Invited to the shower but not the wedding, part 2

Just to clarify - usually wedding invitations are sent out before bridal shower invitations - were you uninvited to the wedding or was this event well before the invitations actually went out to the wedding?

View Quoted Comment No clue when they were sent out since we both never received one. I’ve been married a few times lol and always sent announcements 6 months ahead, bridal shower usually happens 3-4 months ahead of the wedding and wedding invitations 2 months prior to the wedding. We photograph weddings and this is usually how we see it done. I’ve never personally have seen wedding invite then shower invite happen in my experience.

Did you rsvp for the shower? Perhaps they were upset because they paid for your seats?

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Mmm it does strike me as bizarre how they've orchestrated everything - it seems quite backwards how they've approached things and made assumptions on your behalf.

In any case, I think you need to decide whether or not to invite these people to your daughter's bridal shower and wedding externally to what has happened. They made a serious faux pas but I wouldn't stoop to their level - show them you're better than that and do the right thing by inviting them (if you otherwise had planned to).

View Quoted Comment It was at a house. Not a venue. I didn’t rsvp. I just sent a nicely priced gift and a card. We both sent a gift over 100.00.

View Quoted Comment It’s not my daughter’s shower. I don’t have children. This is the same family which did this previously, now it’s just their other daughter that’s getting married.

View Quoted Comment Is it possible your gift wasn’t sent with a card/obvious it was from you? Perhaps she didn’t know it was from you as this happens often with bridal shower & wedding gifts. It’d be horrible to consider the thought of them inviting you just for the gifts. Did you receive a wedding invitation this time?

View Quoted Comment She did know the gift was from me, as both my mother and I received thank you cards for our shower gifts. We have yet to receive an invite to the wedding. But it seems our wedding invite is contingent on whether or not we attend the bridal shower. Because we sent a gift and that didn’t get us an invite to the last one.

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My bad! I'm so sorry, I read it as "our daughter", whoops - can you tell I haven't had a coffee yet?

I would decide this based on your relationship with this other daughter - if you have a friendship with her and want to be there for her, don't let the previous experience put you off. If however you've been invited only because of your friendship with the mother, then I would be reconsidering based on your experience the first time around.

View Quoted Comment The MOB is my cousin and my dads godchild. My dad has passed and my mom encouraged me to send nicer gifts because “dad would want that”. These family members I see maybe once or twice a year.

View Quoted Comment I suspect that they’re doing this intentionally. As someone else said, I’m accustomed to wedding invitations being sent out well before the bridal shower. Have you consulted other family members to see if they also didn’t receive invitations? It’s not unheard of for people to invite as many as they can to a shower to get as many gifts as possible and exclude people from the wedding. If other family members didn’t get invitations either, I would go just to confirm my suspicions and see if attending the bridal shower really gets you an invite to the wedding. But otherwise I wouldn’t go this time.

Wow. What? No. That was incredibly rude of them to invite you to the shower and not invite you to the wedding. Super rude.

I would decline the shower invite. Send best wishes by email or a card.

That sounds like a mess and she doesn’t understand etiquette involved. The only time that a shower guest is not invited to the wedding is when it is held by coworkers or a house of worship. Honestly, I would decline because you are an obligatory afterthought.

Yikes! What they seem to be doing is so very rude. I think if I were in your position, I would decline from here on out. I've never heard of someone's attendance at a shower determining whether or not they were invited to the wedding. If you'd like to still send a modest gift for the bride, you can, but you could also just send a congratulatory card and call it a day - I would be so very put off by the past actions / the total disregard for people's feelings.

I would definitely decline! Wedding invitations are not contingent upon whether or not somebody can attend a shower. Extremely rude on their part