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Beginner October 2021

Including siblings in the wedding party

Elli, on April 4, 2021 at 1:02 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16

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I've been struggling with this for a while. so far, i have chosen 4 people as my bridesmaids, one of them being my fiance's step sister whom i'm actually close to and get along with well. however, i'm trying to decide whether i should include one my fiance's biological sisters who had been pushing for me to allow her in my bridal party. the thing about her is that we've had a very rocky relationship since i started dating my fiance. she's told my fiance that he could do better than me and she's only nice to me or talks to me when she needs something from me. and that's just to name a few. seems like an easy pass right? but the thing is is that she's the sister he's the closest with and i'll have to include her if it's important to him. i just really struggle with including somebody in my party to marry the love of my life who never supported me or us to begin with. what's everyone's opinion on this? is there a way i can "include" her without really including her or is there a position for females similar to an usher?

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16 Comments

Latest activity by Elli, on April 5, 2021 at 10:08 AM

Legend July 2022
Lisa · on April 4, 2021 at 1:05 PM
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Only include those who you truly want in your wedding party. Never include anyone out of feeling obligated, or because they included you in their wedding party, or because someone else wants you to include them, etc. If you truly want to include her, go for it! Otherwise, no obligation. If you wanted to, you could ask her to do a reading during the ceremony? If your fiance is close with her, he can always include her as a groomswoman. But if you aren't close with her, or if you don't want her as a bridesmaid, you are under no obligation to do so.
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Beginner October 2021
Elli · on April 4, 2021 at 1:12 PM
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That's how i feel. she's never been supportive and the crappy thing about it is that she can't even recognize how her actions have made me feel. and she still likes to believe that she's always "had my back" since high school, when she never even gave me the time of day back then either. and now my mom has been pushing for me to make my fiance include my brother as one of his groomsmen, and they're not all that close either. they have a better relationship than i have with his sister, but still. when my brother got married he made my fiance an usher and honestly i'm fine with my brother being just that at our wedding
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Liz · on April 4, 2021 at 1:13 PM
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Agree with the PP - if it’s important to your fiancé that she’s included, he should have her as a grooms woman. Or should could be an usher - nothing to say they have to be male.
Edited to add - you could also have your brother as a bridesman if you wanted. I think treating both of the, in a similar would help to deal with everyone. It whatever you decide, make sure it’s what you and your fiancé want. These are the decisions for the two of you, not your mother, or your fiancé’s sister, or anyone else 🙂
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on April 4, 2021 at 1:21 PM
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I wouldn't include her on your side. It seems like she would just create unnecessary drama that you won't want to deal with on your wedding day or the days leading up to it. If it is important to your fiance, she can be on his side. My brother was on my side and my husband's female best friend was on his side.
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Legend July 2022
Lisa · on April 4, 2021 at 1:28 PM
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I definitely wouldn't include her as a bridesmaid then. That honor is intended for the people who you are closest to, and you are the one who gets to pick your bridal party. Also, it can be really tough to stand up to family, but don't allow your mom to make decisions for you or your fiance. If your fiance felt close enough to your brother to where he wanted to include him as a groomsman, your fiance can make that choice. Otherwise, your brother can be an usher if you choose, or he can attend as a guest!
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Super March 2021
Kimberly · on April 4, 2021 at 2:00 PM
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Nope, you do not need to include her in your bridal party. If it’s important to your FH after talking with him and explaining how her lack of support of your relationship is not ok, he can include her as part of his grooms party (she can stand with him). However, I would definitely talk to him and express to him how her words have hurt you and how you feel she does not support your relationship.
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Super July 2023
Eniale · on April 4, 2021 at 6:02 PM
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She does not belong as one of your bridesmaids. Full stop.
If her presence in the wedding party is important to your FH, then he can make her a groomswoman.
It's a little odd that he would want someone who is so unsupportive of your relationship to be close to him, but that's his prerogative. Your bridesmaids are YOUR closest, not his.
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Dedicated June 2022
Jen · on April 4, 2021 at 6:24 PM
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My fiancé really wanted his sisters included too. I didn’t feel comfortable having them as bridesmaids so we decided to have them stand with his group instead. Everyone seems really happy about that. Maybe this could work for guys as well and have his sister be part of his group?
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Dedicated August 2021
Lw · on April 4, 2021 at 6:52 PM
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This is literally why we are skipping the wedding party. He had two sisters he and his family thought would make great bridesmaids and I only get along with one of them.
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Beginner October 2021
Elli · on April 4, 2021 at 7:00 PM
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Family makes things so complicated. plus my fiance has 2 biological sisters, one half sister, and 3 step sisters. if i included them all that would be my entire bridal party and i wouldn't be able to include the people that actually like and support me
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July 2021
Peaches · on April 5, 2021 at 2:32 AM
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You may need to rethink this marriage. I’m having the exact same problem. But you’re the bride YOU choose YOUR bridesmaids. My fiancé’s cousin is the one against us and told my fiancé bs talking crap about me. That dumb **** is not allowed in OR at my wedding. AND we aren’t going to hers either, which is before ours. You need to stand up for yourself. Is your fiancé marrying his sister?? Or is he marrying YOU?? You are NOT obligated to have someone you can’t stand, be your bridesmaid OR even at your wedding. I’d have security at my wedding if I could. Where does your fiancé’s loyalties truly lie?? Because they certainly don’t seem like they’re with you. Don’t get discouraged, instead, grow a backbone. This wedding is about the two of you. Not some half wit that doesn’t respect you and your relationship/marriage.
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Master 0000
Judith · on April 5, 2021 at 2:52 AM
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If she is the one he is closest to, she would make a lovely groomswoman, on his side. You will endlessly regret it if you choose her for your side. And it will be obvious to all you do not care for her as much, which will irritate her. Each of you will resent every little thing you would overlook in other people, what a mess.
Meanwhile, 4 is a lot of people to get schedules together with, and manage in general. Everyone I know who has gone for more has ended up loosing 1 or 2 before wedding day. 6-7 months is a good time. Stop at a good number.
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Expert April 2022
Fred · on April 5, 2021 at 6:56 AM
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I Agree with everyone on this: Don't make her a bridesmaid out of feeling obligated or because someone wants you to include her, including your fiance. He picks his side, you pick yours based on who YOU want to include.
" she's never been supportive and the crappy thing about it is that she can't even recognize how her actions have made me feel" , "she's told my fiance that he could do better than me and she's only nice to me or talks to me when she needs something from me." : Just for that, you shouldn't make her a bridesmaid.

However: I STRONGLY DISagree with everyone on this: "she can be a groomswoman". I know this decision is strictly up to him, but I'm not sure why he would include someone who doesn't respect you, your relationship and wish he married another woman.
I personally wouldn't do it. ****% sure.
The people the 2 of you are including in your WP are supposed to be supportive.
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Beginner October 2021
Elli · on April 5, 2021 at 7:48 AM
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Now i don't think it's fair to say i should rethink the marriage simply because i'm not a huge fan of his sister. he knows we're not best friends and he's fine with it, he's not the one pushing for me to include her. nobody is, except for her. she's asked me before if she could be a bridesmaid and even went as far as to ask to be the MOH! i changed the subject quickly thereafter
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Just Said Yes May 2021
Kristin · on April 5, 2021 at 8:16 AM
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Personally, I feel you should include those you feel closest with and those women who have been a big part of your life, not who your fiancé is closest to. He gets to choose his groomsmen. You could always ask his sister to do a reading during your ceremony.
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Beginner October 2021
Elli · on April 5, 2021 at 10:08 AM
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Yeah, i was thinking of making her a greeter or something
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