Invitation Wording Etiquette

Ms. is used for women who are divorced and/or if you’re unsure if they are married or not, or for older women. I have an unmarried aunt, but I would feel off addressing the invite as Miss. No offense to your fiancé, but I believe he’s incorrect.

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That's ok - no offense taken! I'm aware of the Miss/Ms/Mrs distinction and would absolutely follow the same thought as you. I think his thinking was that these days it shouldn't matter whether you're a Ms/Mrs, and I get that to a degree, but I can't find any articles backing this up so I'm thinking he may have been told this by someone who just held it as a personal opinion.

I guess it's also a know-your-crowd type thing, and the married women I'm inviting would probably prefer "Mr. John & Mrs. Jane Smith"

Your FH’s heart is in the right place! I don’t think that’s a thing though. In general, here’s what’s expected and considered polite:

-Mr. for any man, regardless of age or marital status
-Miss for a young, unmarried woman (I would say under 21)
-Ms. for an unmarried woman, including divorcées
-Mrs. for married women and widows
-Mx. or M. for non-binary people, unless a different preferred title is known.
-Dr. for anyone who’s achieved that title, regardless of gender or marital status

I do agree that referring to a married couple as Mr. and Mrs. (husband’s name) is passée now. I think that Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith or simply Mr. and Mrs. Smith are both perfectly acceptable.

For same-sex couples, Mr. John and Mr. Jack Smith / Mrs. Jane and Mrs. Joan Smith or Mr. and Mr. Smith / Mrs. and Mrs. Smith are both fine.

I hope this helps!

Sarah's advice above is solid, although I'd add that sometimes asking is best if you're unsure - I know plenty of married women who dislike the "Mrs." title. I wouldn't say they'd be offended, but they do prefer "Ms." Also, it's ok to skip titles and just do names!

View Quoted Comment Thanks Sarah, very helpful!

View Quoted Comment Agreed, i know for example my sister in law prefers Ms. and she kept her maiden name.

View Quoted Comment This is incorrect. Ms., like the title Mr. , is a title that does not indicate if a person is married or not. It can be used for any woman instead of Miss or Mrs. However, the best title is the one that people prefer to be addressed by. Huge numbers do object to Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast. As in, Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. But many prefer not to be Mr. and Ms., They simply want to be Mr. Hisfirst and Mrs. Her first and Hislast, if married. Or Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Rebecca Snow. Some people like to indicate they are married, with title Mrs. And some people don't want to indicate married or single, whichever they are, just as men do not indicate it. Just ask people which they prefer, if you usually only see their first names not titles in writing. You will address invitations, and give names to other hostesses for pre-wedding parties, and will send shower and wedding thank you notes, make up seating charts it place cards. Don't offend people 3 to 5 or more times with the wrong choice. If you know someone well enough to Invite them to your wedding, you know them well enough to ask anyone you are unsure about. Also, ask about other family members, and SO. Lots of people object to Miss, too. And many prefer to use Dr. for earned academic degrees, outside of their work or school . Or Honirable, or Reverend, or Judge, or other titles. Men and women.

View Quoted Comment This is not correct, in one way.
Ms. is correct for any single or married woman who chooses to use it, not just unmarred women or divorcees.
Look in any book of Style, or etiquette. Or any dictionary. Ms. as a title means that a woman is either married or single, but does not feel women need to disclose married or single in their title. Just as men do not disclose married or single status in using the term Mr.
Ms. can be married, not married, divorced, or widowed. Just as Mr. can be.

View Quoted Comment I think this is where my fiancé was coming from - that you shouldn’t need to disclose whether you are married/single, etc. But I will go by peoples preferences as you suggest

We did "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" for married couples, and for not married couples that live together we did "John Smith & Sally Jones".