Let me start by saying I have both of my sons getting married next year. When they started the planning we did receive inquiries about if and how much money we would be contributing to the events. We decided on a set amount for each and both were grateful and okay with that. My oldest son and his fiancé kicked around a few ideas and then told us they would be getting married in my future DIL’s home state. No problem and expected as all her family is there and are not able to travel as are the vast majority of their friends ( we are a retired military family and have moved multiple times, therefore my son’s friends and extended family are everywhere). They found a venue they could afford and the planning commenced. I sent our side of the family’s guest list and my future DIL asked for help in getting the addresses. I am learning to not involve myself and let them plan the details while they keep us in the loop.
My youngest son flys to another state to ask for his GF’s hand from her father during the time he was supposed to be at his Grandparent’s home for Thanksgiving and backed out last minute. He relays to us that it was the only time they would be able to see her parents….he did this without telling us the reason for their visit. We found out 6 months later. He then tells us he is going to propose in the mountains in another state and there will be a photographer there to capture the moment. We still have not seen a pic of the proposal or ring (6 months). We get a call from our son asking about financing the wedding and how much we will be contributing, telling us his fiancé and her mother have already started the planning with 120 people on their guest list. We hear nothing until we are told they have submitted an application to get married at a National Park that holds 100 people…still with no guest list from my son’s side of the family. The park was/is slow to respond and my future DIL and her Mother start planning a European destination ceremony to tie in with her family’s planned vacation and invited us along. Not once were we asked if an extravagant European wedding was feasible for our side of the family. We crunched the numbers and it was just not in the cards for us to pay for 2 weddings and an extended European vacation. They did say they had other options where everyone could attend but decided on going to Europe to hold their ceremony….along with her parents, Aunt/Uncle and siblings. We were to be the only members from our side invited. After we told them the news that we would not be able to go to Europe, the only question we received was if we would still be giving them the money. Earlier since no one had asked for our guest list, I sent the same list to my youngest son and his fiancé as I had to my oldest son and his fiancé. They came back with that they really did not want to take anyone off my future DIL’s list to make room for anyone from my son’s side….the excuse, he did not see them much growing up (military family). They said the open house they were planning upon their return from Europe was only to include the 120 people from my future DIL’s family plus 4 people from my son’s side ( us and his grandparents, whom his fiancé had already met). They then went on to ask if we could hold their open house at our home so they would not have to find a venue. We relayed we would still give them the money but it will not be at our home. Fast forward to today, my husband had a lunch with our son (they were very close while he was growing up). My husband came home and said he doesn’t even recognize my son’s reaction to what he discussed. We are now left to wonder if we will even be invited to the open house. Any thoughts?
