Invitation Advice Tier I and Tier II?

Yes, I'm having the same problem. People will say it's poor etiquette to "b-list" certain guests. But if I were your friend, I would want to come to your wedding. If I got an invite later than someone else I wouldn't care. So I say do it. Just make sure you give your second group of invitees a lot of time, don't send their invites 2 weeks before the wedding. This means you may need to send the first round out pretty early.

I believe this is what my boss's son and his wife did with their wedding invitations-- certain people in the office got their invites before others (others including myself). So I'm guessing they sent them in waves. It didn't work out as well as it may in your situation, though, because the later invitees knew the earlier invitees, so we knew we were a 2nd round pick (not cool). The only issue I foresee is that you're going to have to have a very early RSVP date for your first round of invites, and some guests might have trouble committing to your date that early.

Yes, Kimberly it does seem to be in bad taste as I am about to do it (well not now, because my date is still far out, but starting to think about it, have to think about it as we secure our vendor), that is exactly how I plan to do it, "B" lists and first rounds invites will have to go out a month earlier than the "B" with a 2 1/2 week RSVP deadline. Is this crazy? Somebody please tell me if it is, LOL. Then the likely declines would come in and quickly send out "B" invites. The only problem with this, my MOH said, my invitations would have two different RSVP dates (one for "A" invites, one for "B") and this could mean two invitation orders which would be more costly.

Yes, Cristi, that was very uncool what happened in your office. I am fully confident that my "A" list doesn't know my "B" list from a whole in the wall, so I could certainly attempt it without it being uncool. I thought the same about the dates but I think I am going to attempt it still.

Your only other option would be to try to get a real feel of who will definitely decline. I've been trying to get my mom and FMIL to talk to relatives to feel them out a bit. Then send out the extra invites at the same time.

Have you done Save the Dates or were you planning on doing them? You still have over a year.

Save the Dates will allow people the time to make travel arrangements. Have you announced the date to your family already?

If you weren't planning on spending the funds on Save the Dates, send out a Facebook calendar event, and invite the folks you think may not make the trip.

They may already inform you that they have plans, or they may just say, "hey, we can't make it."

Most brides will tell you here that a B list is super inappropriate and comes off extremely rude to most people. I tend to agree with that.

I feel like you also can be setting yourself up for a lot of frustration especially when you're trying to keep your A and B list piles/deadlines straight. Are you having two sets of RSVP cards? If you only have one set, and you cross through a date to put another in ink, it looks obvious as to what you are doing. It can get expensive to have two sets of anything when it comes to wedding invitations.

You still have plenty of time. Don't make concrete plans when it comes to invitations just yet. Get the date out to family, and people will start talking about whether or not they plan to come before you even send out a Save the Date/invitation.

Yup, I considered calling them ... also, some would say, was in poor taste. Especially, knowing me, I would want to just blurt it out, haha. Bottom line I have concluded is there is no easy answer here. These "A" people are my father's family, cousins I grew up with, who have all invited me to their weddings over the years, I attended, but in the last couple of years we don't see each other, and there was even a falling out with one of the aunts. They lead busy lives, kind of cold people, and live about 50 miles away. Yet, FH says we should invite them. He has met them twice over the past few years. My father died less than 3 yrs ago, it is his sister, brother and their kids. I would like to have my dads family there, but I still say at least half decline if not all. But, I have to be prepared for them to come. Its ridiculous. I Just Want to Call!

Oh my goodness, thank you Rusticbride. All good advice. It is so tacky, I also agree, but these first round people seriously do not know the one's I would like to invite that are on a "B" list. I was already concerned about getting mixed up with dates and certainly would never cross out a date and put another down in ink. Worst case scenario is I would have to purchase two different stationery orders due to the different rsvp dates, and then hope to the wedding gods I wouldn't confuse or mess things up! I think that I should just call them and tell them I am getting married and get a feel for their attitudes about it. Most certainly. It isn't as though we keep in touch but, I have spoken to them over the phone in the last 1 1/2 yrs or so. It can't hurt to call them and tell them. Then I will know!

First I would suggest a larger venue which may not be possible for you. How many people are you talking about inviting, total A & B? Is it too many to take a chance? Usually about 25% don't go.....I know this isn't too helpful; I'm not really into the A and B list thing but I did want to mention that buying 2 sets of RSVP cards, depending on the vendor, is not really that expensive in the scheme of things. Good luck with whatever you decide!

This seems like a really dangerous plan. And what happens if you get declines on the first round of invites that later change their mind? If you say "Sorry, its too late" and it is still 6 weeks out, they'll know. I think it is too much to risk. Invite who you want to be there and leave it at that.

We're actually doing the same thing the difference is I'm making my own invitations and rsvp cards so it's not as hard for me to change the dates for response. I will say having 2 list is not as bad I don't think because I have about a year before the day and I'm sending them out early enough to get the first wave back and plenty of time to send the second one out. I think I will send the waves in terms of who knows who between family and friends. Good luck!