Invitation etiquette

No you aren’t wrong - it’s YOUR wedding. FH and I decided the same things - keeping it to about 100 but close family and friends

No. If she’s not paying, she has no input on the guest list.

You’re not wrong at all. Between husband and I, we have a TON of extended family but we actually see very few of them regularly. We had some family members ask why so and so wasn’t invited, but it seemed ridiculous to us to spend over $100pp for people we have no relationship with, especially since we knew inviting them to the wedding wouldn’t suddenly bring them back into our lives.

I have a very toxic family, so I'm only inviting my aunt and uncle. The rest is my immediate family (I'm one of 5 lol and the first to get married!) And some friends. Were much closer with fh side of the family so he is inviting way more people than I am. But I've had a lot of people commend me for refusing to let toxic people ruin my wedding! But that also goes for people you dont see or even know! Too many people think you need to follow etiquette with weddings and invite extended family and family of family. I dont think you need to. And if you are paying for it, then invite who you want! We brides need to start standing up for ourselves lol I'm happy I put my foot down and we have a guest list full of people we know and love and want at our wedding.

My mom did the same thing, she insisted I invite her sisters cause they were family and it was a courtesy even if they weren’t coming. I put my foot down and said no. Why would I send an invitation to someone who isn’t invited to my wedding?

Not at all. Unless she’s paying for the wedding, she gets no say in the guest list. No one on her list will be offended if she’s not invited.

Nope, you are right. To be honest, I would think it would be rude to invite family you don’t see or communicate with often—seems gift grabby. Keep putting your foot down!

Hahahhaha my mom did the same thing. I said I wanted only immediate family and she got upset. I say to put a 2 year mark on it. If you haven’t talked or seen them in two years they are not invited. This is YOUR wedding. Just say no.

You're not in the wrong here. If you're paying for your own wedding and she isn't paying for anything, she really have very little say in who attends. We're paying for our wedding mostly by ourselves and I had my grandma ask if she's able to bring guests with her. I told her no, our budget doesn't allow it, and she dropped it immediately. So far, we haven't had anyone fight us pertaining to our guest list. It is what it is. We're having the wedding we can afford with the guests we truly want there.

It’s not rude to not invite people you don’t know or do not like. There are no rules in who you must invite. It’s your day and you know more than anyone who you’re people are.

View Quoted Comment Thank you everyone for your help with this. I will stick to my guns with my mom and she will have to get over it, because in the end my FH and I are the ones footing the bill!

You are right. Most people think that unless there is a barrier of distance, or I'll health, if you have not cared enough to visit with someone in about 3 years, not just seeing each other at other people's affairs, then you do not have a strong enough bond to justify inviting them to your wedding. And a lot of people, seeing an invitation from a relative they rarely see, never exchange cards or gifts with at other times, comment on how they were probably invited so the will feel like they have to send a present, even though they know I won't come. It is not any ho or or special thing to be invited to the wedding of someone you don't bother to see otherwise. If you won't invite them over for a cookout and conversation, why invite them to a $100 per person ( or more) dinner? A wedding is supposed to be meaningful, not just a party or family reunion. After the wedding, help your Mom plan a less ela orate family occasion, to get her them together. When you will have time to talk more than 5 minutes, unlike your wedding. Invite people you do see regularly, or those you with you could. Not those she may know from her child and young adult years, but you do not know.

We're only inviting immeadiate family at least on my side I'm not close to many of them and dont feel they should be there for it

It is your wedding. Unless she is footing the bill for all of them, she should not get a say.