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Savvy December 2020

Intimate Backyard Wedding

on December 16, 2019 at 3:31 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16

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We have changed our eloping to an intimate backyard wedding BUT will only be inviting 20 people at the most sooo here’s my question I was thinking of having 2 sets of “invitations” done 1 tht are actual invitations and the other tht are announcements so tht everyone get the picture we r using
He wants to do an engagement announcement or dinner bc he has a very large family but my concern is tht this would have them assume they are being invited to the wedding??? Also he was wanting to have the bridal showers registeriea etc but I really don’t have any family locally and again this would in my opinion lead them to think they would be invited to the wedding and cause drama
Advice? Opinions?

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16 Comments

Latest activity by Sarah, on December 16, 2019 at 4:54 PM

Savvy December 2020
· on December 16, 2019 at 3:32 AM
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That was supposed to say “registries” above it won’t let me edit
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on December 16, 2019 at 5:48 AM
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Yes if you do those things they will assume. We are eloping so if asked i would love to do a brunch. Only do a registry for those invited. I plan to do two days of invitations bc we do want to do a post elopement reception and not everyone will be invited. Instead of a shower of someone will host it maybe so a bridal brunch, something informal for people to come and celebrate. Let them know gifts aren't necessary but let them know in advance your plan and i would extend this offer to people that love you and wouldn't be upset by that.
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Savvy December 2020
· on December 16, 2019 at 5:52 AM
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Thank you Thts good advice- his family isn’t very nice or accepting which is one reason for the small wedding or elopement... he already anticipates a lot of
drama Whn we announce the engagement SMH and he’s 47 you would think people could just be happy for you
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on December 16, 2019 at 5:52 AM
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Announcements should go out after the wedding to let people know you got married. Any pre-wedding events should only include those invited to the wedding (church or workplace showers are the exception here). Registries definitely shouldn’t be mentioned to anyone not invited to the wedding. If they aren’t invited but want to give a gift, they’ll ask about a registry.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on December 16, 2019 at 6:25 AM
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Nope. Some adults don't know how to act. I am sorry. Does his close family accept? If so, that's all that matters to be there.
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Savvy December 2020
· on December 16, 2019 at 7:23 AM
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No not really his mom and his sisters are gonna be the ones tht throw the biggest fit - we’ve been dating for 5 yrs I’ve held him down thru a lot of stuff tht maybe others wouldn’t do for their man BUT yet tht isn’t good enough No one will ever be good enough they don’t won’t to see him succeed in life or his career and it breaks my heart bc he desires tht frm then so much

Sheesh 😳 sorry for saying all tht just been a rough few weeks
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on December 16, 2019 at 7:49 AM
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No one should be invited to pre-wedding events who isn't invited to the wedding. It's fine to have a registry, no matter the size of your guest list, but you don't throw yourself a shower.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on December 16, 2019 at 8:15 AM
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No it is ok. Wedding planning is rough especially how family and friends can act. I am at the point of family is not about blood. Only have people there that love and celebrate you both. You can invite them but if they choose to act up then that is on them...they do not have to come. It is about you two.
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VIP October 2020
Taylor · on December 16, 2019 at 8:25 AM
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I would only mail the people that are invited something. The other relatives that want photos will be able to see them on social media. I would not mail them anything or they will assume that an invite is to follow.
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on December 16, 2019 at 9:31 AM
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Invites should only go out to those invited to the actual wedding. Announcements should go out after the wedding to let everyone know you got married and you can send those to anyone. If someone is throwing you a shower, bach party etc, although it isn't a requirement, I would only get them to extend an invite to those parties to people invited to the wedding. You should not throw your own parties, they should be thrown/hosted by someone else. Only people invited to the wedding should receive registry information. Good luck and hopefully no drama.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on December 16, 2019 at 4:33 PM
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I wouldn't send anything regarding your wedding to anyone not invited to the wedding.
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Savvy December 2020
· on December 16, 2019 at 4:45 PM
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No o wasn’t saying we would throw ourselves a shower - my best friends the one officianting the ceremony & my matron of honor wanna throw the shower
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Savvy December 2020
· on December 16, 2019 at 4:47 PM
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The announcements I was planning to send after the ceremony
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Savvy December 2020
· on December 16, 2019 at 4:52 PM
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Ok to clarify I WAS NOT saying we would throw our own showers just the engagement party the shower is being thrown by my best friend who is also our officiant & my matron of honor
Also I may have worded it wrong I’m sending out invitations ONLY to those invited to the wedding & the announcements will be sent out after the wedding but will look similar so to have the pic on them BUT instead of inviting they will be announcing
My question was only abt WHO to invite to the shower & engagement dinner/announcement
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Savvy December 2020
· on December 16, 2019 at 4:54 PM
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Exactly just bc they are blood doesn’t make them family!!! My best friend of 18 yrs is my sister & I don’t speak to my actual sister bc of a physical altercation
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