Invite Mom to the Bridal Shower, or not?

Invite her because it may cause more drama if you don't. I get what you're saying. I would seriously talk to her and let her know her words really hurt and you need her to be supportive of your wedding plans and if she cannot then she can decide of she wants to be involved at all.

I think you should sleep on it before making a big decision like that. Also maybe have a talk about boundaries and what should be said. I even had that talk with my mom and it stopped for a bit but sge went back to her old ways. So for me it was way more important to have her there then not. She may be hurtful but is it worth it to have her there?

Ouch. That was mean of your mom. I agree you don’t want stress or drama at your sweet shower! It sounds like she wouldn’t want to go (and if you don’t invite her and she complains later you can always say with her very hurtful comments you assumed she didn’t want to go).
But if you think it would help to ask her if she wants to attend, and would be happy at your shower, and she says yes then you could invite her. And if she complains you could say “I’m disappointed but that’s ok if you don’t want to go” and just don’t invite her.

Tell her if she can behave, she can come. If she’s going to cause drama, she isn’t invited.

I didn’t invite mine to my shower aha simply because it was a young crowd affair. So I don’t think they absolutely have to be there

I think if mother does not think there should be a shower, you should make it a point to see to it she is not invited . Let people know, so she does not get told about it because people just assume she wants to come. She can stay home minding her own business.

I think I would sit her down and talk to her about how her comments are hurting you. If she continues that behavior, she won’t be invited to the shower. She’s entitled to her opinions, but that doesn’t mean she always needs to express them. Hopefully you two can come to an understanding!

As someone who has also been divorced previously, I will let you know that it took several years after my divorce for my mom to get used to it. It has taken many, many conversations and family therapy to finally get past it, so it's not something that can usually magically disappear/stop all of a sudden. That said, it's worth a discussion, and you have listen while putting aside feeling defensive or insulted (oh, trust me, it's insulting). Let your Mom dump her feelings about it to you.

My Mom, personally, thought I divorced a perfectly good man (SHE didn't have to live with him) and then decided that I wasn't making wise life decisions and always tried to direct my life after that. She had to get over it.

Let your friend have your shower (am I so not wanting to have a shower for my 2nd wedding as I have too much stuff anyway), invite your Mom, let her seethe internally if necessary, move on and get married. Your Mom, at some point, will need to realize that your life is not about her, it's about you - and that you have the ability to make decisions and live your own life.

If it were me, I’d let her sit at home. You don’t need that kind of negativity at a happy occasion. And if/when she asks why, throw her words back in her face. And honestly with that kind of behavior she’d be lucky to be invited to the wedding. Toxic people serve no good purpose in our lives.