So I was just wondering how other people would feel about my situation as if it was your own. My mother hasn’t talked to me in 6 years until my sister got pregnant and had her son decided to talk to me for about three months. After my nephew was born she stopped talking to me again that has been 2 1/2 years since I last spoke to her. I’m honestly not sure if I want to invite her or not. I was just wondering how any of you would react in my situation. If you would be the better person and invite her to see what she would do or not.
Hi! I have a weird parental situation too. Personally, I wound up inviting my mother because I didn’t feel right asking my adult brother to keep things from her. Any other situation though, I wouldn’t have. I didn’t feel my mother had the right to be there.
Honestly I'm in nearly the same boat. My father and I are very disconnected. I've opted to invite him, but he and his current wife (my 3rd step mother) go out of their way on social media to make it look like they're doting parents and grandparents. They haven't even met their youngest grandchild. My nephew just turned 3! 🤦♀️ so it may be a little spiteful, but he's made comments about how his kids don't reach out to him and stuff like that. He will likely rsvp yes and then not show up, but he will never be able to say that I didn't try to include him. I even made a post in forums about whether or not to plan a dance with him...it's a point of stress for me.
So all this goes to say, do what you feel is right. If you invite her and she shows, it could be the start of a reconciliation. If you invite her and she doesn't come, it's her own fault. If you don't invite her, you maintain the status quo. Do what is best for you. 💜
If you don’t mind me asking what happened between you guys? A big fight/differences or you guys just don’t stay in touch? If it was just because you guys don’t stay in each other’s lives I’d invite her.
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When I was 12 I made the decision to live with my dad. She got very mad and the first thing she said to me was she was cutting my phone off which whatever I never told her I didn’t was to be around her I just told her I wanted to live with my dad. Plus I feel like a big reason she was mad I left is because my dad is disabled he was in a very bad motorcycle accident and because I was under 18 she got money for my from him being disabled... 🤷🏻♀️
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I think 100% it’s whatever is going to make you feel comfortable on your day. If having her there doesn’t cause you any extra stress then do it, but if you are going to be anxious about her attention I’d think twice on inviting her.
My SO his mother is up oppressive and his brother too, and on many occasions have gone out of their way to completely ignoring or alienate us but when we announced the engagement they wanted to forward a list of demands they had about what “ my family” was expected to pay for and we both flat out said they weren’t invited and since then I think I receive one threatening letter a week from different relations on social media telling me that I am an evil woman from corrupting him away from his family blah blah blah
His dad and step mom are amazing though they are invited
I think it’s more than inviting her to this wedding. It’s more asking yourself what kind of relationship do you want to have now and moving forward that serves you and your new nuclear family best. Key word here : YOU and nuclear family (future kids, husband) You can chose to define this easily e.g. invite her and continue to invite for key events( christenings, important birthdays , graduation). You have to begin by defining what relationship you want to have and then these other decisions like when to invite or not will come easier! There’s a lot of work on complicated daughter - maternal relationships online. I encourage you to look into this xx
I totally agree with this. You're making a decision about what kind of relationship you want to have moving forward, then leaving the ball in your mom's court. I have four sisters and one brother and one sister is not invited to the wedding. There's no hate or animosity there. We're not fighting, we just don't have a relationship and we have never had a relationship. At this point, I don't want one and neither does she. I've tried in the past and I just don't see the point anymore. So, I guess it depends on what you want to see in the future. Do you want her in your life or is she a toxic presence you'd be happier without?
Honestly, if it were me, I would save myself the heartache and not invite her. She hasn't made an effort to be in your life at all for over six years. Does she even know your fiance? Would she expect a place of honor at your ceremony even though she hasn't been a mother to you for so long?
How would you feel if you invited her and she ignored it? Or if she RSVP'd yes and then didn't show up the day of? How upsetting would it be for you to find out that your mother let you down again on your wedding day?
I hope your day is perfect with the people who love you and your fiance and support you 100%!!!
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I agree. You’re very healthy in doing this. That way you enjoy your special day without the nerves that someone ruined it! OP- make sure she doesn’t hijakck your wedding if you do invite her! It sounds like you’re an empath which is great! But be careful because sometimes toxic , imbalanced people have the capacity to hijack special moments in your life (this happened during my graduation when someone in my life who I invited out of empathy manipulated a moment when my thesis chair was giving a speech to catapult herself to also give a speech knowing it would be awkward to then stop her! She basically bullied her way to be the center of attention at MY graduation and competed with the most important people in my life(my dad and thesis chair!) . So establish FIRM rules prior and have someone babysit her if shes invited lest she makes your day a living hell as you sit back and watch! This happens to far too many brides (other people trying to hijack YOUR special day!) and I say protect you joy and your wedding! Good luck! X
I would suggest to invite her only if you wanted to, not out of obligation. A wedding usually isn’t an ideal time/place to mend any relationship and I doubt the invited guest sees it as an honor instead of a ploy for something (my guess but of course I’m not sure). No way I would want any more stress or drama on my wedding day by inviting someone I wasn’t close to or was a wild card.
Trust your gut. You can always send a wedding announcement card and photo later, with an invite to reconnect over lunch or by phone. But that way if you reach out and it doesn’t go well that bad experience isn’t at your wedding.