Indian/American Wedding

My FH is Indian and Hindu, though like your FH, he isn't really practicing. We are going to be having a mostly secular ceremony, though I want to incorporate some Hindu and Jewish traditions. The addition of Hindu traditions would be more out of respect for his parents, since FH isn't religious. For me, I would never participate in anything that would require me to pray to multiple gods, since that is against my own beliefs. We will probably do the seven steps and FH wants guests to come up to throw rice (different than at Christian weddings). We haven't decided what else we might do yet.

As far as the hair, can you have the western ceremony first so that there is less down time between ceremonies? Most people will find it hard to sit through such a long wedding. If you need more time, you could make the time in between ceremonies more like a cocktail hour, I guess.

Kind of in the same situation here but I see it differently.

My FH or I don't really practice any religion so we are looking at our ceremony as more of a showcase and celebration of our different cultures and less of a religious thing. So praying to multiple Gods etc doesn't really bother me it's just a part of his families cultures and I want our kids to grow up with appreciation for all beliefs, cultures etc. However if this really bothers you I don't think you should do it. You two are the ones getting married and you don't want to feel uncomfortable on your wedding day.

First, see if you can find another priest, one who is more willing to adjust the ceremony to what you both want and feel comfortable with. If you can't find one another idea would be to do a more seccular ceremony like Jennifer is . Since we are only doing one ceremony and combining our two cultures it was easy for us to cut out what we didn't want from both ceremonies and create one that was perfectly tailored for us.

To the second part, usually people will have the Hindu ceremony on one day and the western on another day because Hindu ceremonies are extremely extremely long! It would be difficult for guests to sit through two ceremonies on the same day. Also, from my understanding, you don't have to place the sindoor along your entire hairline, just a dot on the edge and on the forehead. Perhaps do a trial run and see how difficult it would be to remove. Is your FH South Indian or North Indian? their ceremonies are a bit different.

Thank you for the responses, my FI's family is South Indian while he's Canadian. We agreed with his family to do a short Hindu ceremony since renting spaces for two different ceremonies on two different days would not be affordable for us. We have decided to do the Hindu ceremony first because I would be staying in the Western dress through the reception. I'm getting my hair done in a salon before both ceremonies. We plan to serve hors d'oeuvres after the Hindu ceremony for the guests, while we go change. But if we add more than an hour of the hors d'oeuvres, we would end paying even more.

We live in a place where finding a Hindu priest is very difficult (only a few to pick from in town.) It would be against my beliefs to force me and my parents to pray to Gods that we do not worship. FI is going to talk to the priest soon regarding this but it doesn't look like the priest is very willing on working with us on the prayer parts of the ceremony.

I was going suggest things finding another Hindu priest (I've seen at least a few who are good about selecting parts and explaining everything well for mixed audiences) but since that'snot am option... i don't think you have to think of it in terms of praying to other gods. First thing is, many Hindus think of each of the gods as forms of the one penultimate God. I don't know if your FH's family is part of that. Second thing is, many parts of the south Indian ceremony are taking blessings from the gods, rather than praying to them.. I guess it's semantics but as a monotheistic person with a Hindu mother myself, I have always found that to be helpful in my feeling it's ok to take part in the ceremony without feeling like I've crossed a boundary that God won't accept.

But all of this is to try to get you comfortable with it all. In the end if you're not comfortable you'll have to find parts to include that are symbolic for the couple to come together (eg putting garlands on each other, doing the seven steps, etc) that are not supplication (prayers to the dieties). Btw in my wedding, neither my husband nor I are Hindu, but like I said my mother is, so out of respect we included a Sanskrit "reading" from a close pundit friend and the "Exchange of the Garlands" as part of the Ring Exchange we did, as both exchanges symbolize the couple accepting each other and being tied to each other.

FH is also Canadian, but he was born in Chennai. Where in Canada are you located? FH is in GTA and there is a large Hindu community. We are getting married in Wyoming though, and a judge will be officiating our wedding. Some priests might be willing to travel, if you want to look into finding a different priest, but this might entail some more costs.

I think you should make sure you feel comfortable with the aspects of your ceremony. For example, FH wants to pay respects to his parents through Pranāma (bowing down and touching their feet). This makes me uncomfortable to do it myself, mainly because in Judaism you should not bow down to men or idols. But an Indian friend told me that if I touch FH's shoulder while he bows down, it is as if I am giving the same respect to his parents as he is. This makes me much more comfortable and I am happy to incorporate this modified tradition into our ceremony.