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September 2021

Invitation wording if had a private courthouse legal marriage during Covid.

Elizabeth, on July 25, 2021 at 9:00 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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My wedding was postponed due to COVID, but for insurance reasons we were legally married at the courthouse.
We haven’t told anyone (and don’t want to), but now it’s time to make our new invitations. We would still like to call it our “wedding.” We feel that “marriage” is the legal part and “wedding” is the ceremonial part. I’m wondering what others did.

9 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on July 27, 2021 at 1:49 AM
  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I think I'm confused. Are you thinking to invite people to your wedding without them knowing you're already married?

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  • VIP August 2020
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    People were invited to celebrate our marriage instead of being invited to our wedding, but everyone knew we were already married and we didn't have any kind of ceremony this year. If you're set on keeping it a secret, just call it a wedding. No one cares about watching you sign the marriage license, so they won't notice when you don't do it.

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  • E
    September 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Yes we are.
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  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I think your guests have the right to know what they're there to witness though. Do you really want to start out your lives by deceiving everyone about this? Ethically I think it's best to be honest. I've seen soooo many stories where the guests find out after the fact and it's just never good.

    I would let people know you're married and would like to invite them to help you celebrate that. If you want you could do a vow renewal as well.

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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    People will tell you you can call it anything you want, and this is technically true. But words have meaning and a marriage describes your relationship after you get married. A wedding is the event at which you get married.

    I wouldn't get too hung up on trying to reinvent the terms for something that everyone already understands. It's also VERY common, thanks to COVID, for people to get married privately and have a celebration later. Your guests will understand and still be happy to celebrate with you, but your life will be easier if you don't try to keep secrets or reinvent the wheel.

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  • Judith
    Judith ·
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    Tell people you are legally married. In your invitations you can say that you have already had the ceremony to make it legal, but will not feel truly married until you stand up before friends and family and celebrate your wedding with everyone. . This is how half of Europe does it now that they have separated legal office form signing from church or public civil weddings. And is now common in the USA What confused people is when you have had small wedding, dressed in all your finery, and said more than is legally required speech for for vows.
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  • S
    Dedicated September 2021
    Sarah ·
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    I wouldn't be deceptive. I'd let people know that you've legally wed, but that you're having a "wedding" or marriage celebration - call it what you will. My husband and I legally wed in Dec 2020, but we're having our "to-do" wedding, we're calling it, in Sept. Don't lie, but still do you. Smiley smile Have a lovely day - whatever you decide to do.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
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    This is the new “norm” of what people are doing post-Covid. They get angry when they are told the legal wedding IS the wedding.

    OP, be honest with your guests that you got married and and call it a vow renewal. Being deceptive always backfires.

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  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Yes, I see the situation, but it's the lying to everyone that I don't think is wise. Lying by omission is setting up false pretences, and being authentic should work out fine. I just can't see a downside to telling the truth.

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