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Nicole
Devoted September 2020

Internal Fighting

Nicole, on May 11, 2020 at 9:37 AM Posted in Community Conversations 2 14
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This "vent" is more of something I am fighting with myself. Covid-19 really messed up chi. Mentally I am exhausted, and drained. Work is like it's on auto pilot. Since we rescheduled from April 26 to Sept 13, 2020 I have yet to find my excitement. My FH and I have been together for so long that the wedding was something I wanted to take his last name. Ya know...traditions? Yesterday I couldn't tell if i was having dress regret or its because I havent seen my dress since February and I began to look at new dresses. I also have the time now to change/edit/improve themes, center pieces and other decorations. We also have people that couldn't make the April date and now can make the Sept date. Everything is so back and forth back and forth my brain is about to split. Also, Covid has me gained about 12 pounds and trying to be motivated and stay strong without the social group is difficult. It's like a tidal wave of depression and I feel like I am drowning in it. Any of you other ladies going through the same thing? How are you dealing with it?

**Note**: I am not seeking attention, not looking for more negativity, yes I've dealt with really terrible depression in the past. Just seeking help from another source who could be going through something similar.

14 Comments

  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    Sending you a big hug! And it’s ok to cry and just let it out. Covid sucks. The stress is unreal; you’re not alone. Our long-delayed honeymoon was cancelled, which is disappointing but I’ll get pissed if we can’t get our airline tickets back (been trying for months), because my hubby is now on furlough and I’m not interested in throwing away $1,500 if the airline files bankruptcy. But I really empathize with couples dealing with Covid AND planning their wedding right now. The stress of each is plenty and together the stress must be crazy emotionally intense. So sorry, hon.


    Maybe take some time off from planning? You may be at a breaking point and just need a week of crying, hugs from your fiancé, daily walks & nightly bubble baths.
    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey Online ·
    • Flag

    I'm still looking forward to my wedding, but I didn't have to postpone. But I have felt like I have been going to work on auto pilot the last few weeks. And when I come home I'm just so tired lately. I don't know if it's good but with the stress of everything going on I have actually lost weight, I'm down about 10 pounds which is normally good but now my dress is a bit too big when I tried it on this weekend. But I'm not going to have taken in yet since I might gain it back. I wish my gym was open that always is so helpful for my stress and helping me feel grounded. I think we can all relate to this post on some level

    • Reply
  • Grace
    Savvy February 2021
    Grace ·
    • Flag
    I empathize completely. My wedding is quite a ways further off than yours (Feb 2021, tentatively) but I still am having some of the same stress. Life is NOT normal right now so it makes sense if it is harder to wrap your head around all the moving parts.


    Personally, I have been writing everything down, on paper, so I don't have to keep it all straight in my head. If things are changing too quickly/ too often, maybe that will help??
    I hope this helps.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle Online ·
    • Flag

    It sounds like you have dress envy, not so much regret. for me i know when i got my gown i loved it but i would look at OTHER gowns and think man.. THOSE are gorgeous too though.

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  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari Online ·
    • Flag

    These are tough tough times. For me work is meh, I definitely don't feel super healthy or fit, and my mental health is at a pretty low point. We had to cancel our original wedding plans due to the virus, made a decision to postpone, and I'm now going back and forth about eloping beforehand. This has been SO stressful, I just can't bear feeling like this for a whole 'nother year, and I really just want to marry my man, but at the same time I want our wedding day to be special and worry that if we get married beforehand some of it will lose it's luster. My dress won't be a surprise, we won't be able to exchange rings, and nothing is going to change from the beginning of that day to the end. People are already calling our wedding a vow renewal and I HATE that term and the entire concept of a vow renewal - the only reason we are doing it is because we already made all the plans and put down all the money and a pandemic ruined our wedding, not because we feel its necessary to throw a party for ourselves to do marriage theater after we are already legally married. Waiting a full year has other drawbacks for us, so we are just being forced to deal with a horrible situation in the best way we can, and it's still far from ideal. Being in this position completely sucks and you are definitely not alone in feeling that way.

