I think you're fine to invite others if they know the situation. They can always decline.

I feel like everyone on here is all "Have the wedding you can afford! Only invite the people you can afford!" Which I totally agree with and is why I am having a super small wedding. But it seems a little shitty to then tell people they aren't allowed to do any of the other stuff just because they can't afford a big wedding, especially when their friends want to support them. Obviously I'm biased since I'm having a small wedding. I couldn't have really cared less about the bachelorette but it was something important to my friends, so they could celebrate with me. So, I feel like the OP should do what she feels is right. I do agree you don't have a small wedding and then invite 30 people to a wedding shower to get gifts. But a night out with close friends, in my opinion at least, is different.

No, only invite people who are invited to the wedding. I agree with Sos.

I don't think of my friendships as transactional relationships with a balance sheet that needs to come to zero. I give gifts to celebrate their milestones, not because I expect something in return. I just find some of the attitudes puzzling. In the end, I think OP is the only one here that can assess her friend group and figure out how they might react.

Yea....I'm sorry to say this but I think inviting people to the wedding events who aren't invited to the wedding sends a bad message... :-/ it can also come off a little tacky.