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Just Said Yes September 2017

invitation reciprocity

Bella, on June 11, 2017 at 4:31 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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I'd like to get advice on the etiquette of inviting a acquaintance who invited us to her wedding a couple of months ago. I was surprised to get an invite to her wedding because, although we were close friends in middle school, we haven't been close or even socialized for 15 years. Our guest list is already at the very top of our limit, but because we were just invited to her wedding a few months ago, i'm unsure what the protocol is. Her wedding was beautiful, but much more casual; they didn't serve any food, cake or drinks (there was a cash bar), and we are serving a plated dinner, and open bar. I don't mean to sound shallow when I say that, but I'm just now sure what to do in this case. Thoughts?

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Jessica, on June 11, 2017 at 8:35 PM

Master May 2017
GymRat · on June 11, 2017 at 4:32 PM
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Weddings aren't tit for tat. There is no reason to invite her if you don't want to.
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Super July 2018
LibbyLane · on June 11, 2017 at 4:33 PM
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You don't have to invite her to your wedding just because she invited you to hers.
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Master September 2017
RaeGin · on June 11, 2017 at 4:34 PM
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It's not tit for tat. If you haven't socialized in over a decade, IMO you don't need to invite her. I think it's kind of strange that she invited you, since you are just distant acquaintances at this point.
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VIP May 2018
MrsRies&Love · on June 11, 2017 at 4:34 PM
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I definitely wouldn't invite her. It's supposed to be a celebration with your closest friends and loved ones, not people you feel obligated to invite.

This is such a struggle though - we're currently struggling with telling FMIL that no, we can't invite great great aunt's that FH hasn't seen in 20 years.
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VIP October 2017
pammat · on June 11, 2017 at 4:36 PM
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Her vision (and budget) is hers, and yours is yours.

We've gotten two invites this year from people we're not inviting to our wedding.

One we went to, one we're not.

I wouldn't feel guilty about not inviting her mainly because you haven't really socialized in forever but also because it really doesn't sound like she spent any money on her guests whatsoever. (No food? What???)
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Champion June 2018
muriel · on June 11, 2017 at 4:37 PM
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If weddings were tit for tat, the same people would be at all weddings.
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Super January 2018
D&G114 · on June 11, 2017 at 4:40 PM
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No, you don't need to invite.

Out of curiosity...If they didn't serve food, cake or drinks and made you buy drinks, what did they serve?
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Master August 2017
firstoneat56 · on June 11, 2017 at 4:42 PM
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Nope - you don't have to invite her.
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Just Said Yes September 2017
Bella · on June 11, 2017 at 4:53 PM
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Thanks everyone. I already feel that weight off my shoulders. Makes more sense hearing it from fresh perspectives.
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Master June 2017
Mrs · on June 11, 2017 at 5:45 PM
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Sounds like you don't want to invite her, so don't.
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Super November 2017
Jessica · on June 11, 2017 at 8:35 PM
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I'm literally in the exact same boat! I got invited to the wedding of a couple I went to high school with last summer. (I graduated 12 years ago, mind you) We barely hang out and I only ever talk to them when I happen to see them out somewhere. Needless to say, I'm not inviting them to my wedding but I'm pretty sure they're expecting an invite. Ohhhhh well
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