Invite coworkers advice

If you're inviting everyone else in the group, and she's the only one who you aren't inviting, I would invite her. If you are inviting your other coworkers significant others too, then also invite her husband. Otherwise, if you only invite a few coworkers, but not everyone, then it's fine to not invite her, but I wouldn't hand out invites at the office in that scenario.

Unfortunately couples are a package deal. She is probably aware of his behavior but may feel like it's out of her hands. If you do decide to invite them, and it sounds like it would awkward isolating her, pray that he decides to stay home or let security know to remove him as needed. How close are you to this coworker? Honestly I would just invite the ones you are closest to because costs do add up. But don't hand out invites in view of those not invited.

You know what I've learned when it comes to any kind of wedding celebration and especially when you have a limited guest list you're going to upset someone. I will say this it's better to just not invite her because there's no way to invite her and not her husband as she's going to take offense and I'm sure she probably asked why she's not allowed to bring her partner. I mean if you guys like a close family the only thing you can probably do is just say hey I can't invite everyone but I feel like this you should be allowed to invite everyone that you want and if you want everyone but her there I mean it's going to be awkward to know that he was the only one not invited. So maybe you just invite the closest people but I personally feel you should be able to invite who you want but at the end of the day your husband also doesn't want her and her husband there and there's no way to explain that to her without offending her so you probably is going to have to take the risk that she's going to be offended that she's not invited but even though it can make things awkward at the end of the day she's not a close friend of yours so you just have to professionally deal with her at work and it is what it is.

Personally I wouldn't invite her but I also wouldn't invite any coworkers.

View Quoted Comment That’s what I was thinking as well, just mail out the invites. I like her but I don’t want her husband getting drunk and being obnoxious at my wedding. I may just refrain from inviting everyone and stick to my closest coworkers to avoid issues.

View Quoted Comment I think that makes the most sense! If any of your coworkers were to ask you why they weren't invited, you could respond that due to space/COVID/budget/etc, you had to keep the guest list extremely limited, and that you couldn't invite everyone that you wanted to. People should be understanding, but you also wouldn't owe anyone an explanation. I think it's a great idea to mail the invites too.

I would just avoid the coworkers you are closest to. However, as someone else mentioned, if you are inviting all of the coworkers in a group except for this woman, I would understand how this woman would feel left out and that could create a difficult dynamic at work. In general though, I don't think you should invite people you don't enjoy to your wedding, and if you aren't close with her and her husband is obnoxious then I would not include those people on your guest list. I don't think you should invite the woman without her husband, particularly if all of our other coworkers are able to bring their partners.

If it is possible to invite the coworkers you feel closest to without leaving this woman as the sole odd person out, I would do that. You might also consider just inviting all of your coworkers in this group but not including any of their spouses, that way the "work group" is invited and they all have each other to hang out with and socialize with. That would probably be an unpopular option, but I think it's better than leaving this woman the odd one out or inviting her but not her husband when everyone else gets to be there with their spouses.

Our wedding guest list originally included four of my coworkers and their partners, and all of those coworkers are people I would consider friends as well and have spent time with outside of work.

I would invite them all including spouses. I avoid hurt feelings or someone feeling left out. Honestly you’ll be too busy at your wedding to even notice him. We had a smaller wedding (62 guests) and I didn't spend much time with most of them.

View Quoted Comment I agree with not making her feel excluded. I would hate to put anyone in that position and make them feel that way, especially since I do like her as a person but I’m not close with her and not a fan of her husband. I think I originally felt obligated to invite my team since we have good relationships. But after feedback I’m feeling like it’s really not necessary to invite everyone and only stick with the few people I’m really close with. I’m not comfortable inviting her husband and it’s a package deal, so I think I should just go with my gut on this and only invite who I want to share the day with.

View Quoted Comment

Yes, I think if there are just a few you feel close to, you should invite them and not feel obligated to invite everyone on your team. Best of luck!

(Re-read my original post and obviously meant "invite" not "avoid" in the first sentence.)

I would only invite the coworkers who you're close to, and then problem is solved! Given that your wedding is in June 2021 anyway and assuming that Covid will still be a thing, you might as well limit to the people who you really want there

My co-worker dividing line has changed as time passed, and since before my second marriage I see the wisdom of standard etiquette on this. Try never to exclude just one of a large group of people. And because couples are invited together, their spouse, fiance or other SO has to fit in too, as you invite them together or cut them together. Unless you are in the first few months of a job, invite only those you socialize with outside
of work. Do you have phone conversations, not just texts/ memos/messages? Do you invite each other to your homes, or meet with them for planned outings or meals that are not work functions? Would you at least once in a year be happy to spend $100-200 taking them out to dinner or a show, or on holiday and birthday gifts? Would they reciprocate, inviting you out or giving a major gift? Of not, they may be excellent co-workers, but they are mot close enough personal friends for a wedding invitation. And with this, you may make an exception if they are someone you really want to know better, and this is someone you intend to start doing things with and inviting them over, starting right after the wedding. ...
This coworker herself does not pass, her SO certainly doesn't. Are there others that just aren't social friends?

View Quoted Comment You make some very great points. It’s great to get other viewpoints, it helps me see things a little clearer and not feel an unnecessary sense of obligation.

Only invite the coworkers you are close with and have a relationship with outside of work.


To invite everyone at work except her is very hurtful.
You can't invite a guest without their spouse, that's the ultimate faux paux.

Agree with the others- just invite those you’re closest to & only mail them the invitations- don’t hand them out at the office.

Everyone here has great points!

Personally, I would never invite my coworkers unless they were also VERY close friends of mine. If you decide that you absolutely want to invite them, then stick to the coworkers that you hang out the most with and are closest to. Unfortunately, if you do decide to invite all of your department, excluding that one person will more than likely result in hard feelings. As for the spouse/SO, if you let the other coworkers bring a plus one, then the same goes for the one who's husband isn't so pleasant.

I hope all of the advice here helps!

Thank you all for the great insight! It really helped me eliminate my feelings of obligation to everyone. I’ll be inviting only the few that I’m closest with and their SO since we’re good friends outside of work as well.

This definitely depends on how many there are. if for example there's only 5 coworkers then it's weird to only invite 4 of them. if there's 30 then it's ok to only invite the 5 you're close to. etc.

I echo the other posters here: you can't exclude one out of an entire group. If you want to keep your workplace group dynamic positive, you need to invite this coworker and her husband.