    I'm trying very hard to do things that bring me joy - stuff like exercising and going outdoors and spending time in nature always makes me feel better. It doesn't take away the pain, anger, disappointment, frustration, or helplessness, but it adds in a touch of happiness that helps dull the negative vibes somewhat, even if they are still there and overwhelming. I'm also finding that things that make me feel productive in my personal life - like doing chores, cooking a meal for my fiance, or weeding our garden - are helping too. There have been a few times I've seen friends socially distanced - one of the first times was seeing friends at a gas station and even standing 20 feet away and talking to a familiar face was so energizing - so I've been trying to do some socially distanced walks or hikes with friends on nice weather days and that really helps. To be honest, wedding stuff generally does not improve my mood and I find myself second guessing what I want more when I look at too many wedding Instagram posts or dive too deep into WW forums so I am trying to limit that more.

    I am sorry you are feeling how you are, but you are definitely not alone. Virtual hugs!

    • Reply
  • Angel
    Savvy October 2020
    Angel ·
    • Flag
    I feel you 100%! We are supposed to get married in July, but it’s going to have to get pushed back. We don’t have a date yet due to waiting on the venue to get back to us. We have people mad at us about changing our date and others mad that we don’t have a set date yet. When I told people that we are going to push it off instead of eloping I received lectures about how I’m putting people at risk over wanting a special day and I should just be happy to have him as my husband. It is sooooooo stressful and something that you have been looking forward to for so long now just seems draining. Depression during this time is real and can be an extreme struggle. Take a moment for yourself to rewind and reassess things. Only do what feels right, don’t act too quickly on emotions and try not to let people get into your head. Just know that it is ok for you to feel this way, don’t feel pressured by others to put on a show of what people expect you to act/feel. At the end of the day it will just drain you more. Something that has helped me is to not look ahead so much and focus on the day to day. Sounds silly, but has helped ease some of the stress and anxiety a bit.
    • Reply
  • Autumn
    Devoted July 2020
    Autumn ·
    • Flag

    Sending good vibes!! SERIOUSLY going for daily or every other day walks on my own has been a game changer during these times. Getting fresh air really has a great affect on mood during these times, I highly suggest! Best of luck Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • Kayleigh
    Savvy October 2020
    Kayleigh ·
    • Flag

    Don't feel down!

    I went to see my dress the other day because I started to look at new ones lol! You aren't' alone. Find something that makes you happy and excited about your wedding and focus on that. I'm so sorry you had to reschedule. I can't imagine how that feels.

    I've been trying to get outside and walk or walk my dogs just to get out and get some freshair. That seems to really help me. Or I'll plug in to an audiobook and that totally shifts my focus.

    Just keep smiling!! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Devoted August 2020
    ·
    • Flag
    Personally, I feel like I'm not handling it all that well, so if it makes any difference, you're definitely not alone in struggling with this. Ironically, I actually started sleeping BETTER after all of this started because if the wedding (reception) might not happen, there might be nothing to be anxious about. But now that the date is getting closer, we actually have to make decisions without information and that makes it harder to be motivated to do anything. And it doesn't help when other people try to spin this into something good.


    As for help, if you have a mental health person you see regularly (or any doctor you feel comfortable with), see if you can get a telehealth appointment. If you don't have one/don't want to find one/hate Zoom, here are a few other ideas:
    First, go outside. You don't even have to do anything. If you feel up to going for a walk, that's great, do it. If not, literally just open the door (the building door if you live in an apartment without a deck) and stand there for a few minutes.
    Also, someone already mentioned writing things down. I don't do that very often, but when I do, it feels like I'm getting things out of my head and it tends to limit some of the thought spiralling/brain splitting you mentioned.
    If you can do some exercise at home, that might help too. I have a subscription to myyogaworks.com , which I really like (they even have some classes that you can do completely lying down), but you can probably also find classes online from a local gym or your health insurance company.
    I hope you find something that works for you soon.❤
    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner September 2020
    Stephanie ·
    • Flag

    Nicole, I hear you. Our wedding date is in September, and we're sticking with it - but even so, it has caused a lot of anxiety and stress not knowing what's to come. We decided to cancel our contract with the venue, which I shed a few tears over the decision, but for health and financial reasons, I went with my gut and decided that this was the best option for us. We're most likely going to have only immediate family, the bridal party, and a few close friends to physically join us for our ceremony/reception and then have a larger gathering later in the fall.

