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Dedicated February 2021

Including Mom in Elopement/private Ceremony

Melissa, on September 20, 2019 at 8:16 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10
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So to try and keep this short and sweet, between me and my fiance we only have one living parent left and that's my mom. Were not a super young couple (33 and 45) so our friends and family have very full and busy lives and the 'wedding' season for our friend groups has definitely passed - we dont feel too bad about not including them in our wedding day; however, Im trying to decide what to do about my mom.

I have this vision of a romantic destination elopement/private ceremony with just my fiance and I (and maybe our pup) where we can focus on us and the huge commitment we are making to one another (which I've told my mom about my whole life and, being the amazing support system that she is, is 100% okay with and on board with our eloping).

Im struggling with two things: First, if I do include my mom, how do I work that into my vision and will she feel awkward when we split off to have our romantic moments? and second, if she doesn't attend, what other ways can I include her in the process?

Shes coming with me to try on dresses and I talk to her about everything but I want to be sure she feels like the important part of my life that she is.

10 Comments

Latest activity by Melissa, on September 20, 2019 at 2:46 PM
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    That is very sweet of you that you want her to join and if your FH is ok with it then go for it. Perhaps she could bring s friend (they don’t have to attend the service) to hang out with so you and your husband can enjoy the time after the wedding. If your mom will be fine not attending maybe the three of you can do something special when you return.
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  • Tracy
    Savvy September 2019
    Tracy ·
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    Sounds like your close to your Mom, maybe just ask her what she would be good with? I had a similar vision of eloping with just the two of us and I was open to having our immediate family there. I took my mom out for breakfast and asked her directly what would make her feel good, and explained my initial vision. She was fine with having pics, and hopefully a video, with a celebratory dinner when we got home from our destination wedding. We ended up inviting her and my brother but it was good to know her opinion. All the best to you!
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  • M
    Dedicated February 2021
    Melissa ·
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    Thank you Cyndy. Thankfully my fiance is a sucker for my mom and would never say no to her. Hes pretty chill about anything i do or don't want for the wedding.

    I like the idea of her inviting a friend. Shes has one who's known me since I was born and they're super close. Maybe she could come along with us.

    Thanks for the ideas!

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  • M
    Dedicated February 2021
    Melissa ·
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    Thank you for the input Tracy! Your suggestion is exactly what I did! I have asked her directly a few times, I just know that she will do whatever makes me happiest - pictures and video are a MUST for sure! Were you glad in the end to have your family there? Did you feel like you still achieved that vision?

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  • Jenni
    Dedicated September 2022
    Jenni ·
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    I don't know your finances or the cost of your destination wedding, but maybe you can pay for her and a friend to come along? That way she gets treated to a vacation and you get your mom at the ceremony, but don't have to worry about splitting off so much.

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  • M
    Dedicated February 2021
    Melissa ·
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    Great Suggestion Jenni! I like the idea of doing something nice for her in the process!

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  • Deirdre
    Super March 2018
    Deirdre ·
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    I don't know where you are planning to have your destination wedding, but a lot of states it's pretty easy for people to get ordained for a day to officiate a wedding (we had a friend officiate ours). I don't know if that's something she'd be into or if she would think it's too much pressure, but that could be a possibility. That way she is an active participate in your ceremony as opposed to an observer. Good luck!

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  • M
    Dedicated February 2021
    Melissa ·
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    Thats a wonderful idea, Deirdre! Certainly something worth asking her if she would be interested in! Thank you!

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  • Tracy
    Savvy September 2019
    Tracy ·
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    Funny you should ask! We’re at our destination wedding and getting married tonight! I’m very grateful that she is here. FH’s Mom passed away two years ago so our perspective is different and we believe it’s these small memories that will keep our hearts at peace. #MarriedSoon So excited! To answer your question, yes my vision is still maintained and we are happy to have our intimate moment and share it with our very small few!
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  • M
    Dedicated February 2021
    Melissa ·
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    Awww! Congratulations Tracy! I hope your day is perfect and more than you dreamed of! Thanks for taking the time to comment on such a special day. Best wishes for you and your loved ones!

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