Invited to Shower, Not to Wedding

It’s rude to invite guests to a pre-wedding event, especially one that is traditionally a gift giving event. I would be firm with the individual who is hosting the shower that you do not think it is appropriate to invite these people to the shower.

I would just either set your boundaries with the person hosting the shower or I would graciously decline the shower entirely. It's really rude to have people celebrate your wedding when they aren't invited to it.

You should never invite somebody to a shower who is not invited to the wedding. Doing so would be incredibly rude and come off as you just searching for gifts from people. Really tacky. You need to speak to the host of your shower and let them know that absolutely no one should be invited unless they are on the wedding guest list.

I have a similar question. The best location for my shower has a smaller capacity than I’d like. Who do I select to come to the shower? These people will all be invited to the wedding. But how do I choose but not hurt peoples feelings??

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Who is hosting the shower for you? How many guests have they told you they can manage?

View Quoted Comment Hosted at a historic tavern. Not a big place a room option is 25-30 people. Or 50 people.

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What is the budget for the person hosting? How many people did they tell you that you can invite? That's going to determine how to approach this. 50 people seems like a huge number, honestly.

It's good to invite in "circles", for instance just family only, or a certain friend group. Picking a choosing among groups can lead to hurt feelings.

It's interesting how some reactions are directed as this being rude. There is no explanation of what time of wedding you are having. For all we know you are running off with your groom and parents, destination with 12 people etc. The people hosting the event should be responsible for the communication. Old traditions are just that. People are changing the ways things are done and honesty its ok to do different things. You may want to have these conversations with your family and friends.

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It's really still rude though to hold an event asking people to bring gifts when they aren't included in the actual wedding. Granted some people may not be offended, but you do risk hurting the feelings of people that are your nearest and dearest. Not sure it's worth the risk but it would depend on your social circle.

This concept is not an "old tradition", etiquette principles are meant to avoid causing offence to the people around you. Inviting people to a shower and not to the wedding is one of those situations.

Proper etiquette is to only invite those who are invited to the wedding. The only reason you would have someone at the bridal shower and not the wedding is if the guest cannot make it to the wedding (my friend is going to be overseas when I get married so she will be at the bridal shower but not the wedding but that’s because of prior commitments).