    Thankfully, our family and friends have been supportive through the process. It's been helpful for me to reach out to loved ones about our decision to move forward with a smaller wedding, and I'm grateful they've been understanding. I hope your guests are supportive, as well, as the circumstances are beyond our control.

    Please know that you're not alone with how you're feeling now. I appreciate your honesty. Stay strong!!

    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Devoted September 2020
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    Ladies, all of you deserve many hugs over and over again. I havent logged in since I posted this and reading all of your comments just gives me a sense of relief. It's a bittersweet feeling to know none of us are alone. I've consumed myself in my job and have been focusing on that. I think today I'm gunna make brownies. Because brownies help the mood. And now it is not supposed to rain, go outside. Covid has made everyone feel trapped and we all go a little crazy.. hugs to all if you beautiful ladies!!


    • Reply
  • Emily
    Devoted September 2020
    Emily Online ·
    • Flag

    Yeah, ours is set for September 2020 so we're actually now really having to sit down and figure out what we do with the available info. I'm uncomfortable planning the same size wedding as before (max 150), as I would hate for everyone to say yes and be panicked about having all these people in a space together. My partner wants to invite all the intended 150 (from save the dates) or just move it/ cancel it. We've reached a bit of an impasse, so I'm asking the venue for 2021 availability and we'll go from there I guess.

    I'm not a lady who dreamed about her wedding all her childhood, but we've been together 9 years and I started looking around at the younger couples getting married so quickly like "well why don't we get to celebrate with everyone?". I'm starting to feel like this is some kind of karma for giving a crap about an event like this - I'll either get no wedding at all, or get a wedding I'm afraid to be at/ not enjoy. ...Just having trouble finding the silver lining.

    I'm with you girl - this is just one extra thing to think about/ be anxious about in a time where there are an intense amount of things to be anxious about.

    • Reply
  • Margaret
    Expert October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag

    I'm sure what you're feeling is just plan stress. Having had to postpone your first date and moving it back makes you second guess everything. While we've haven't had to postpone (and hoping it stays that way) I feel your pain. For me, everything is just on pause, things that should be getting done aren't because nothing is open, life is just plain on hold.

    As for your dress, I'm sure the one you chose is absolutely gorgeous and perfect, like you, this "pause" has me second guessing myself and I caught myself looking... Then I reminded myself, "you love your dress, it's what you wanted - STOP" - Things will go back to normal, or at least the "new normal" and everything will be just the way you envisioned it.

    I wish the stress had me loosing weight, but like you, I gained 10#'s out of this and not even sure how. But, I'm letting it go. Our day is coming and everything will be perfect. Have faith, stay strong and don't let this covid crap (yes-crap) bring you down. Allowing something out of our control to control us is absolutely insane and that's what it does to us, makes us crazy and insane. This wasn't in our plans, but it was in someone's plans (higher power) - Have faith, believe that what's meant to be, will be. At the end of the day, what's more important, the perfection of the day we've been planning (cause it's never "perfect") or the fact you got to marry your best friend, the love of your life. What are you going to remember? I know, for me personally, I'll remember getting to marry the love of my life and start on a journey as "Mr. & Mrs." I probably won't remember much else, but I'll always remember getting to look into my loves eyes and pledging my love / life to him.

    Everything will be OK. Stay positive (even if it's hard to, it's a conscious effort) and Be happy.

    • Reply
  • R
    Beginner July 2020
    Rachel ·
    • Flag

    I know that everything in life is super overwhelming right now, let alone the added stress of dealing with a wedding on top of it! I've been having a lot of the same struggles throughout this whole time. We had a July 2020 wedding scheduled but have postponed, and weren't able to reschedule until August of 2021. Having an entire year plus to wait has my questioning a lot of the decisions I've made, but I've decided that right now my priority is to get through this whole COVID mess and worry about the other stuff later. (But I have definitely been looking at other dresses too, lol. At this point I think it's just fun and entertaining to look around!) Just gotta focus on one thing at a time! And go easy on yourself-- this is a really crappy time for a lot of people, and we all need to practice treating ourselves with kindness!

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