Intrusive Mother In Law

Boundaries.

Not your monkey, not your circus. Your FH needs to have a talk with his mother about her behavior.

You need to sit down and tell him you find her behavior inappropriate and intrusive. He needs to hear your side, you need to hear his, and establish appropriate boundaries for everybody's in-laws.

If discussing it between yourselves doesn't go anywhere, I suggest finding a couples counselor to play mediator.

I recommend couples counseling. He may need to hear a third part tell him that boundaries need to be set.

This happens because you allow it to happen. She hijacked a bedroom and a vacation??? Talk to your FH about setting major boundaries. If he won't do it, put your foot down. You must get a handle on this. Can you imagine what it s going to be like when you two have a new baby? Time to stop talking and start acting. Practice talking in a mirror. "I am sorry Mrs. Johnson, these are our plans. We'll give you a call when it is more convenient to see you." Good Lord!

I recommend couples counseling as well as @Jay mentioned. Constantly asking your FH to talk to his mother may not work, especially if he's used to her behavior and may not see a problem with it. This is always a hard spot for the FH, his wife and his mom and you may need a third party to help you work through it!

I'd quit sharing so much information. How would she know you were planning to move out of state unless one of you told her. Same with the honeymoon, you are over a year out, you can certainly be vague and say you haven't made plans yet.

Nip this in the bud now. If you decide to have children, it will be 1 million times worse. Seriously, a woman who already thinks she is entitled to run your lives, will go absolutely insane to raise her new baby. (sarcasm, but she will see it as her baby, not yours)

Boundaries.

Counseling. So much counseling for DH. Does he want to be married to you or to his mother?

Definitely recommend couples counseling if he isn't willing to help set up some boundaries. If FH and I were moving out of state and FMIL suddenly decided SHE was going to move too, it would probably be time for FH to have a conversation. Though, my FMIL and FSFIL would just try to manipulate him into staying close by like they have done in the past.

Couples counseling ASAP. He's too enmeshed to know that this isn't healthy or normal and he needs help to see this. He's supposed to be marrying you, not his mother.

Boundaries. I used to have some issues with my MIL but lately things have been really good. It gets better in time. Well in my situationit has. At the beginning of my wedding planning I complained all the time about how intrusive she was but it seems we have along the way gotten on the same wave length and things have been great! Time helps. Venting helps even more ! Keep venting you'll get through it and it will be better.

Also pick your battles!!!!!

This isn't everybody loves Raymond. Put your foot down and establish boundaries whether your fh agrees or not. It will only get worse with time.

Your MIL, who lives down the street, stayed in your guest room while your mom was visiting???!!!

You need to learn the word NO. Say it often and on repeat. No is a complete sentence!!!

Tough situation dealing with his mother. Tell him how you feel and have him talk to her first.

This would drive me insane, but I agree with the above. Go to counseling and be very clear and intentional about speaking to FH. This behavior is not healthy...who turns the honeymoon into a fam vaca, unless the bride and groom request it??? She seems to be living vicariously through you guys, but if you don't create boundaries, it will get worse.

You don't need couples counseling, and you don't need to ask your fiance to deal with this. Based on your comments, that's not ever going to happen, and it's just going to cause problems between the two of you.

What you need is to grow a pair and learn how to say no. Your future mother-in-law is not just your fiance's problem anymore. She's your problem, too, and you are entitled to decide how involved she gets to be in your life.

Now, you don't get to tell her that she can't move to the same city as you. She's an adult, and it's a free country. You can ask her not to, of course, but good luck with that. You DO get to tell her that she's not welcome to stay in your home when you have other guests, and you most certainly get to tell her she's not welcome on your honeymoon.

Finally, why do y'all (meaning other women who seem to have ridiculous relationships with their future in-laws) not settle these issues before you talk about getting married? Really, your fiance's mother didn't just become a controlling, obnoxious wench yesterday. Understand that your choices so far indicate a certain level of acceptance of his mother's behavior. The longer that goes on, the more difficult it becomes to disentangle her from your lives.

Have you really sat down to talk to your husband about how this makes you feel? I know he doesn't see the problem, but have you tried having a hardline, serious talk about it or just tried to nudge him into seeing things your way?

"We're going to be having tons of newlywed sex on our honeymoon, so I don't think it's the most appropriate time for our family vacation. Maybe some other time we can all go to the beach, though!" Or... if you're not feeling being so graphic, "no." Should work just fine

@Casey, my FH is well aware of my feelings for his mother and step father. They were complete assholes to him while he was growing up. I won't go into the specifics but the things he told me makes me like them even less. Regardless, I am tolerant of them for him. Though, he knows if they ever pull a manipulation tactic like the one they pulled when he was thinking of moving about three hours away to live with his grandparents for University then I'll step in. Or if they ever pull any of their stunts on our future children that they did with him, they'll endanger ever getting to see the child again.

Truth of the matter is, sometimes a couple needs a third, outsider party to help bring things to perspective and to see things from your SO side. A couples/marriage counselor can help with this if one person in the relationship refuses to see how the other person feels due to another, familiar relationship.

As far as moving to another city in another state, I can imagine if my FMIL declared she was moving with us she would mean that literally. She would feel entitled to stay with us, and nope! Not happening. Also, FMIL feels comfortable around me as does FSIL, who often stays with us. However, I let FH be the one to determine whether they come over. It's HIS family. Not mine. I have my own side to deal with. Though, we do try and make decisions together but there are some decisions that just can't be made together when it comes to the separate sides of the family.

@Casey: I totally agree with you. I am always amazed how many posters on many forums say: "Couples counselling". For Pete's sake act like an adult. Get some game plans going for dealing with marriage problems. Believe me, they'll be plenty of them.

Definitely need some boundaries set! If FH doesn't want to talk about it with her, you need to learn to tell her no and voice your opinion. Don't let her walk all over you.