Jessi
Expert October 2022

Invitation Addresses - Mini Rant

Jessi, on July 30, 2021 at 9:56 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 17
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So this isn't even an actual big deal and I'm aware it's super petty lol, so take this complaint with a grain of salt. We just got an invitation in the mail to a wedding for some friends. Both FH and I are friends with these people, we normally only see them in settings where they see and converse with both of us, plus I'm friends with both of them on Facebook so I know they have my full name. I was ticked off before for them not actually sending me a bridal shower invite to my house (not to them, they didn't know about it.) They stuck my name on MIL's invitation and no one actually told me about the shower until like 3 days before.

They addressed our invite as "FH Full Name / Jessi". That just seems like such a rude way to address any piece of mail?? Like I don't know man, at least give me an "and" 馃槀 Their return address says "Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Name" (they were married on their original wedding date, this is a postponed ceremony) so I know they know how to properly address some mail lol. Anyway, it's not the end of the world and we'll still attend like normal - there's no hard feelings, but maybe don't address envelopes like that if anyone was considering it lol

17 Comments

Latest activity by anna, on August 3, 2021 at 11:43 AM
  • S
    Devoted September 2022
    Sarah
    • Flag

    I totally agree with you. This seems a bit weird, especially since they know your full name. You seem to be brushing it off okay, though, which is good! But I also would be slightly offended. I mean there isn't anything you can do about it now!

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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ
    • Flag

    THIS. I hate when envelops aren't addressed with care. At the time of my FH's good friends wedding my FH and I have been together 6 years and engaged for a little while. When we got invited to their wedding it was FH's name + Guest. Like we have met multiple times, we are friends on Facebook they could have texted and asked for my name... I was super offended.

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  • Jessi
    Expert October 2022
    Jessi
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    I mean I'm definitely slightly offended, but there's no point in being upset about it. Honestly it's even more weird because it actually says "FH Name / Jessica" which is my full name that I never go by and they don't actually know me by that name, no one calls me it and I won't even be using that name in our own wedding. So you can take the time to use my "formal" first name, but can't address the envelope nicely? Weird.

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  • Jessi
    Expert October 2022
    Jessi
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    Like they took the time to get printed envelopes, but can't even address them nicely? We've been together for 5 years and have been friends with this couple for like 4 of them, I know they know me lol. I definitely think "+ Guest" is SOOO much worse though! It's just lazy, especially with people who are close friends. Like it's one thing if it's like a distant relative you haven't met or something, but it takes like 2 seconds to text someone and be like "Hey, I'm addressing envelopes, what's your SO's name again?"

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  • anna
    Devoted October 2019
    anna
    • Flag

    Soon after my husband and I got engaged, we got a wedding invitation from someone on his side of the family addressed to "[Husband's Full Name] + Guest"... like, they know my name, I'm literally engaged to the man, and they put GUEST. I was honestly a little offended... it takes 2 seconds to ask someone's name if you're not sure. The envelopes are the first thing your guests see and you should make extra sure you aren't being careless or sloppy with them.

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  • Jessi
    Expert October 2022
    Jessi
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    Yes, I completely agree! I think some people don't understand that couples are a unit. It doesn't matter if you know one of them better than the other, their SO is not their plus one or their guest! Especially in the age of social media and cell phones when it literally takes less than a minute to check with someone. Yes, getting names and addresses is a tedious task that isn't really super fun, but it is important to actually address your envelopes nicely. I know we have a couple where the wife is a doctor and the husband (my fianc茅's coworker) isn't, and I've made a point to have him ask them how they prefer their names to be written because that type of stuff just shows respect.

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  • I
    Expert August 2021
    Ingrid
    • Flag
    This seems lazy to me. . .almost as an after thought. Definitely a strange way to go about it!
    • Reply
  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ
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    So frustrating! Same happened to me! The only people who are getting +guest on our wedding invites are my Brother and Cousin who are truly single - anyone who is in a relationship I will make sure to include their S/O's name on the envelope - though most of our friends are married

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle Online
    • Flag
    That is super frustrating and I completely understand your offense at it. I would feel the exact same way. A lot of people don鈥檛 know basic proper etiquette of how to do things because many were not taught, and others genuinely don鈥檛 care. They pick and choose what they want to follow and consider it your problem if you get upset.


    Personally I would not attend because you both are not important enough to them to do the addresses the right way. Reevaluate how close of friends you really are.
    • Reply
  • Jessi
    Expert October 2022
    Jessi
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    I haven't actually seen the invite since I just saw the address on my USPS preview, so I don't know when their new date is exactly, but there's a pretty good chance we can't make it anyway since I heard it was during a month where we only have one free weekend. I've already told MIL that if it's iffy then we're not changing plans to make it, but if it works out we'll still go.

    We can't really decide to remove them from our lives because they're part of our racing team's group that we see every single weekend in the summer... and the groom's dad is one of our largest supporters so there's no need to make waves over something like this. At this point I'm just chalking it up to the two of them being young, immature, and never being taught proper etiquette for stuff like that.

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  • Jessi
    Expert October 2022
    Jessi
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    I wish I would've paid attention to the last invitation we received from them for their original date to know if it was always addressed like this. I think the funniest thing is that even though we know them through my fianc茅's family, I think I've talked to the couple more than my fianc茅 ever has!

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  • Grace
    Super February 2022
    Grace
    • Flag
    I wonder if it was written like that on a draft list of addresses and then never corrected before they were printed? I know my hastily-drafted guest list has some mismatched names like that where I haven't done the research to correct them yet. Sounds like it could just as likely been a lack of proofing instead of intentional laziness and informality.



    Either way, not a good look and I understand you being peeved about it!
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  • B
    Super July 2017
    Becky
    • Flag

    They definitely should have taken more care and I would have been irritated too (I was irritated when we weren't invited as a couple to a friend's wedding - I had to ask if then boyfriend, now husband could come).

    I expect Grace may be right though - they may have been working with a wonky list and then sent it to the printer's without looking over it to make sure everything was copacetic. On the other hand, the fact that they shower invitation went to your FMIL, demonstrates that perhaps they aren't taking the care they should.

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  • Judith
    Judith
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    Exactly. So they mess up your invitation for any shower, your basic invitation, any seating chart or place cards, and RD, at least 2 thank you cards average . About 7 acts of rudeness because you could not be bothered. Worse, when they are showing off their pride in the invitation design and used either calligraphy to very special style on the writing. A joke when you get the basic name wrong 7 times over.
    • Reply
  • Jessi
    Expert October 2022
    Jessi
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    I'm sure it just got overlooked. After opening the actual invitation they've got certain things handwritten on it so it seems as though they didn't really proof these ones before sending - it's their third set of invites sent out, I'm sure they're over it.

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  • Jessi
    Expert October 2022
    Jessi
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    I'm sure they didn't do it to show that they hate me or anything lol. They're probably just not really putting in the extra time to make sure things are 100% right.

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  • anna
    Devoted October 2019
    anna
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    I completely agree!

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