Invite to Jack&Jill but not the wedding?

No, that is not ok. Anyone invited to pre-wedding parties must also be invited to the wedding. It is extremely gift grabby otherwise.

ETA - I just saw your comment about purchasing a ticket to get in. I thought you meant Jack and Jill as in joint shower, not fundraiser. Those parties are incredibly tacky to begin with. Don't have one.

Sorry, I'm not sure bout this one either myself being newly engaged.

Jack and Jill parties and any other fundraising for a wedding is frowned upon in WW. If the couple cannot afford a proper wedding without charging people/guests then they shouldn't be having one until they can completely afford it. It is definitely rude to be invited to an event where you're expected to help fund for the wedding but not to be invited to the actual wedding itself. Do not go to any.

That's how I felt too, but I wasn't sure. I was going to say something to them but decided against it. ETA: I don't plan on attending any of them, I was curious what the etiquette was. Thank you ladies!

It does matter. Proper etiquette is that all guests that are invited to one wedding event needs to be invited to all wedding events. Also, purchasing a ticket is tacky and rude. Couples should only register for gifts, and the only thing that guests should pull their wallets out is for a gift, if they want to.

I never heard of Jack and Jill parties in terms of a bridal shower but I guess if people can put student loan payments on their registry anything is possible.

Oh but if you are only invited to these "parties" but not the wedding, I wouldn't go to the party. That's extremely rude to invite you to one but not the other.

J&Js are tacky af. Have they wedding you can afford without having your guests pay.

Side eyeing the crap out of you OP.

4 stars? You should know better.

No. That's not right. I don't even like the concept of Jack and Jills as fundraisers (because sometimes it just means coed shower, which isn't right either if you're not invited to the wedding....). It's screaming tacky, and even though at least someone will come in and say it's normal where they live, it's weird.

That seems wrong on so many levels.

No, it is definitely in bad form. I was once FB invited to a jack and jill (along with about 200 other FB friends) and was not invited to the wedding. I totally ignored the FB invite. They were asking people for money at the door, to bring food, and a gift. Barf.

@Pumkin Beer You must not have read my post. I was the one invited to several Jack& Jills. I was NOT invited to any of the weddings.

My weddings not until 2018 anyways.. I know not to plan my own party anything except the wedding itself.

@Katherine H. That's exactly how all the invites are, through fb! Her fiance even went as far to say if more people don't buy tickets, they won't get a keg. So the people that are going will have to also pay for their own drinks at the bar.

Yes it's a ridiculous way to raise money for a wedding and a great way to offend many people.

PP's who are side-eyeing the OP, re-read her post.

She's not having one.

She's been invited to several. Those are the people that deserve the side-eye.

Reading comprehension people!!!!

Your should feel weird.it's gift grabby and rude.

I am friends with someone on this site who probably won't share her opinion because she knows that J&Js are heavily frowned upon. She told me, in the past, that she doesn't have an issue with them because of where they live - it's a small town and there are no bars or any places to have fun without driving for a while. And so when J&Js pop up, it becomes a socialization for the town. So she herself actually likes them (she didn't have one herself, however), and has been invited to many.

I, being nowhere near that, am not a fan - but I do live in an area where we have TONS of bars and social opportunities. If I was invited to a J&J and not the wedding, I wouldn't go. I was raised in my area that everyone invited to the wedding are the only pool from which to invite for other wedding socials.

Regional differences. I never heard of J&J parties until I got on WW. From what I've learned on here, they are popular in some parts of Canada and New England. It is a fund-raiser for the couple with drinks, entertainment, and door prizes.

It is not a co-ed shower nor an engagement party. Everyone in town is invited to the J&J, but not everyone is invited to wedding or other pre-wedding parties.

You are correct that it is not of proper etiquette for someone to invite you to a pre-wedding shower and not to the wedding. I think some people see it as a way to have "everyone" be able to be involved without investing in the cost this results in at the wedding. However, it is in poor taste to do this and I think the people that choose to do this fail to recognize that weddings are not for everyone you have ever gotten along with and the couple to celebrate. It is for dear friends and family who will be a part of your life for years to come. Not acquaintances that tend to come in and out of our lives monthly/yearly