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Just Said Yes May 2023

Invitation etiquette - do i invite her

Rose, on January 10, 2023 at 12:32 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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Im getting married at the very end of May 2023. The save the dates went out months ago and we plan to have the invitations out by the end of this month. Someone who I used to be close with years ago, but who I don’t currently keep in touch with got engaged a few months ago. I got a text from her asking for my address out of the blue. I think it’s because she intends to invite me to her wedding (but this is an assumption). I can’t think of another reason. The thing is that she is not on my guest list, and we already invited about 10 more guests than the venue can comfortably hold lol (but I know not everyone will come). I am strongly considering inviting her now because it feels like the right thing to do? Will it be awkward if I go to hers and she didn’t get an invite to mine? But also it would look last minute because she never got a save the date. I am not sure what the right call is here and would appreciate any input, thank you!!

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Latest activity by Leah, on January 20, 2023 at 10:30 AM

Jm Sunshine · on January 10, 2023 at 1:07 AM
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Your invitations should not be sent sent until the end of March (especially since you already sent STDs). It won't be last minute if you invite her since you still have 2 months to go before invites should go out.
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Rockstar July 2019
Veronica · on January 10, 2023 at 7:02 AM
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I agree with the previous poster. It's still too early to send out invitations. They shouldn't go out until 6-8 weeks prior to the wedding. I also don't think it would seem last minute. I guess my question is how would she even know you sent out save the dates already?
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Super September 2023
Kimberly · on January 10, 2023 at 8:51 AM
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I wouldn’t even feel obligated to invite her. Everyone’s guest list looks different and has different priorities, so sometimes distant friends will make the cut and sometimes they won’t. If you didn’t have her on your initial list, I wouldn’t feel the need to add her now just because she’s inviting you to hers, especially since you’re already over capacity (and that gives you an easy out if she ever asks why she wasn’t invited, you had a capacity limit at the venue you fell in love with and had to make some tough cuts).
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VIP October 2022
Paige · on January 10, 2023 at 10:12 AM
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If the only reason you'd be inviting her to your wedding is because you might be invited to hers, I wouldn't worry about it. If you genuinely want her there and would be able to figure out a way to make the space then go for it, but don't feel like you have to otherwise.
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Super May 2022
Erin · on January 10, 2023 at 11:25 AM
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Strongly agree with Kimberly. No one is obligated to invite someone to their wedding simply because they were invited to theirs. Different people have different budgets, guest capacities, and preferences for how intimate they want their wedding to be. If you aren’t close to her anymore and were not thinking of inviting her for any other reasons, do not extend to her.

Not only that but since your guest list is already over building code for the venue, definitely don’t add to that. We have heard from some brides on here that got 98%-100% RSVP rate and panicked because they would not be able to accommodate everyone.
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on January 10, 2023 at 8:24 PM
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Never invite over the venue capacity, that's asking for trouble. You really don't have room for her in the guest list anyway. You're not obligated to invite her to your wedding at all.
Invitations should go out at the end of March at the earliest.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on January 16, 2023 at 7:55 PM
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Invites are never reciprocal. If you don’t have a relationship currently, don’t invite her out of obligation.
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Just Said Yes October 2022
Leah · on January 20, 2023 at 10:30 AM
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It's a tough situation, but I would suggest considering your relationship with this person. If you feel that inviting her to your wedding would be the right thing to do, then it's worth the potential awkwardness. It's also important to remember that everyone has different expectations when it comes to wedding invitations, and some people may not even expect to receive one if they haven't been in touch for a while.
Are you going to accept her invitation and if so why? If it's because you value her friendship then great but if it's to be polite, it's better to save her the expense and politely decline the invite. Then you have nothing to worry about re a reciprocal invitation.
As for the timing, many people don't send save the dates, she wouldn't necessarily know you'd sent them already.
In the end, it's important to do what feels right to you. Just make sure to communicate clearly and honestly with her if you decide to invite her.
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Invitation etiquette - do i invite her

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