Inexperienced family member officiating - good idea?

I'd recommend against it. Include her in a different way, like a reading or poem or something. There is a certain flow to the ceremony, and it will show if the person has never done it. I say this because I watched a ceremony where the cousin or something was the officiant. And while it was sweet that he was related, he was stumbling over what he was saying and (understandably) nervous, so it was confusing sometimes figuring out what was going on.

I think that when you hire a good officiant, they get to know you a bit. They do this for a living so they won't be nervous. Plus they know what to do with the paperwork, which is a huge deal if you ask me.

FH's uncle is officiating our wedding, but he's also a judge and very used to addressing groups of people and writing judge decisions (that's the official term of course ). It really is a huge responsibility. I would offer to help her write what she's going to say and make a detailed timeline for her of who is doing what reading, etc. Also, give her and out if she doesn't want to do it anymore, and be understanding if that's the case.

I have nothing against a friend, but I wouldn't want somebody being too emotional. If you have it in the budget, hire somebody. If not, find somebody that is used to public speaking and that doesn't have doubt now already.

I'd say no - but that's just me. I've got a couple of people in my family who are amazing public speakers - but a wedding ceremony is something different. Instead I have one of them doing a reading and the other is acting as Master of Ceremonies for the reception.

Thanks, everyone! I really appreciate all of your advice.

I think I'm going to give her a few more months to seriously think it over and then we'll have to make a decision. A year seems like a reasonable amount of time to find someone else. We live in PA and are getting married in GA, so I don't have as much of a chance to meet in person, but there's always video conferencing.

She's comfortable with public speaking and will be fully committed (she's done a ton of research so far), but has never done a wedding. I definitely hear the concern about it flowing properly. We worked on a customized ceremony already, but I agree there's a lot that goes into it and experience can make a big difference. I won't be upset if she decides not to do it, I just want her to have a great time.

P.S. I hope it didn't come across like I was diminishing all that goes into being a professional officiant, that was not my intent at all!

Just a side note: since you live in PA, you can get your marriage license at home and ask for a self-uniting license. It basically means you are marrying yourselves, and only need your witnesses signatures, not the officiant signature. We were "married" by a friend and it took a lot of pressure and headache away because we didn't have to worry about her being official.

Are you planning on writing the ceremony for her? She also may be less nervous if she knows she's reading a script with a few spots to ad lib. Creating a ceremony is a lot of work!

Thanks, @Tara! She got all the details about out of state licenses for us, but it's great to hear we were on the right track from someone else. :-) I didn't know there was a "self-uniting" option though.

FH and I spent a ton of time writing the ceremony so she wouldn't be starting from scratch. We aren't having readers, so it's fairly straightforward (as much as it can be for someone who hasn't done it before, anyway). Did you write your own as well?

If you had to it over, would you have a friend do your ceremony again or go with someone with more experience?

Honestly, I wouldn't. I was going to go that route, but I'm glad I didn't (with a friend). We were hoping my brother in law would perform the ceremony for us, but refused because we're not Christians. I found someone online and everything went perfectly smooth! We wanted someone to come in, say a few words, and go. Our ceremony was 3 minutes long (that includes everyone walking in and out) and she was amazing. She did it for $125. If you want a long ceremony with some special words, I recommend going the professional route. Yes, it's a little more, but you get what you pay for.

Oh, I couldn't imagine anyone buy my friend marrying us! My mom and MIL were both not happy with my plan, and even DH wanted to get a real officiant to skip their push back, but I wouldn't budge. There were a few obstacles such as she was in Japan and we were in Texas (wedding in PA) and trying to figure out what would make our marriage legal. The day before the wedding during a run through, my MOH and I were terrified to learn that she couldn't pronounce Corinthians (which made it difficult to announce our reading of 1 Corinthians 13). We made her say it probably 1000 times over the following 24 hours, and now it's a joke among our friends. She did an amazing job, and many of our guests just assumed she was the real deal. But I knew she was comfortable public speaking (she's a teacher) and has a loud, bubbily personality. So our biggest concern was her getting too emotional, so she started the ceremony by making a light-hearted joke of letting everyone know that she had a backup plan if she started crying.

So, as people point out, there can be problems, but in my case, totally worth it.

@Tara, I'm so happy that it worked so well for you - sounds wonderful! Thank you for the much needed reassurance should we end up going that route. FH is even more excited about her doing it than I am, so at least I have his support in dealing with FMIL's concerns too. I think having her officiate will make us feel more comfortable too.

@dks64 I'm not concerned about the cost, the ceremony is why we're all there in the first place and it's a drop in the bucket compared to everyone else. LOL My family has already accepted that we're not going the traditional, Catholic ceremony route and they all seem excited we've asked someone so special to us. Glad to know that you were happy hiring someone, so thanks!

My husband's best friend and best man was our officiant. He had never officiated a wedding before but does some comedy and performing so he is comfortable speaking before large groups of people. He did a great job and you never would have known that this was his first wedding.

I would definitely NOT want someone inexperienced to officiate my wedding. The ceremony literally IS the wedding, the whole point of the event lol and people will definitely remember if it's bad! I would really not want to chance it and regret my ceremony.

I like the sentiment, but still not a fan of having an inexperienced person officiate. Not to mention the importance and legality of the marriage license.

No

Agreed that the ceremony is the most important, @annakay511. Like I said, it's the reason why we're all there in the first place. I also don't want to regret my ceremony because it was performed by someone that we have zero connection with likely never see again.

We've already figured out what we need to do as far as the license and legality, so that's not a factor.

Like everything else wedding-related, this seems like something that can go either way for everyone. That's the best part of this community - the chance to hear recommendations from multiple perspectives.

Inexperienced family member ______ - good idea?

Fill in the blank with: building my house, pulling my tooth, giving me a haircut, driving my car, etc.

Yes, 25 years ago I was an inexperienced wedding officiant. My hairdresser asked me to officiate. I was nervous. They were not -- it was her 5th & his 3rd.