Invitation disaster

It sounds like your friend is in an extremely abusive relationship with a very manipulative person. He has no place to tell her that she isn't "allowed" to do anything, much less attend her best friend's wedding. I think you need to have a heart-to-heart with her, but in these type of situations it's REALLY hard to keep a person in this situation from feeling like you're attacking her or her boyfriend. People in abusive relationships often don't see it the way others do or they make excuses for that person because they love/care about them, and it's hard to come to terms with.

Be a friend first, then a bride. Your wedding is a year away, so you have plenty of time before invites go out. They may not even be together by the end of the year. Make this about her health and safety, not your wedding. She needs someone to be there for her and to lead HER to seeing that this is an extremely unhealthy relationship.

I agree with all of this. A person in an abusive relationship will often defend the abuser because they can't admit they are being abused. It is a very fine line to walk here, but you do need to be a friend first. She is going to need a lot of support no matter what happens from here. The number one trick of abusers is cutting their victim off from friends and family. If she feels alone she will cling to her abuser even more tightly than before. You can't make her leave him, but showing her what a healthy relationship looks like may help her see the light. Well wishes for you all.

I agree with all of this. I will say since you asked, there is no way you should invite this guy. You don't want someone like that at your wedding.

Sexual harassment is never okay, and I'm so sorry you've had to go through that! Don't invite him. It's incredibly painful to see your friend in a manipulative relationship. But if she knows the past history between you and this guy, she should be more respectful toward you. Just my opinion, but I've been sexually harassed and there's no way I would ever invite the guy who harassed me to my wedding

Can you talk to your best friend privately, in a productive way, about how you are feeling? I wouldn't make any decisions now, they may break up before the wedding over a year away.

I agree with this as well.

When it comes down to it, you either need to invite them both, or neither of them. From your post, it sounds like “neither” is the route to take. Honestly, only inviting her will make her feel she needs to decide between the two of you, and being in an abusive situation, it’s a lose lose for her either way. As PP said, abusers try to cut people off from their friends. If you talk honestly with her and say you’re sorry but you can’t have him there so you aren’t sending an invitation , she needs to understand and accept it. As a friend, she should support your wishes to not feel harassed at your wedding.

I really hope your friend realizes the situation she is in. I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, and this behavior sounds all too familiar. And sure enough, he caused a HUGE scene at my friend’s wedding over the bridal party dance, where we had to dance with our attendant. Even with the groomsman’s wife and child also there, who actually involved herself and said he needed to calm down, it’s wedding tradition. I was mortified beyond belief. It took a long, LONG time for me to build up the strength to leave him. People often can’t see how bad it is because they can’t admit it to themselves. Be a friend first, and see how things play out. But by all means, do not invite this man!

He does not get an invite. Your friend gets an invite. Your friend needs to leave him. And if he "threatens" to leave then great he should make good on that promise.

And if anything happens to your friend call the authorities. This isn't about etiquette, this is about your friends life.

Oh my gosh this hit me right in the chest. Been there and through all that. It's gonna hurt your friend a lot that you invite only her since she will have to deal with the brunt of his wrath. Invite her only and hand deliver the invitation to make sure she is safe. If not, call the police. The good news is that she has you to stand beside her. The quicker she gets away from that louse of a man, the faster she will heal. If he leaves, awesome! I am praying he just LEAVES and does nothing else.