Invite disagreement

If it were me I’d discuss it with FH and really weigh the cost vs benefits. If she is dying, this may be the last chance for family to all get together etc.
i am a hospice nurse so I am very familiar with death. I’ve never heard anyone regret inviting or patching things up with someone who is dying, but I’ve heard many many regrets the other way.
it could be something the family never forgives. Is she going to ruin the wedding by being there? Do they have bad blood, or just not close? If it’s not a big deal, I’d encourage to send the invite and if she doesn’t come great! You made the family happy and took the high road. If you don’t invite her, it could eventually be a regret for fh, and cause family issues forever.

View Quoted Comment I totally agree that we should invite her for all of the reasons you said. There isn't bad blood and she's a lovely person. He is just so stubborn and no one can convince him of anything else. The family is basically saying I should invite her despite his wishes. I guess that's where I'm stuck.

View Quoted Comment I would not want to go ageanst hus wished. But if there is no bad blood and she is dying of cancer. Then I do not want to get to personal or sound bossy. But I am not sure why he dies not want her to come. I am sure you have asked why he feels this way. I am sorry I wish there was advice I could give.

I would not invite anyone to your wedding that would make your hubby upset on your wedding day. To go behind his back and side with his parents could feel like betrayal to him, especially on the very day you take a sacred vow to become partners in life. No. Don’t do it. Try asking him why or to reconsider but it’s his decision and one he may (or may not) regret. Tell his parents it upsets you too but you will respect his decision because it’s his to make.

As much as I disagree with your FH's decision, I think it's just that, his decision. It's not fair that his family is putting you in the middle. I would tell them to take it up with him and leave you out of it.

I would respect my future husband’s wishes

I would tell your FH family that this is a decision for your FH to make and they need to work with him. I agree she should be invited but I would never go against your FH's wishes or get between him and his family. I've already had this discussion with my MIL, that I won't be a go between with her and my DH. It's a good boundary to set as soon as possible. Good Luck!

So, this is going to sound harsh but I would really really question marrying a man who by the sheer nature of being stubborn won't invite his dying sister - especially since the son is attending the wedding.

I wouldn’t go against your husbands wishes. However I would explain why you think it’s a good idea to invite her. It may be the last time her son gets to see her or the families in general. If he’s still adamant about her not being there then that’s the final decision.

I'm confused. She is his sister and did not invite him to her wedding? I would say if their relationship is that pour then hold your ground, support your FH's decision, and do not invite her.

Okay reading back through the comments I understand the sympathy of her dying but I am under the belief that you should not treat someone entirely differently once they are dying. I will not be inviting nor do I speak to anyone on my biological dad's side. This would not change if any or all were dying of cancer.

Oh boy, this is a hard one! You don't want to go against FH's wishes...especially when it involves his family, buttttt she's dying. Sometimes death can change people and make them want to be closer to others and mend broken relationships, so I can totally see why you want to invite her. Maybe you could approach your FH with something like extending an invite and let her decide if she want's to come or not, that way there will be no room for y'all to have regrets and y'all would be taking the step to be the bigger person for the family. However, you did mention y'all would have to remove someone from the list? Did y'all already send out save the dates or invites? If so, it wouldn't be a good idea to rescind an invite.

Honor your FH wishes. Do not send it. You are not marrying them, nor is it your guilt if she is dying. You not killing her. For me, I'm rocking with what my FH says. PERIOD.....

View Quoted Comment 100% Agree

I totally understand why you’d want to invite her but I would respect your FHs wishes. Think of how you’d feel if the situation were reversed - what if you really did not want someone there and your FH went behind your back and invited them anyway? How would you feel about it? It’s your FHs decision and even if you don’t agree, this one should be up to him and should be respected.

I wouldn't go behind your FH's back and invite his sister. And I'm confused why, if she didn't invite him to her wedding, why does she need to be invited to yours? I'm not saying it should be tit-for-tat, but that supports the idea that they have no relationship and it makes sense that she wouldn't be invited to your wedding.

At the very least, I would just have a conversation with FH and make sure that he's absolutely positive that he doesn't want his sister there, and maybe ask him if he thinks he will regret it knowing she won't be around much longer. I personally don't think she should be invited just because she's dying, but I think it's something to bring up just to make sure he is certain, if that makes sense.

This is his family and you need to respect his wishes. You say there’s no bad blood but you don’t realky know the intricacies of their relationship. She didn’t invite you guys to her wedding so obviously the feelings are mutual. While her situation is sad it doesn’t change the reality of their relationship. I’d tell his family that I’m hurt they are trying to put me in the middle of this and that FH and I are a team.

I would support your fiance and his decision.

This is discussion-worthy - all of you as a family.

And this is an important discussion for you to have with him. Why can't he forgive her? This stubbornness and lack of conflict resolution could impact your relationship in the future too. Do you think he will regret not inviting her if she passes? I have known so many people who refused or couldn't reconcile with their family members and they always regretted it. To the point where it required lots of therapy because of the guilt over not taking the steps to try to talk before it was too late.

This is just food for thought, but having gone through cancer myself, it's transformative. It changes you and everyone around you forever, even when it's not a terminal diagnosis. I know your FH is an adult can make his own decisions but I would strongly urge him to think about it.

I wouldn’t go against his wishes but I would sit down and have a real talk about why she is not invited and that it’s upsetting you. I really can’t inderstand why he wouldn’t invite her to spend time as a family when she is in such poor health if there’s no bad blood between them, just a distant relationship. It seems to go beyond simple stubbornness. If you continue to get pressure from his family I would direct them to your FH for the reason she is not invited as it is his decision.