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Dedicated December 2021

Incorporating Korean Traditions?

Roane, on June 18, 2020 at 11:29 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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I realize this is like, v premature, and maybe there are other things to worry about first. But I keep coming back to how we're going to incorporate my partner's culture.

We're both half white. My other half is black, and I've always known I wanted to jump the broom when I get married. We met playing hockey, our crossing sticks is going to be hockey sticks. My family is all hype to do pre-wedding food and hosting. Like my heritage is very much going to be there.
My fiance's other half is Korean. His parents are divorced and he grew up with his white dad. He feels very removed from his mom's culture, like he was never included in it. Especially since he came out, he just keeps his distance. He's expressed interest in incorporating something into the wedding, but he doesn't know what. We went through like the list on here and he's like "your mom doesn't want a wooden duck, no one is going to wear a hanbok", shooting it all down I don't really know what else to do and he's not exactly pitching ideas.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Gwendolyn, on June 18, 2020 at 5:04 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 18, 2020 at 11:34 AM
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Wearing hanbok for your photos would be SO CUTE though!
another thing you can incorporate if you're going to do games at your reception, it can be the traditional korean wedding games! or you can have some kind of traditional korean food for your reception like maybe for desserts or something?
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VIP October 2020
Samantha · on June 18, 2020 at 11:39 AM
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I'm not particularly familiar with Korean wedding traditions, but I tried googling suggestions and the gourd of wine looks promising.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on June 18, 2020 at 11:48 AM
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I am not too knowledgeable even though I love Korean culture but maybe some simple ideas can help:
https://www.theknot.com/content/korean-wedding-traditions
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Devoted July 2021
Gwendolyn · on June 18, 2020 at 11:51 AM
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Are you or him close at all with his mother? Could you talk to her about paying homage to Korean culture? Traditional foods or tea would also be a nice touch.
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Super November 2019
Mrs. S · on June 18, 2020 at 11:59 AM
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I’m not much help but just wanted to share. My husband is also half white half Korean and grew up with his white dad. His mom was out of the picture til later in life. He loves Korean food but other than that he doesn’t keep traditions. I happened to pick the colors red and gold which he said his mom would be thrilled with. His mom wore a typical American dress since she felt it was inappropriate to wear traditional Korean dress to an American wedding (I would have enjoyed it but she was not ok with it). You could pick something from the list for fun and to show support but I wouldn’t stress over it too much especially if he didn’t grow up with those traditions it doesn’t make sense to force it.
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on June 18, 2020 at 12:21 PM
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We're doing paebaek. If you're near a Koreatown, there are companies that bring you the hanboks, the set up, and decor to you. They help you through the ceremony the pack everything up and leave.

It's traditional for the groom to gift the bride's mother with a pair of wooden ducks. I ordered a beauty off of Amazon.
The bride is expected to gift the groom's parents with nice sheets/blankets.
You could have some rice cake displays.
Good luck!
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Dedicated December 2021
Roane · on June 18, 2020 at 12:38 PM
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We're not particularly close. Before he came out, when I was just one of his teammates, she was fine, but once she knew me as his boyfriend she got pretty icy. Their relationship tanked when he was like 19, and while it's gotten better over the years it's still kinda fragile and he doesn't push issues.
He is still Korean no matter what his relationship with his mom looks like but I think that's part of why he doesn't explore it. She's supposed to be his resource and she just doesn't want to be.
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on June 18, 2020 at 1:48 PM
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I tend to think whatever traditions a couple incorporates should be meaningful and important to them. (I love your hockey stick personalization of the jumping the broom tradition because it's meaningful to YOU!) It kind of sounds like you're grasping at straws trying to come up with something related to his Korean ancestry for the sake of coming up with something. Maybe there is an option more on the subtle/symbolic side, like Mrs S' red and gold color scheme, but if he's shooting down ideas from a list then I'd take that to mean it's not necessarily something he wants to do. What about something from his dad's "culture" that he identifies with? Or, maybe there are other things, not necessarily associated with either of your cultural backgrounds, that are better ways to personalize your wedding (like the hockey sticks)? Good luck!
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on June 18, 2020 at 3:33 PM
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Maybe incorporating some kind of Korean attire in your engagement photos, then displaying them at the wedding? Or Korean food rehearsal dinner and appetizers at the wedding, or Korean favors? Or some kind of Korean tradition at the reception?
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Devoted July 2021
Gwendolyn · on June 18, 2020 at 5:04 PM
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I am sorry to hear that, but glad to hear that it is growing. I wish you both the best!
My FH is also half Korean but did not desire to have any traditional Korean cultural elements represented (though I would have loved to honor his mother).
You mentioned that he has shot down most of the traditional ideas but he does want some element of Korean culture involved, I think having the food/drink pay homage would be an excellent idea (if you can!). Noodle soup with a very long noodle to represent longevity or jujube tea - perhaps a gourd cup of rice wine shared between you? You could have a little note that explains the meaning behind the dish/drink?
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