Invited to Bachelor Party but Not Wedding

Anyone invite to these events should be invited to the wedding. Your fiance never should have included anyone on any list that wasn't invited to the wedding.

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My fiance made it VERY clear to his best man that these people were not invited to the wedding and that he was just putting all of the info in one place for convenience. The best man was supposed to reach out to my finance before reaching out to any of those alternate people.

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Even so those people never even should have been concerned a back up as it is rude to even consider inviting people to a party to celebrate your marriage, but not the actual wedding. If your fiance hadn't provided him the information then these people never would have been invited. This was a mistake on your fiance's part.

Beyond rude. He needs to either invite these guys or he will likely lose their friendship permanently.

The BM did not mess up. Your FH did.


I understand B listing people to a wedding. Weddings typically have a bigger guest count and the couple is often footing a ridiculous bill. B listing is a means to an end when the couple is faced with having to spend thousands of more dollars vs having everyone they love come to the wedding.
Here, it sounds like all the attendees were dividing the costs, perhaps paying for the groom? The five "alternates" were used in case they were needed to contribute money and festivity. That is tacky to me. You only wanted their wallets and headcount. You reap what you sow.

Wait what? He can't invite people to his bachelor party that aren't invited to the wedding! I think it's too late now and unfortunately you have no choice but to invite these people to the wedding. Unfortunately guys DO care about these things and is ruins friendships. Sorry that this probably isn't what you want to hear...

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Ok thanks for your opinion, but I personally disagree.

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That would not happen. Thanks for your opinion, but I disagree.

You asked for opinions about how guys feel about this so here’s my personal experience- H was invited to a bachelor party a few years ago for someone he thought was a good friend. It turned out they were having a destination wedding with 75 guests and we weren’t on the guest list because they didn’t think we were that close. H was incredibly hurt- to the point where it took months for him to even want to socially see this friend. He didn’t attend the bachelor party, and he’s not really friends with the groom from this situation anymore.

View Quoted Comment Totally agree with this. Sure, the best man messed up, but your FH messed up first.

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My FH more or less told his friend he could invite those guys if he wanted, but they really aren't friends of my FH and we've literally never done anything with them without the BM present. I think he was doing it more out of kindness to his friend rather than his own benefit.

I have no idea what is going on with the bachelor party and neither does my FH. He didn't want to know anything, so left it all up to his BM. My FH was the best man is his wedding, and for that bachelor party my FH planned a full weekend and calculated the cost of all the food, drinks, lodging, and activities and then each guy just paid a set fee and my FH managed all the money (similar to staying at an all-inclusive resort). So the attendees paid one fee and didn't spend a dime beyond that for the whole weekend. Anything that wasn't covered by that my FH paid the extra for. Since my FH doesn't want to know anything about the plans - we literally only know the weekend its supposed to be on and that no plane travel is involved and nothing else. This was part of the reason for the extended list - for some activities a group minimum is needed and my FH wanted to leave the options wide open for his BM for planning. He wanted to make it easier for the best man, not harder, and didn't want a bunch of back and forth with planning because he wanted to be surprised, so my FH gave him a TON of info up front. It's also possible some guys are joining in for just some activities and not the whole weekend. Also its pretty typical for people attending bachelor/bachelorette parties to cover the costs of the person being celebrated (at least where we live among our friends), so that's not out of the ordinary at all. My FH wouldn't care at all if he paid for himself, but people here just don't do that.

Alright thanks all for your opinions, put please do not comment further on this thread. I spoke with my FH and he specifically chose to include people not invited to the wedding as a way to celebrate with them. He feels that some of his "extra" friends are people who don't care much about weddings themselves but would love to have a fun guys party weekend, and he is being very open with them about wanting to include them in some way but that they aren't invited to the wedding because we are having a smaller event. He is telling all of them this, and I agree with him that these friends won't care and will just be happy for an excuse to party. I trust his judgement - much more than all of you who know nothing about me, him, or our friendships.

I also know of times where I or others have been invited to bachelorette or bachelor parties and not the wedding - often the weddings were smaller, involved travel, or were elopements or families only - and never have I or our friends been offended by not being included in the wedding itself. The people we choose to surround ourselves with aren't the type of people to take personal offense to not being included in the small wedding of people they generally only hang out with as a part of larger group gatherings.

Thanks and please consider this thread closed.

Sooo I get it and it really sucks that the best man invited these people. HOWEVER at this point I do not think there is a way out of it for you (without seeming rude) other than to just invite them to the wedding. It’s only 3 people you said, right? That shouldn’t be too big a deal. It’s super annoying but I’d just do it to avoid hurt feelings. sorry you’re dealing though

I’m sorry I just saw your last comment! 😭

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Thanks Gen! I spoke to my FH about it because I was pretty upset but he explained that he purposely invited some people we didn't invite to the wedding because he knows they'd love a guys weekend but don't care much about getting fancied up for a wedding. It's his way of being able to celebrate with more people while still keeping our wedding small. He's being totally open and transparent with them and is confident that they won't take offense to only being included in the bachelor party. The more I think about it and his/our relationship with those particular people, I think he's right. I doubt they will care and really don't think this is a friendship ruining move at all. In the event that any of these people were so offended they did want to end a friendship over it it honestly wouldn't be a huge loss because these are not the people my FH is super closed to.

It's actually four people (not three like I thought), so all of them plus their SO's would be 8 people. With a small wedding like ours (80 invited, hoping to have 60-70 attend) that's actually 10% of our guest list, so would have quite an impact on our budget and would skew the balance of our guest list between "his" guests and "my" guests by a considerable amount.

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No worries. I wish WW let people "close" or "delete" threads. I always appreciate your compassionate responses. Your's is literally the only one that didn't make me cry. I really don't appreciate all the other commenters saying "your life partner is wrong" and not being at all sensitive to the situation. Thanks so much for being kind!

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So, you want people to be kind and sensitive to you, but you don't want to be kind and sensitive to the guys invited your FH's bachelor party. Sorry people are telling you what you don't want to hear, but you're the one who asked for opinions. "You're life partner is wrong" is us being sensitive to people he put on a guest list for his bachelor party, whether you appreciate it, or not. They should be invited to the wedding.

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So you read through the entire thread but still feel you understand the relationship between my FH and his friends better than he does? He had a rationale for inviting them that perfectly makes sense given the relationships. Your opinion clearly isn't necessary here and isn't helpful.

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His has enough of a relationship with them to invite them, as alternates or otherwise, to his bachelor party. Bachelor parties are for those closest to you to celebrate your upcoming marriage. If they weren't that close, they shouldn't have even been considered as "alternates." Why in the world would you consider it acceptable to invite them to a party to celebrate a marriage that they're not invited to? Again, sorry it's not what you want to hear, but yes, that is rude and they will likely be offended.

This is your fiance's bad, not the best man. He should have never included those people if they werent included in the first place (plus inviting them just to have a body there is just rude in the first place).
They should 100% be invited to the wedding.