Invitations for Parents to Send?

Are your parents or FMIL contributing any?

We didn't have a formula. We made our guest list first (which included a lot of our parents guests since we knew them too), then I reached out and asked who they wanted to invite. My mom had around 15 guests, my dad had around 6, and my FFIL had around 12 (in addition to our list). It grew our list a little, but not by a crazy amount. I think you should decide what size wedding you want and can afford, then make your guest list first! Then you can tell them how much room you have left.

What i would do is sit down with your FH and figure out your budget, the capacity of your venue, what size wedding you desire so you'll know how many people in total to invite. Then figure out who you have on your guest lists (all family, your friends, coworkers if applicable). Then you will have an idea what guest list constraints you have and what room exists for parents to invite friends. This assumes they aren't funding part of the wedding as I do think if they are paying then they need to be involved in planning the guest list. If they aren't paying then i would simply give them a number.... We had so many problems with this with my FMIL - it's been the biggest nightmare of my wedding. She invited 21 people (out of a guest list of 210). She's been mad ever since that we didn't allow her more. I honestly think 21 is way too many people that FH and I don't know to attend the wedding. My preference was like 8 (one table). However it was 21 (with 16 ultimately RSVPing yes) and despite MANY requests for more invites we kept holding firm. FH was totally with me on this which is why i say you and your FH should decide upfront what her number is 8, 20, whatever and then be firm.

View Quoted Comment We are paying for a good portion but they have financially helped and both of our moms are doing decorations and floral arrangements (both use to be florists).

You and FH can sit down and figure out a total number of additional guest that you can afford to accommodate then split that number in half so your parents can invite some and your mother in law can invite some. I think that is reasonable. However, if MIL decides she wants to invite more than the number you give her, I would make ot clear that your budget only allows the number that you gave her and that she will have to pay for thier food. My ex mother in law got happy with her list too, but she immediately gave us money to cover the cost without us having to ask. I hope you guys figure it out.

Thank you ladies!
I didn't want to seem rude or low ball the parents.

My FMIL can be intimidating but she is helping me because this is a DIY wedding.

My MIL invited a few friends and coworkers, some of them I knew and some I didn’t but I didn’t care because her only son was getting married and she helped some with furnishing our new home. It wasn’t a lot of people but it was those who she was close to. But if your FMIL is known to invite way too many people then yes I would set some kind of number for her or better yet give her an estimated count of what you’re expecting and tell her we only have maybe 8, 10, 15 extra that we can squeeze in. Nothing too small though as she has helped some with your wedding.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!
My concern started when she made a comment about my FBIL's wedding and not a lot of people where dancing. Well, most of the guests were senior citizens and had walking aids. (Again, nothing wrong with inviting seniors but personally I don't know many because my grandparents and my FH's are deceased).

Decide how many guests you want. You and FH come up with your guest list. Take whatever is leftover and divide it by two. One half for your parents and one half for his. Don't give them a number. Just go to them and say "Hey, we already have (insert parent's friends names here) on our guest list, is there anyone you want to be there that we're forgetting?" Don't just let them choose whoever they want. It's up to you guys to give them the yes or no. If they start to get carried away, just let them know that you guys are quickly reaching your limit and you also need to ask the other set of parents.

So, this just an example of what we did, it is not a legit/reliable formula. Check, check, and double check the math forwards and backwards no matter how you figure it up.

You and FH finalize YOUR guest list. Calculate costs that are constant regardless of guest count [photographer, DOC, DJ, excreta] and calculate your cost per guest [everything that will vary in cost based on how many guests you have]. Add up your expenses based on your overarching costs and the costs of accommodating yours and FH's guest list based on your budget. Make sure you dont overlook any expenses when you do this. Figure up how much of the budget is unused/and how much of that unused amount you would be willing to dedicate to extra guests vs. other things you many want [keep room for unexpected costs.]. Dividing the amount that you are willing to put towards extra guests by your cost per guests should give you an idea of how many guests you can financially offer up to parents. Also make sure you are still under your vendor restrictions. No matter how you figure it up, only offer what you know 100% that you can COMFORTABLY accommodate with your budget. Divide the number of extra guests as you see fit between parents. Personally, I wouldn't give them the actual maximum number they can invite [subtract one or two guests] in case they decide to push the number you give them.